Archives for 2019

Am I Being Too Needy?

Woman upset after her boyfriend pulled away and disappeared, wondering if he'll ever come back. — I just wish I felt more important to him.

Our letter this week comes from Jennifer, who's wondering if she's just being "too needy" while trying to navigate a relationship that's about to become long-distance.

Here's her story and my response.

Hi Jane,

I would love to read your advice on my current dating situation.

About 6 months ago I began going on dates with this guy who I had met in class. I immediately found myself drawn to him since the first day I saw him but I was too shy to initiate anything during the semester. Luckily for me (or maybe not) we reconnected two months after our class ended and began going on dates.

During this time we really connected over our shared faiths, career goals, and personal attributes. Although it was clear that we really liked each other we never made it official. He had been accepted to an out of state medical school and didn’t want to make me any promises that he couldn’t keep.Continue Reading

Different Face, Same Story. When Will It Be Enough?

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Close up portrait two young men in shadow white background — It's him I'm talking about here.

I heard from another one of us yesterday.

Yet another one of us taking on all his stuff.

Wounded, broken, emotionally bereft. It's him I'm talking about here.

A father who was never there or demanded nothing less than absolute perfection and stoic adherence to his own emotional deprivation.

An anxious or overbearing mother projecting everything onto her son from the issues she never dared address with her husband.

He's a different face but with the same story.

You would think we would have had enough by now, but we're the last ones to give up on something that comes so close to resembling the only love we've ever known.

Not the loving kind, no, the other kind.Continue Reading

Confused and Upset and Just Want My Boyfriend Back. But is it me?

Here's her letter and what I had to say...

Hi Jane,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 months. The first four months were fantastic. We saw each other whenever we could (both have jobs and children), messaged constantly all day and talked about the future.

A couple of months ago he started to become more distant, taking longer to reply, not instigating meeting up so much etc.Continue Reading

When "Find Your Passion" Makes You Cringe

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Beautiful brunette woman thinking, tired, wondering if she's the one with commitment issues. — If it feels like too much pressure, you're in good company.

You’ve heard the advice about finding your passion, finding that big creative outlet.

You cringe as you think about how much you hate even the idea of painting, drawing, acting, dancing, writing.

All it feels like is pressure, and more pressure, and trying to measure up or compete with people who’ve been doing this for years, while you’re once again, coming in late.

Too late.

Don’t do this to yourself.

Instead, focus on the everyday little things that bring you joy, that give you a chance to do something just for you. Those things that make you feel good about yourself, that give you confidence in you, that give you that feeling of accomplishment.

Not for anyone else, but for you.

I've been there. I've done that. I've tried all those big things and came to the same conclusion most of you have intuitively come to even if no one ever confirmed it for you.Continue Reading

I Never Left With My Head Held High

15 Comments

sad woman walking on the city street at sunset — All I could feel was regret. Why couldn't I just have stayed silent again?

I never left with my head held high.

I never left after careful, well-thought-out consideration, knowing I had done the right thing.

No, that was never me.

I never wanted to leave. No matter what happened, I would do my part to keep the relationship going because love would conquer all.

I would have stayed until the end.Continue Reading

Wondering Why Clarity Matters? Here's Why

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slender long-haired woman wearing white summer dress while walking on a green meadow towards a bright and sunny horizon. — The faster you go through this process, the more clarity you're going to have.

When you don't know exactly what you want, when you don't know exactly what you're worth, when you don't know exactly what you deserve, you get exactly that.

A little of this, a little of that, but never what you're actually looking for - and what you actually want - underneath it all.

When you say "I'll see what I like, I'll see what I want", that's when you get EVERYTHING because now you're going to need to narrow it down.

Because the reality is, you actually do have preferences. You actually do have behaviors you won't tolerate.

That's why you're getting the ones you do, because if you don't first have that inner clarity, you're going to get a chance to find it - and that's usually not what we want, but it's what we get because it's what we need.

Sorting through is this process we're in.

Will you accept this? No, then how about this? Still not right? Ok, what about this?

Where are those boundaries you've never allowed yourself to have? The faster you go through this process, the more clarity you're going to have to get to what you actually want!

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Am I Being Too Needy?

Here's her story and my response.

Different Face, Same Story. When Will It Be Enough?

Confused and Upset and Just Want My Boyfriend Back. But is it me?

Here's her letter and what I had to say...

When "Find Your Passion" Makes You Cringe

Don’t do this to yourself.

I Never Left With My Head Held High

Wondering Why Clarity Matters? Here's Why

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