Life is messy.
Relationships aren't fantasies.
Who you are and who he is are products of years of programming - mostly the subconsious kind neither one of you are even aware of.
Do yourself a huge favor right now (before you're in over your head) and choose someone who's on the same page as you. Someone who understands real vs. perfect and chooses real. I can't stress this point strongly enough; you only want to be with someone who you don't have to be anything but yourself around.
It's hard enough to make a relationship last for the long term in the very best of circumstances!
But without that, without two real people in the beginning who understand love is so much more than fantasy, that real is so much more than perfect can ever be, everything is going to be so much harder than it ever needs to be!
Don't set yourself up like this - choose someone who's capable of seeing you, choose someone who's capable of looking within, choose someone who's looking for the same thing you are AND isn't afraid to walk through all the stages of getting to know another imperfect human being to get there.
If you want the real thing, you need more than fancy words and surface behaviors that can't stand the test of time.
Stop settling for the short-term when what you really want is the long-term. It may seem like the best way to cure loneliness, but this always backfires when you end up feeling more lonely with someone than you ever were on your own.
Don't be afraid to be you, to set the stage by being more of you, not less of you. The ones who are right for you always show up; the ones who don't were never going to be.
It's time to stop second-guessing yourself. Life is hard enough with someone who gets all this; with someone who doesn't, it's so unnecessarily painful and oh so heartbreaking when you realize down the road what you could have focused on instead!
Love,
Jane
Are you somewhere close to here? Somewhere you thought you've never be? You're not alone. I'd love to hear from you. Either here in the comments below, or send me an email. I always hear you, even more than you believe anyone can when you're in the middle of what you're going through!
I have been going out with a Christian guy for three years but here are problems as during the whole time there has been no intimacy and he does not really do anything for me and we go out but he never takes me out. You have to look after yourself buy your own meal. own drinks etc. Everything is on his terms and I drive all the way this his place and we go to a club from there usually only ten minutes away e never picks me up although in the beginning he did sometimes. Also everything seems to be about making his life easier. It all came to a head during a weekend visit to the Blue Mountains when on the way back it was quite late and he left me to walk back to my place half an hour in the dark and even lied to get out of driving me home and only checked if I was alright two days later. Also high level father -son dependency He does almost everything with his 90 year old father whom he has moved back in with to help in his care and even going on holidays together to the exclusion of others and invited him to come on a cruise with us even expecting we were all going to share a room and that did not happen but he still came and lots of friction and conflict too and his father was rude to me. I have not had a reply to my email to him regarding my getting home safely and he has ignored it and please adviseL
You deserve better than this!
This reminds me a lot of what we talked about in group on Sunday.
Exactly, Holly!