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If There's ONE Thing I've Learned Through Everything I've Been Through, It's This....

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A beautiful woman looks out over the beach, wondering why her boyfriend suddenly disappeared.
Sometimes it needs to get bad enough for us to see something needs to change.

It has to get worse before it gets better. I've always felt this, about everything.

We don't do anything different - until we're forced to. We don't change anything that needs to be changed - unless we have to change, even if it's just to maintain the status quo. We can't even see that anything needs to change until we're forced to see what it was so much easier NOT to see.

Until we can't pretend anymore. Until we can't just look away and pretend we don't see it.

I'm reminded of the time my best friend bought a plane ticket she couldn't afford, left her young kids with her husband, to fly clear across the country to try to convince me to see what she could see that I couldn't at the time.

She begged me to leave him, to come back with her, to see what I wasn't seeing, to believe her when she was telling me I was losing myself in him and settling for crumbs. It was breaking her heart to see me this way, and yet still, it didn't move me.

I told her she didn't know what she was talking about. That I was only telling her the awful things when it was bad but most of the rest of the time it was good, that she just wasn't hearing from me then.

She left without convincing me.

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I Don't Want to Push Him Away!

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Couple at home sitting in sofa and having a talk
Should I bring it up again?

Gail wrote to me this week, to be heard, to be listened to, and I'm responding to her letter today on the blog.

Her love interest has said he just wants to be friends, and she wants more than that.

Sound familiar?

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I met a guy after being divorced for 7-1/2 years. I never thought I would meet anyone again to love me for who I am, but he’s a lawyer and he’s younger than me.

I'm 60, he’s 49.

He’s really busy in court and in the office, and we stay in different cities, yes, but my problem is he said he wants to be friends because he doesn’t have time for a relationship because he’s so busy. I understand that but I really have a problem with it because if you really care about someone, you’ll make time for them.

I’ve told him that.Continue Reading

How are we all doing?

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A woman in a white cotton dress is walking through tall grass.
There will be another side to all of this.

I've heard all about your disappointments this week. All those things just getting started, now put on hold. People you just met, relationships just begun, plans you just made, now thrown for a curve.

It's hard to feel hopeful when all you feel is an undercurrent of uncertainty.

I hear you. And I see you.

Can you tear yourself away from the rest of the world and the never-ending breaking news cycle for just a moment, and come with me to a different place?

This is temporary. No matter how heavy it feels.

As unpredicatable as it is. As scary as it can feel. As permanent as it seems only right now.

All those beautiful dreams and plans are only on a temporary pause, Beautiful.

There will be another side to all of this.Continue Reading

I Am So Tired of Men Ghosting Me!

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Woman text messaging on her phone
His texts got less and less, then suddenly nothing.

With everything going on in our world right now, I debated whether to answer a letter like usual this week, or send you some comforting words, and I've decided to continue on here as much as normal since many of you are still having the same issues with your relationships even in the midst of a pandemic.

Next week, thanks to one of your suggestions, I'll have some tips on dating in the era of #stayhome and how to not drive yourself crazy being alone!

I hope you're all taking good care of yourselves, staying home as much as you can, and finding support here for all your beautiful hearts and souls that feel everything. I adore each and every one of you for exactly who you are, whether that be scared, anxious, worried or whatever you feel today.

I run the gamut of emotions, too.

If there's something you're going through that you're not finding addressed here, please don't hesitate to reach out or reply to this email. We will get through this the only way we ever do anything well - together.

So that said, our letter this week comes from Michelle, who's sick and tired of men ghosting her. Can you relate? I had a feeling you could.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I am so tired of men walking into my life and then leaving for no reason. I honestly am starting to think something is wrong with me.Continue Reading

You've Always Known

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fantasy. woman in enigmatic meadow over cloudy sky
You're the one who's always known what's really going on.

You've always known.

What everyone says don't worry about. What everyone tries to shame you about. What everyone calls you crazy for.

It's actually the opposite, isn't it?

You're the one who's always known what's really going on.

You knew before he left.

You knew before he cheated.

You knew before he checked out.

You knew.Continue Reading

Should I Remind Him He Said He Would Tell Me Why?

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A beautiful woman is holding her hair back with her hands, wondering if she was a hot mess.
I just need to know why!

Our letter this week comes from Paula, who's feeling heartbroken over the loss of the man she experienced such amazing chemistry with in a long-distance relationship. He said he was going to meet up with her and talk in three weeks time, so she wants to know if she should reach out to remind him.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I'm 42 years old. I met a man, 46 years old, on Dec. 23 of last year.

For two weeks we met on the beach in the morning or in the evening-had dinner and drinks or a walk by the beach, talking about ourselves, kissing each other - there was extreme chemistry between us.

After two weeks, we had time to be together and had an amazing time. This man lives 900 km from me.

We were in touch almost every day by messages, half of them initiated by him. We have met again every second week after because he flies here to be with his children. I have one child, I'm a single mum.Continue Reading

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