You’re calling him strong, and yourself weak.
You’re looking at him as being so strong that he can walk away as easily as he does, and then yourself as weak for not being able to do the same. You think he’s strong. You think of yourself as weak.
Because you need him. And he doesn’t need you.
So you equate that with your being the needy one, the weak one who needs someone.
And the ones who don’t need anyone, you call them strong.
But what if you’re the strong one for giving love a chance? What if you’re the strong one because you can’t just pack up your feelings and walk away? What if you’ve got this all backwards?
What if he’s really the weak one because he can’t make up his mind, doesn’t know what he wants, and hasn’t got it in him to go deeper within himself to find out?
What if you're actually strong?
Because you can admit what you want. And if you don’t, you’re on your way to finding out.
And he can’t.
Because you can refuse to settle for less than you deserve.
But still be willing to acknowledge the pain and hurt.
Because it’s you who’s willing to stay and stay and stay and try to work things out.
But he’s the first to walk away.
Because you’re here.
And he’s nowhere to be found.
Because you know you need help.
Yet he’s the last one to admit he might need help, too.
So who has it backward?
Is it really you?
Could it be that it’s your programming? Could it be that all you’ve ever heard, all you’ve ever known is that you’re strong if you don’t need anyone else but you?
But could it be that this message you received was only someone else’s misinformed version of the same thing that was passed on to them? Could it be that you might know better than them?
Me, strong? You say.
“Even if I don’t want to be alone?”
“Even if I want a man in my life – and love, and marriage, and a family – the whole package?”
Exactly that kind of strong.
Strong enough to stand up and admit to yourself – and the world – your heart’s desire.
Strong enough to not be ashamed to admit it.
Strong enough to see your strength in knowing what you want.
Stronger that you ever allow yourself to feel.
Stronger than you ever allow yourself to believe.
That’s the truth, not someone else’s story that’s become your own.
It’s not surprising you see it this way, with all the positive reinforcement you received when you were so strong, so independent, so not needy. It was only that it made life so much easier for them when you behaved that way, and not because it was of any benefit to you.
The more sensitive you were to those messages, the more this strong, independent, self-sufficient side became ingrained in you.
The more it became you.
But it’s not you. It’s yet another story from someone else’s book of dreams.
You’re the one waking up; they’re the ones still sleeping.
I’d love to hear your thoughts around this subject. What does it mean to be strong to you? Share your thoughts with us in the comments so we can all get clear on this one together!