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I Feel Like I Did Everything Right, and He Still Disappeared!

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A sign post saying perfectly right.
I just don't get it - I thought I did everything right!

Our beautiful friend, Vera, feels like she did everything right this time, making sure that she wasn't pushing him away. But he still got distant and started pulling away!

Here's what she wrote:

I am no stranger to a guy pulling away and when I look back at every guy who did I realize what I did wrong to push them away.

This time it is different.

I met this guy online and from the moment we met I let him take the lead and act like the man. I NEVER once initiated contact, I did not come off as clingy or needy, I purposely said I had plans when I didn't just so it would look I was not available every time he wanted.

We dated for about 3 months and never slept together. I never at one point thought that he was after sex. He would always ask me out on actual dates and take me to  nice restaurants or movies. He always went out of the way to pick me up at my house and never pushed for me to let him come in. He is a doctor and still managed once a day to be in contact with me.

The holidays came and went and that is where things changed.Continue Reading

What No One Ever Tells You About Boundaries

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A white fence in a pasture representing boundaries in a relationship.
Boundaries. Here's why we need them.

Be a good little girl.

Be nice.

Mind your manners.

Take turns.

Share.

Put others first.

Don’t rock the boat.

Smile nicely.

Be polite.

You learned them all so well. Too well, I'll bet.

These weren’t just words to you. They defined you. You became such a good little girl, so cooperative, so nice to have around. So responsible, so predictable. So nice.Continue Reading

How Could He Just Leave Without Even Saying Goodbye?

14 Comments

A man walks down a snowy winter road.
Why did he give up?

Our beautiful friend, Tracy, has just gone through a devastating experience with an emotionally unavailable man.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

You helped me with my first break up with a emotionally unavailable man and your articles inspired me to keep my eyes open while dating.

I must admit for 4 months I was involved in a little mess here. But with your knowledge and clear look for signs I can now recover faster and be stronger.

Our story started with the dead end. But it could have change with the happy ending.

I met a wonderful man while he was travelling. We jumped into romance and adventure and soon after realized that this is something more than just a summer fling.

Even from the start I could see a red flag rising. He was from States, I was living in Australia. In beginning he thought he will stay here but after exploring his future options he couldn't see his career and life here in Australia.

All the immigration laws was against us.Continue Reading

I Want to Forgive So I Can Be Free

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I just want to be free.
How could he do this to me?

Regret. It’s something we’ve all experienced. It’s something our beautiful reader, Yvonne is going through right now as she struggles to find a way to move on from a heartbreak unlike any she’s ever experienced before. All she wants is to be free.

Here's her story:

After three tumultuous months of dating someone (the first month of which was amazing, because now I see he was luring me in like a predator) I gave him my virginity.

I was 23 and had intentionally waited for someone who I clicked with and who I felt respected and cherished me. I loved him, so I decided it was a good time. He said if I wasn't ready, we didn't have to, and a big part of me wishes I had taken that "out" he gave me (and also listened to myself; NO I was actually NOT ready.)

Having sex with him scared me.

I didn't know how to handle the new emotions that came with it, so I told him I didn't want to anymore, for awhile, because I just didn't think I was ready....

He did not handle it well.Continue Reading

He Says I'm Awesome, But He's Not Ready For a Relationship

52 Comments

A blond woman scratches her head because she's confused by her boyfriends actions.
Help! I'm so confused!

I hear it so often. "Everything's going so well, but he tells me he doesn't want a relationship".

Sound familiar? Our lovely friend Ezi is going through this right now, and she's wondering what to do.

Her email:

I met this guy online and we seemed to connect really well.

We messaged each other about everyday, then he asked for my number and then we could talk about two days for 3 hours and sometimes we'd text. We'd take turns communicating with each other.

Then we finally met in person and it worked out well. We met two more times (one of them more recently).

Since we met online, he says he likes me and says I'm awesome (I guess it's because we have similar interests and I'm "good with words"), though he says he's not ready for a relationship because he's not over his ex from 3 years ago (he feels bad for how he treated her back then), he has too much baggage, he feels I am going places in life (in terms of career), and  he feels I deserve better.Continue Reading

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