One of our dear, gentle-hearted readers, who has called herself "D", is an absolute mess after her long-time boyfriend simply disappeared on her, without so much as the courtesy of a phone call.
After over 2 years!
Her email:
My boyfriend of over 2 years has "ghosted" me.
Our last conversation ended with him saying, "Sweet dreams and have a good night".
All was good and thinking nothing was amiss, I called him the next night (we always spoke several times a day), and he didn't answer. I know he was on the other line because my call was placed "in waiting".
I called him the next day, and no answer.
I waited a few days (thinking maybe he wanted space??), blocked my number so it wouldn't appear on his call display and called him - he picked up.
I was so shocked that I just stared at the phone and hung up. He has made no attempt to contact me in 2 weeks. We were together for 2 years, and he's stopped all contact with me.
What should I do? I'm a mess...
My Response:
How can someone just disappear after being together for over 2 years?
You know you wouldn’t. You know you couldn’t!
But it’s not you we’re talking about, it’s him. How does he disappear without any explanation at all? Doesn't he realize just how much it hurts?
Let’s take a closer look at what would make someone choose this kind of out, without talking to you about how he’s feeling, about what’s going on for him, about what he can’t put into words, only into the action of ghosting.
How does it serve him?
Well, if he disappears, he doesn’t have to talk about it. He doesn’t have to deal with confrontation. He doesn’t have to hear you tell him anything he doesn’t want to hear. In fact, he doesn’t have to listen to anything at all.
But doesn’t he have to live with himself? Yes, absolutely he does!
So what this tells you is that living with himself for ghosting you like this must be less painful to him than having a dialogue about what’s going on for him.
He ghosts you instead of talking to you because he doesn’t want to talk.
He ghosts you so that he doesn't have to deal with your reaction because he can’t handle it. After all, how can you NOT be emotional in your reaction if he’s about to end things!
He ghosts you because it seems the better of any other way of ending this relationship.
But read what type of man we’re describing here. This is what you can learn about him from his actions, which always say so much more than words ever can.
He doesn’t want to talk.
He can’t handle confrontation.
He can’t handle any kind of emotional reaction.
Do you honestly want this kind of man? This kind of behavior? This kind of person to be the one you’re in a love relationship with?
This is the point.
Whatever you may have thought along the way, now you know for sure.
What to do now? Look at this as a reality check.
Obviously things were not as they seemed. One day very soon, you’re going to see that reality for yourself loud and clear, but now is the time to feel, to focus on you, to heal.
Take care of yourself. Every day, find something to do that reminds yourself how much you deserve to be loved and cared for.
Be compassionate, kind and loving to yourself. Make a list of all that you are and all that you have to offer someone. Just because it wasn’t him, doesn’t mean there isn’t someone else who will be the perfect match for you!
Look at it as a gift. He's given you the opportunity to find what you really want, and now you're free to have it.
Don’t overthink what happened. If there’s something to learn from this experience, then take it and learn from it. But as for all those other things we always want to rehash and revisit until there’s nothing left of our self-esteem, don’t go there!
You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Don’t let his mess become yours.
I hope this helps!
Love,
Jane
Do you have any other gentle words of advice or encouragement for our dear friend "D"? Share them with her and all of us in the comments!
I had the 'ghosting' effect from a woman. I thought we were getting on well but then after about a year or so, she wouldn't turn up when she said she would, no texts, calls or explanations.
We fell out about 15 months ago and the only time I heard from her was a couple of weeks ago via a Facebook message, saying Happy Birthday.
What hurt tho was when she walked by where I worked with another guy, she didn't see me and my heart just sunk.
I think she has a problem in the fact that she just can't/won't settle with one guy. She did say she can't see her self getting married and that she treats guys like s**t, and all she was interested in was sex and no emotional c**p.
I know this doesn't make it any easier but I'm kind of thinking that I'm not the one with the problem, it's her! But they make it as its ur fault, I.E why didn't u have the guts to say u wanted more when it was there on a plate and at one stage I even got called a player, to which I turned round and said, I don't think so, u don't know me at all. I think deep down it was her that's the player.
One of her ex's asked her to marry her apparently, and one morning he went upstairs to give her breakfast in bed and he turned round and said to her, there's a ring in that bag. Okay it's not the romantic way of proposing but it's the thought and next minute he's gone!.....Sounds to me she's commitment phobic and emotionally unavailable. U can only hope they live a sad and lonely life.
One other suggestion for all of you in pain (like me), is to read Women Who Love Too Much, by Robin Norwood. Chances are you will find yourself dancing all over the pages. It has helped me move on in degrees from the pathetic little narcissist I had the misfortune of loving. God wants us to be happy, not miserable! Love to you all.
Oh D, how I wish I could hold your hand right now. So many of us will know what you're going through in some way or other - please believe that it WILL get better. And that at 40, you are only just entering the second half of your life. You have a glorious future ahead of you, full of love, ESPECIALLY now that this bozo is no longer blocking the runway so that proper men can't see you. It will take a bit of time to get there, sure - but proper love can't be rushed: there are no shortcuts. And you have time - you really are still young. OK, youngish, but once you're back on fire, you'll be blazing again!
In the meantime, alongside all of Jane's wonderful advice, you might find it useful to read Steven Carter's book Men Who Can't Love. For me, it made me realise exactly what people meant when they said 'It's all about him - it's got nothing to do with you'. It was a real step-change to read about why a person might REALLY walk away from a functioning relationship - and to realise how absolutely crucial it is to turn away from them and never go back, even though your heart yearns to do so, even though it HURTS like nothing else to turn away and cut all contact. I'd also recommend reading Heather Havrilesky - google her name and you'll find her advice columns, which are often about empowering women to see the beauty and strength in themselves, and deal with problematic relationships with men.
Virtual hugs to you!
Hello everyone, this is D - the author of the letter. Thank you Jane and everyone for responding to my letter and offering your wise words and support. To answer a poster's question - no, I didn't meet him online. He's the cousin of a friend, and she set us up on a blind date. It was not an LDR - we live only 20 miles apart. And, yes, it could be possible that he simply ditched me for someone else .
I'm surviving, but very much feel like a broken person. I sleep a lot and try to not revisit my relationship looking for signs of its collapse. But, I'm very hard on myself and keep thinking that I should've tried harder or done something, anything, to keep him from leaving. I'm very fearful of the future, and in fact, I don't even really see a future for myself. I'm 40 and realize my potential dating pool is quite small. Honestly, if he called me, I'd pick up the phone, hoping, wishing, that he would want me back. Please don't judge me - it's the truth. I'm unsure how to move beyond my sadness and anxiety. I'm still trying to comprehend the end of my relationship. I don't wish this pain on anyone.
D,
We all feel the pain you are going through. Honestly if my guy were to call me right now I would pick up and hope he realized he made a mistake and wanted me back, I would do it too. You and I are around the same age. Yes the anxiety of "I'll never meet someone now" is painful. Even though your relationship was a lot longer, I know how you feel. I thought I finally, after years of bad relationships, I met a perfect guy for me. He said the right things, he treated me better in less time than anyone has, and for him to ghost, has left me empty. I cried everyday. I still do a little. I even went on a date this week that didn't go well. I came home and cried because I missed him. I even tried to spend time with an ex and thought maybe I could be with him (as he wanted me back) until he said something jokingly that I took as extremely rude and left. Right then and there I decided, I need to not jump into anything else and focus on getting back to me being happy. I signed up for a new gym membership, I scheduled weekly appointments with my therapist, I started looking into classes offered in my neighborhood. Do I feel any better? A little. Do I still have the anxiety that I won't find anyone, yes. But that I will work on in therapy. I deleted my online dating profile. I'm not going to "look" for someone anymore. ( Ironically the last guys I dated on and offline found me) I tell myself everyday, I believe in God and the Universe and that things will get better. And they will get better for you. Work on finding the little things that make you happy, find emotional outlets to help heal your pain, journal, read, therapy. It takes time, just have faith that God has a bigger better plan for you and the rest of us that are going through this. Big hugs to you!
You're so welcome, D. I love seeing all the support and shared stories that come through from this wonderful community of women who understand all too well what you're going through. You're never alone and you deserve all the love in the world. Don't let what you've found so far tell you differently. It's never your fault that someone else isn't capable of the very thing you are!
D,
hang in there! Your Mr. Right IS on his way to you, going through experiences like yours and working on himself along the way.
I didn't even know my husband existed until after I turned 41!
I been doing online 'dating' for several months, but only been on one actual date in 7 years!
I also spent most of my time with family or married friends or reading at home.
I never married before and had read somewhere that divorced people are more likely to remarry than singles to get married.
AND:
Deep down in my gut, I started to truly believe that perhaps I was one of those made to be alone :/ , and I was scared that I was right. --that it was some truth or something.
I also wondered if by now could I even have a relationship, was I too set in my ways? Could I marry and live with someone?
And it seemed like there were NO normal nice men around my age out there, let alone any I felt remotely attracted to.
So that was me then... and now I am very happily married. And I never settled. I had that prayer, please God, if it your will, let me meet someone and be married, but I want to be very attracted to my husband and deeply in love, I don't want to settle just to be married.
Not only am I happily married, but I thank God, literally for all the break ups and near misses. I know I am with the right person and that this was the right time for us.
I do wish though I could go back in time and reassure myself that is all really does work out! And better than imagined.
I think I would have had several fewer crying Friday nights or moments of melancholy and who knows, may have had a few more adventures!
One thing I'm very glad I did during those 7 years is find this website.
Jane's articles and insights and responses turned on light bulb after light bulb. And reading other's comments and stories helped me see myself and my patterns. AND, most importantly, firmed my resolve to recognize and let go of the wrong guys even though there was no one else out there, as I truly believed at that time.
I cannot recommend enough reading through this website and building that resolve.
I also read a fantastic book in the preceding years: How To Love, by Gordon Livingston . And "if the Buddha dated" by Charlotte Kasl was a surprising good compliment to it.
(I can't even count how many dating books I read during those years, I've thrown loads out, given away many, and still have 11 on hand to get rid of; but Jane's website and those two books mentioned above changed me and made me who I am so I was ready to meet my husband (and just as importantly or more so , helped me avoid detours, or at least lengthy ones :), on the wrong guys) )
And I got very excited about having this second (or rather bazillionth 🙂 ) opportunity
bc this time
I could be choosy as to who to look for.
Before that book and this website, I hadn't put into words what I was looking for and I still fell for the wrong guy and /or missed a lot of red flags.
But now I had something to match things against. I now understood I needed and wanted someone with real character and true integrity.
Your Mr. Right IS out there and on your path , heading towards you.
So, mourn this guy and pamper yourself during this time, and love yourself, and then continue to help yourself grow and flourish as you move forward
and you will run into Mr. Right!
Believe me, if it can happen for me, it so so can happen for you!
I'm excited for you D. I know it an awful terrible time now, I been there and felt so low and alone, but your tomorrows are coming and you will be so very happy!
Thank you EC for your inspiring words! I will be using your prayer to help me when I feel down. Now that I've picked myself up from being "ghosted", I am beginning to see that asking and thanking the universe for what I have in my life now helps. God and the universe is on our side no matter how bad it seems now. A quick example, I went to see my favorite artist perform at a small venue by myself ( something I never would've done before) between sets I wrote a note in my phone thanking God for that day, and giving me the strength to go alone and not feel ashamed. After doing this, and when the performer was finished, I got to meet him! I felt it was from God and for me being thankful.
Your story has given me more hope, knowing that Mr. Right is coming.
Being ghosted WAS horrible but it's given me more strength and knowing God was letting me know he is not my Mr. Right. Congrats to you!
Firstly...lm a woman that has 'ghosted' the guy she was seeing for 2. 5 yrs...have other women done this..or is it generally a man thing...??..
(l was just so sick of his lies n cheating on me.)...one afternoon l caught him' at it'....literally..when he said he was going to be busy working on pc that day..oh yeah..!!...not thinking anything of it..(as he worked from home)...my mobile rang..but went off before l answered it..l would usually have texted back ..but for quickness l rang..to hear all the shinnanigans going on between him and someone else..between the sheets and shushes to the other person..he tried to speak to me..but instead garbled something illegible and hung up...l literally threw up..n felt numb ..he did ring me in the evening asking if ld rung him earlier..ĺ told him l had ..but that he was busy..very busy..he never said anything else..except he was tired..lol.
He tried getting in touch with me every day for a week...l just couldn't find anything to say to him..and l can't feel anything now..but l do miss him still and l guess l always will..we were close but obviously not as close as l thought..but know he'd only continue to lie / decieve...
That all happened in January 2016...l sent a card for his birthday..but it probably went in the bin..lol...lol trying to move on now..but it will be a long time before l can feel like that again for any guy again...just wanted to let you all know women do 'ghosting' too....and not cos lm a bad person or unreliable and unfeeling..l hurt like hell. ...
I've also decided that I will never again have a relationship which involves text messaging, beyond the 'I'm on my way' type message! Text messaging is the refuge of cowards and scoundrels, as I've found to my cost!
So basically I'm going back to 1996 when it comes to my love life!
Agree!! Me too! Friends only can txt me... but lovers = Nope!!
I wonder how much this ghosting thing is associated with online dating - did you meet this guy online, Monica (or others who've been in the same boat)?
I ask because there seems now to be very much a 'She/he isn't quite good enough, I'll just got back to the store and get something better' (yeah right) mentality emerging with online dating. And I think some perhaps many men can't truly honour a woman they've met online because she's basically landed in his lap without him having to do much. So, easy pickings, relatively speaking. And it's therefore easy come easy go in his mind.
I just sense (at least from my year of online dating here in the UK) that it's not working like it used to, and that it's skewing attitudes between the genders in terribly unhealthy ways, facilitating truly awful behaviour like this and allowing the worst type of men (and women I'm sure) to wreak havoc freely. Such people would never have had open access to beautiful souls like us without online dating: in real life, we'd have sniffed out their weaknesses and limitations (and downright unsuitability for us) well before we'd have even agreed to a date let alone started falling for them. Online dating throws us into relationships with these people much too quickly, perhaps before we've really had a chance to work out whether we actually WANT that. Plus we've probably got no friends in common, and therefore no one to help us know and understand or learn about the people we meet online. Instead we have these strangely close encounters that actually occur in a social vacuum. Which also helps the worst types of people to thrive and disappear, because they know they can simply never see or hear about us again, since there's no substantially shared social circle to worry about.
All of which is why I've decided to stop online dating and start really living myself fully in the real world 100%. And it's funny, I had a drink with friends recently, one evening when the wine flowed freely, and I noticed that one of the single men there seemed excited to be around me (despite or because I was telling him off for something!) And it reminded me in a beautiful way: THIS is how a proper relationship begins, in time and space and the company of others so you can find out about each other first!
But gosh I feel for you so much, D. My heart goes out to you and I hope you're looking after yourself. You deserve SO much better than this guy who was clearly a big big fake, and someone who cannot feel love so has to leech it out of others in order to feel anything. He's too scared to show up properly, for you and I suspect for anything much in his life? You really dodged a bullet there!
Yes I did meet him online. I was very hesitant about going back on there. I've had a profile for a few years now and every now and then I will sign up for a month and see what's out there. This last time I went on, I updated some pictures and within 48 hours my inbox was filled with "likes" and "winks" it was overwhelming. I somehow managed to stumble upon a free weekend because that Monday when I went online it wouldn't show me anything unless I paid a subscription. So I really thought it out and was not really sure if I wanted to do it. But the next day something in me said to give it a shot. He emailed me that night. I looked over his profile and responded ( mind you I only responded to 2 others and the conversation went no where) our conversations were effortless, it felt like we were friends and he asked to meet me a few days later. We met up and ending up being out all night. Unlike other awkward first dates, it seemed natural. We found out he actually knows my college roommate. And we live in a major city. We talked about things we have done/ like to do and it was weird we have never crossed paths before. There were never any red flags that I saw. Until now. But after a week of no communication on his end, I texted a couple times the first two days and didn't try again until last night ( yes I went a little overboard, 3 texts and a voicemail) I finally give up today. I deleted every message, picture, every text to my friends saying how great he was and every text to my friends when I was in panic mode. I "unhid" my profile online and I'm moving on. But of course, as soon as I went to look at matches, there he is, at the top spot and showing he is also online at the time. There is my answer, he couldn't respond to me but is online looking for the next girl. But I vowed to move on, I will not let this spineless coward ruin my life. I will be cautious when I meet the next one but as far as I'm concerned, he has done too much damage if he ever tried coming back.
Yes, Squirrel, that is what I was thinking. The whole texting trend is not a good thing. They know they can get away with not dealing with their emotional insecurities. If you meet someone out near you etc then things might be difficult because they know you can find them. But even so, they still can be honest.
I'm sorry it happened to you I can't seem to get the notion that it kind of happened to me too. The last Month of not hanging out with me and slowly less contact were signs. He then made no attempts to text me back within the very last week. I was the one who confronted him and found him at his work place, it was sad because if I didn't go he said he would have texted saying it's over while being drunk. The reason why he didn't contact me was because he didn't know how to tell me what was going on without not hurting me.
I'm sorry this has happened to you too. What these "men" don't realize is even though if they tell you upfront that it's over, you hurt for a bit but can have some closure and move on. When they leave you hanging and not knowing, it drives us into crazy mode, overthinking what did I do wrong, and hurting us way much more than an "it's not you, it's me". I would never and have never treat anyone the way I am being treated now. It's their loss. It shows they have no respect for another persons feelings. I am a big believer in Karma and someday when it happens to them, they will realize the damage they did to someone who truly cares about them.
I feel for your situation "D". My best friend, after 17 years living with her boyfriend and father of her two young girls, walked out in the middle of night while everyone was sleeping and disappeared! No where to be found. He never told her why he did it. She had to overcome a lot of emotional and financial turmoil. She came to the conclusion he was not capable of all the essential qualities that a man need to be a husband and father! It took all her self esteem. But she lifted from the ashes and learnt. Later, she found someone that loved her for who she was, shortly after her 50th birthday. Never too late for true love. Not saying we need to wait for after 50:) . Although I'm 61 and open for the marriage commitment from my nine year relationship. But that's another topic.
Jane's words is pure wisdom. Think of it as a gift from the universe:) I'll be praying for you.
My story? LDR with a man for 3.5 years! Not only has he ghosted this past month, but he "loved me" out of my life savings. Talk about a fool in love - that would be me. The most hurtful part is that I was SO SURE he really loved me and its still too hard for me yet to realize all his loving communication was all LIES! I go day by day and try to find one little thing to live for. To all of you wonderful women out there, seek your support systems wherever you find them and pray for yourself. In the long run, your ghost will have to answer to his Higher Power for the wreckage he caused - you can count on it.
Oh, no!!!!
Yes, how can they be such good liars????
I was in a LDR also with a guy for two years and he just disappeared blocked me on everything a month ago. I'm very hurt but I'm starting to see this as the gift Jane was talking about. My mom is dying of cancer and he left days after I found this out. I've now seen his true self and I am glad he revealed it before I let it continue with him. It's now time for me to begin to heal and I pray you will too.
Ghosting is so common now. Yes it baffles me but I am learning so much with the collection of single men out there. They all have baggage and know they can move on quickly by ghosting us. It's weird. How can people not have feelings for others and be compassionate to communicate. Are men really that sensitive that they can't deal with confrontation? I just don't get it.
Sorry D! 2 years is a long time. Were there signs that something was not right? Although we don't want to admit it at the time a sign shows up it might help to look back and realize he was trying to communicate but not the way we like. Say some prayers for him and be happy that he was in your life for a little while. Don't beat yourself up. It wasn't you. He couldn't give you what you needed so he left. Bad!
Hi Jane,
Are there signs to look for that will tell you if someone is the ghosting type? It seems crazy to have to wait to find out after being in a relationship for two years...
They can be subtle, Sata, but usually they're there. There's usually a feel to the relationship that you're the one who's more in it than them, that it's more one-sided than equally balanced between both people. There's a sense that something may be off if we're able to look at the relationship objectively, but quite honestly, we're usually not open to it, we're usually in denial even when someone might point it out to us, but it doesn't change the fact that it's potential is still there. It's after the fact that the stories of what was never verbalized before come out and the signs are much plainer to see. Take everything slow, remember that it's in consistent actions over time that tell you the most about who someone really is, and never lose your objectivity by assuming you are on the same page until you have enough reality to show you that you actually are. And above all, trust yourself. Do what it takes to learn how to trust yourself. Your intuitive sense from a healthy place is your best indicator of who you're with - and who you're not.
My dear, it is actually a blessing that you have come to know what sort of person he is before you get together. Don't worry, you will find someone and don't be in a hurry.
I am going through this right now. The last thing he said to me was that he was with his mother and he would talk to me soon. He had mentioned in a previous text how stressed out he was. I gave him a week and tried to reach out. I called and texted, in both messages I said that I was hoping he was ok and that I had hoped to hear from him and that I was confused as to what was going on between us. And no response. This has been a huge blow to my ego. It is really hard to accept. I have never had anyone ghost me in the 20+ years of dating. I had finally removed myself from a toxic relationship, worked on myself and he came along. He treated me better than anyone else had. I really thought I found the one. But now, I can't eat, can barely sleep. I keep replaying everything over looking for some sign of where it fell apart. My friends, my mother, my therapist are all as confused as I am. I've had insecurity issues and trust issues which I have worked with my therapist. But being ignored without an explanation is blowing these issues up. How can I trust anyone anymore? I know he's being a coward, but that doesn't make it any better on me. I feel like I am unworthy of an answer. He's acting as if I didn't exist. When just 2 weeks ago he was telling me how happy he was. I can't cry anymore. I'm just numb.
I so relate to you! My boyfriend of 13 months just did the same thing. I will never understand the words "I love you. You are my soul mate. I would die for you.... Now good bye". He is 2 years into a nasty divorce. Just because WE didn't have problems doesn't mean HE didn't have problems. The last thing on his mind is getting married or committing to anyone. Every time I have ever dated a man going through a divorce... I get burned. Lesson learned!! They need to be alone & work through their drama. Then, they will be a better man! I had to get the hell out of the way so he could save himself. It hurts. I lost 20 pounds (mostly tears) the last few weeks.
I know how you feel. I too have been in that situation with a guy going through a divorce. It was his problems even though I did everything I could to help him. He is why I started going to therapy a couple years ago. His emotions were all over the place and he dragged me along with him. He would stop talking to me, and that's where my insecurities started. BUT he would also tell me he wasn't ready for a relationship. So at least I knew that and had some answer. I realized I couldn't "save" him anymore. The next guy I dated was also divorced but their divorce was finalized and over for many years. I knew after a while he was emotionally unavailable but at least when I was having doubts he was man enough to talk to me face to face to tell me he didn't want to see me anymore. Ironically this was days before his ex wife got remarried. I just don't understand how someone can ignore their partners feelings and walk away as if they don't exist anymore. Especially when they told me that if there was something wrong in the relationship they would tell me. ( this was 2 weeks ago) and then within a week just disappear after asking what my plans were for the weekend.
I've been where you are Monica, I know how you must feel. It's awful and you think you will never be able to move on from this.
So trust me when I say you will. Give yourself time, your time.
It's been 4 months for me and even though I feel sad sometimes I am 100% sure that he wasn't a good man for me and we are better of apart.
You will get there.
It takes time but you will get there.
Keep living your life, day by day, at your pace. Get up, got to work/ school, go to the gym. Go out with friends, even if dont feel like it. At least once a week, a month...
It will get better, I promise.
Thank you Anna, I know one day I'll be better. I wasn't even sure if I was ready to put myself back out there but I figured hey it's just one date. Which turned into another date then another then another and so on. I went at his pace. I never felt like something was off. Sweet texts here and there, total gentleman when we were together, him telling me how he loved waking up next to me, even making suggestions where we should go on vacation in 6 months. I feel like I was played for a fool. How will I ever trust the next guy when this guy said all the right things are more than I expected. And then couldn't have the courage to tell me it was over. The sad thing is, the last two guys I was with ( in my previous reply) all came back within months of no contact.
Girl, you sound like me! I've had this same thing happen! You know, this "ghosting" thing seems to be all the rage with "men" these days.
I am afraid, too, to trust anyone. Like you, I have had several life experiences that teach me that trusting--men, in particular--is perilous territory.
I don't have the answers about why "men" do this sort of thing except for what Jane says...and they are definitely COWARDLY. But, like you said, knowing that does nothing for our self esteem, deep pain, and abandonment issues.
I think one more avenue you may want to explore, as I am, is if there is something about us...our beliefs about ourselves, etc...that attract us to men who are charmers at first, and then turn out to be awful! I am sure I am a jerk magnet, and I am working on myself to figure out what that is in me so that I can fix it and decrease my chances of this happening again...if I ever get up courage to get back out there again! It has been about 9 months since the last jerk, and I have not even been inclined to go on a single date.
Just know you are not alone...this ghosting thing is apparently a trend with so-called "men" these days. And it is always out of the blue...with no precipitating event! They give men a bad name.
I am sorry this happened to you...I am still hurting, too!
Other than the above, the main advice I have is DON'T CONTACT HIM AT ALL!
That never works...trust me (I know from experience.) You just get another round of pain.
He got back with his ex or got with someone else. That's it.
Even if he did move one to someone else, he could've at least have the decency to say something. Not just disappear and act like the other person doesn't exist, when they know the other person has feelings for them.
What Jane says is so true, and this was timely for me. I hope D finds comfort and wisdom in the response, as I have.
Also highly recommended the advice to remember three positive new thing every day; it really helps.
Love that advice, Liz! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
I agree with all of the above. I was in a distant relationship with a man for over 4 years, whom I allowed to' ghost me ' twice. Very painful. I think it's tied up with emotional unavailability, selfishness, narcissism, lack of empathy etc. Check out my book,' The Emperor without his new clothes' Fanomenon. You might find it helpful.
This happened to me when my Ex told me he moved away to another country when I was dealing with a miscarriage. He had left his job but the circumstances were not what he told me. This was profoundly hurtful but the more I talked to decent men, not in a dating or romantic situation, about his behavior the unanimous feedback was that it was an act of a coward and that it had nothing to do with me. Even if it did, its a statement of his character. Not a man to trust and feel safe with.