You say you're done with all the rest.
You say you're ready to find the love you've been searching for, like, forever.
But do you really mean it?
It's time to start living like you mean what you say!
No more excuses, no more putting your love life on hold while the days slip away.
Yes, it's going to require some work on your part. But this is one where you set the pace. How quickly you want this to happen for you is completely up to you!
It's time to start paying attention – really listening - to that self-talk you do every day. Start noticing everything you do and say that isn't the truth about you. Everything that's someone else's version of you, someone else's story that's been put on you.
Make a note of it. Write it down.
And then remove it from your vocabulary. This isn't you. It's your thoughts that influence your actions. And it's time to change the thinking we do.
We're clearing the slate. Starting fresh.
Today is the first day of you going out and getting what you want.
Write down your Top Ten list. 10 qualities you're looking for in a soul mate, partner, husband. Whatever you want, say it. Don't hide from what you're looking for. Put it out there.
You say you want love? Then why are you choosing someone who can't give you love? He's got to go.
You say you want marriage? Then choose someone who says on his dating profile "I want marriage". Same goes for kids. "I want kids". Ignore everything else.
You want marriage, you want kids, you want someone capable of giving you love. Then stop giving a second look to the ones who you think you can convince of this. It's the ones who know what they want thta you're looking for.
Ignore anyone who represents someone from the past. If he couldn't commit before, he can't commit now.
Pick 2 to 5 places - as many places as you can handle going regularly every day - where someone who's perfect for you could be found. Go there. Every day.
He's going to show up when you're not there, so go there.
Every day if you can. And I'll bet you can!
Smile. Every single time you catch yourself overthinking, down on yourself, judging yourself, blaming yourself, wondering what someone's thinking about you. Smile. Every time you catch yourself thinking about what others are going to say or think about you. Let them. This is where you smile.
You're going to get used to smiling. A lot.
It changes you. Makes you more approachable. Happier. Gives you more confidence. Makes you so much easier to find.
Throw out every single thought that doesn't fit this new version of you. The clean slate, starting fresh version.
Anger, cynicism, resentment, playing the victim role, blame, retaliation. Acknowledge them by saying "hi", because yes, you recognize them, but then allow them to pass right on by. There's no room for them here anymore.
This is the new you!
Everytime a thought comes up that says "who do you think you are?", or "you've tried this all before", or "nothing's going to change". Smile at them. Every single one of them. All the thoughts. All the naysayers you can picture behind the thoughts. (There's a lot of them, aren't there?! And they don't know better than you!) Smile and thank them for reminding you of just how strong you are. Strong enough to see them for who they are … and strong enough to let them walk right on by.
There's no stopping here. You're off in a new direction. This is a new day. A new you. A new time for love. On your terms.
Dance every chance you get. Any time, any place. Remember that video about the power of the dancing - that guy who got everyone to dance with him, videotaped it around the world, and changed the way people view a stranger? That' s you.
Write down everything about this experience. I want to hear what it's like for you. Share it with me. Share it with everyone else on this journey.
Change takes time. But you're not changing anything. You're simply living. Walking. Being. Throwing off the old, putting on the new. Right as you go along.
Take notes throughout the day. "It's an experiment I'm working on," you can tell them – the ones who can't help but ask.
"Can't tell you about it". Because you can't. This one's all yours.
I want you to get used to holding something back. To being mysterious. To not letting on more than they have a right to know. They need to earn the right to know. That's what else this is about.
No more comparing yourself to anyone else. Not on TV, not on Facebook. Not in real life. The more you compare, the more you let "them" bring you down to size - to a size that isn't yours but one that's been put on you.
And the more you allow yourself to be swallowed up in the comparison of what everyone else seems to have that you don't. They don't. It's not a contest. You're so beautifully, uniquely you.
I've discovered that the more we look at everyone else, the less we see ourselves and all that we are and have to offer. I have a feeling you're discovering this, too.
I love Facebook for connections, but those images of perfect, happy people just isn't the whole story. There's so much more behind those images that they never allow you to see.
Keep going. Make these your new daily habits. Your new mindset.
See?
This is you without changing anything about yourself except your attitude. It's who you've always been.
Smile. It's time to wake up and take notice of what you've been all along.
Love,
Jane
What are your thoughts, Beautiful? Share them with us below in the comments!
Thank you Jane I finally get to the point where happiness is your true identity it's time to wake up there is no need to push and Chase any guy that is not on the same page as you realize how your choice inference your life I also experienced an added benefit from following your program thank you.
Jane, this article made me smile. Such a simple idea, when a negative thought comes at you, just smile and deflect it. Double result with this, smiling makes you feel better in yourself, and smiling makes people in general more friendly or more drawn to you.
I needed this article today. Although I only saw him in the middle of last week, on asking if he is available to meet up at all this week, the response? Not sure, probably not. His indifference, instead of making me needy, is actually hurting less and less these days.
So when I responded, not intentionally but equally casually, 'ok but we can still be friends', he seemed a little shaken and queried my response.
Within a couple of hours he learns an old friend had died suddenly, and its me he tells and turns to. And while I am saddened to hear of his friends passing, and said all the right words, it didn't mean much to me. Go back eight weeks when someone equally important to him died, I would text, tell him I will do something nice for him if I felt he was down, and sometimes leave little thoughtful gifts at his house. I'm not feeling that anymore.
So where am I now? Well still with a man who doesn't appreciate me, like I should be appreciated. Haven't quite built up to letting him go, but getting there. Your articles are guiding me, not away from him, but to me and being myself. And in doing that he will either step up and be the man I want (not need) or I will move on, saddened, though not heartbroken. But with a smile.
Exactly, Rachel! Love this. You've heard my message well! 🙂 Trying to do what we're not yet ready to do never works for us. It's that shifting of focus on you instead of on him that makes all our answers appear - in the timing and delivery that's precisely right for you!
Omggggggg Jane
You are sooo tight. This article was all me and what I asked God to help me with.
Miracles do happen
Thank you for this
So glad, Tanya. They do!!
Jane, You are "right on". As a 77 yr old widow in a happy, loving long term committed relationship with a "cool" 84 widower, I can tell you that it is never too late. Can you believe it, I still have other men at various events happy to talk with me? You need to give off the "high value," but fun vibe. Ladies, don't stick just with your gfs, go where the men are. For example, the free investment seminars. My only regret is, that before he met me, my bf decided not to remarry and he hasn't changed his mind. We have our own homes. So Jane is right again, pick someone with the same goals.
oh I can believe it, Ginny. Loved reading this! Thanks for inspiring - and clarifying specifics! - for us all!
Oh Jane, this is just wonderful and as always perfect timing, i love it and will practice this each and everyday.
My goal for 2018 is to become more confident and happy.
Im trying to let go of a very toxic relationship of 4.5 years, it’s so very hard for me right now it’s hour by hour, but soon it will be day by day and before I know it, he will be a memory from the past. New years eve i had finally had enough of his abusive ways and promised myself a fresh start filled with love and happiness in my life.
This weekend I am moving into my own apartment and what fun I’m having, planning and shopping for my new home, it has given me so much to look forward to and focus on.
It really is all about me right now!
Thank you so much Jane and everyone here, the love, support and words of wisdom are what gets me through step by step as I enter a new chapter of my life x
So excited for you, Gabby. Thanks for sharing. I know this hasn't been an easy road for you. But as you're seeing, the more you focus on YOU instead of him, the more clearer everything is becoming for you! One step at a time. You've got this!