It's almost Valentine's Day. The day that so many of us can't help but think about love. About what it is and what it isn't. And more than anything else, about the love we want and the love we so often feel we have to try to get from someone else.
And if you, like so many of the beautiful women here in our community, are finding yourself without a date to spend this Valentine's Day with, just know that you're not alone.
While it's easy to say that it's just another day, I know all too well how it's also all too easy to start feeling down, especially with all of the attention given to this holiday that's all about having someone special in your life.
So with that in mind, I've got something simple for you today. A little something to shift just a little for a moment onto someone that deserves a little extra love and attention than we normally give her.
Yes, I'm talking about you.
Get out your to-do list or a blank sheet of paper and follow along with me for some attention to detail that we often miss along the way.
Here are nine things you can do, right now, that are completely under your control, that will get things moving in the right direction:
1. Change your mindset.
You're not looking for a guy to make you happy. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Be happy first, and love will follow. So instead of looking for that love of your life that you think will make you happy, figure out what you can do that will make you happy.
And then do it.
2. Give yourself a makeover.
Get an updated haircut – Fantastic Sam's or hairdresser to the stars – it doesn't matter who you go to. It only matters how you feel. Same with makeup – try the cosmetic counter at a department store (often free if you buy something –and it only has to be one least expensive thing).
Again, it's how you feel about yourself when you're done that counts.
3. Try a new style.
Buy some new clothes – thrift shop, department store, designer store – it doesn't matter where.
It only matters how you feel. But wearing something that makes you feel like you're the most beautiful woman in the world is a feeling that's worth every single penny!
4. Find a new hobby.
Or find time to pursue a passion you've always had. Or a dream you never knew you had. Or a life you never knew you deserved.
Not sure where to start? Start with that little girl inside you who knows all this. And knows she doesn't need anyone's permission to do it.
5. Make some new friends.
They're everywhere, especially these days where you can connect on the internet with all kinds of like-minded people who are into the same things you are.
Meet-ups, book clubs, groups with a cause and events for just about every type of niche are everywhere. You just have to make the effort to find them!
6. Take yourself on a date.
Try out a new restaurant or hot spot you've always wanted to check out. No, you don't need someone to do it with you. Go yourself and pretend you're in a new city where you don't know anyone. You wouldn't expect to be there with someone if it was the first time in a new place, so pretend that's exactly what it is!
7. Try something new.
Sign up for a class you've always wanted to take – or one that just now sounds interesting.
Your local community college or local community calendar should have listings for all kinds of them!
8. Smile.
As often as you can. To yourself. To people you know. To people you don't. Honestly, it changes things!
9. Find your wings.
Yours. Not anyone else's. This one's up to you. However this speaks to you, whatever comes up for you, run with it. There's a beautiful life just waiting for you to create it right there inside you.Once you've done all the other things on this list, this one will come to you naturally. There's a place for you and people just like you. Whoever you are, whatever you're going through.
What I'm really saying here?
Live your own life.
Don't make finding him the center of your universe. Be your own true self. Be authentic. Fill your life with your own friends, your own hobbies, your own passions.
Be yourself. Be honest. Be real.
Keep your options open and adopt the mindset that you are the prize here - because you are! Make your own life so full and happy with the things that bring you joy so that you won't be looking to him to complete you or fill you up.
That's what this is all about: living your own beautiful life in such a way that what someone else does or doesn't do doesn't matter; what matters above all else is your own happiness!
How about you - what are you feeling this week with Valentine's Day coming up? Tell us in the comments!
I want to wish each and every one of you a Happy Valentine's Day. You are all very wonderful people.
Happy Valentine's day to you, too, Wayne. You are also wonderful.
Thank you for your words, Wayne. You are one of these very wonderful people, too.
Greetings Jane:
Thank you, I am okay. I have taken my wings back. I feel like I am a hostage. He gave me truck but I did give him money for it as at the time he was facing financial issues and the good person I am had the money and gave him money for the truck which I though he would be happy with. Then during our platonic relationship he kept bringing up that the truck was worth over that amount, he also gave me things and one time we were at odds and were going to break up and he told me I came out like a bandit, I emailed sent did not ask for the stuff and he can have it all back. I have not seen him since New Year's Day. My last email to him I told him how I felt and I could not be a platonic relationship and he told me he did not have time for the bullshit and told me I lost him and he was going to block me on emails as he had enough and going to mail me my stuff. I did text him on Jan. 28th. and asked him for the title to the vehicle and he sent - idk. I sent a ?. I have not been in contact with him since then. I still have not received my stuff. I also have many items of his that were in the truck and at the time he was going through a divorce to Mexican gal who was trying to take 40% of his income. They were married for 40 days. She never got the 40% because he hired a lawyer. I had known and been with him two years before he married the Mexican gal. He told me why he let me go and married the Mexican gal. To me his tell me why's were not substantiated. It is was it was. I accepted it we were together again for almost a year. I could not handle him being bossy being in a platonic relationship. He also told me one time I should not question his virility. In my time to think and do research he is an Narcissist. He has Corvette which he praises, a Yukon, Dually, Suburban gets $5,000. a month as vet. Is it fair to say he is Narcissist and those type we need to let go. I am sharing this truth. Share my truth. Thank you.
BTW we have never been around each other for any Valentine's Day!
You're more than ok, Catherine. Take those wings of yours and keep flying - in the direction of your dreams, your plans, your goals, your YOU. The farther you get away from his world, the more clearer this is all going to become. You deserve so much more than this!
Jane love the article...I have a special friend that I have been dating for about 7 months now...I am still going to buy me some roses and pamper myself...because I LOVE ME!!! I am not waiting on my friend to make me feel special or happy on Valentine's Day...I am going to do for myself!!! "Living your own beautiful life in such a way that what someone else does do or doesn't matter"!!!
Thank you, RealDavis. I'm so glad you enjoyed this. Love hearing your plans. This is exactly my point - no matter how long, no matter who he may be, don't ever lose sight of beautiful you!
Good Morning!
Thank you Jane for all of your insight and words of wisdom. They resonate and have helped me grow internally even though I am in my 40's. I bought myself a bouquet of flowers and have them in a room I can look at all of the time. On a sunny day it is off to the mountains for a walk with nature. One of my favorites is to smile at a stranger passing by! 🙂
Sounds beautiful, Charlene. And thank you for your kind words. So glad what I'm saying is resonating with you - at any age! It's never, ever too late to grow. Love "one of your favorites" - it's one of my own as well because you honestly never know who or what you will find there - or what a difference you will make. 🙂
nice advice Jane. as I'm going to do it. I firstly want to thank you somuch for all the good qoutes and words u've said to me I appreciate it
You're so welcome, Prudence. And thank you. I'm so glad you're finding these helpful!
Hi Jane
I plan on following your advice here. In fact, I know that I am living my life.
I'm spending more time with my kids, which has been my goal since I left my marriage. I know that having a man in my life won't make me happy, but I Also know that it's what I want. I'm not looking for him, but I'm not settling for less than someone who wants to join me in my life, compliment me, compliment each other. I know he's out there, I may already know him. When I feel frustrated with the people (especially the men) in my life, I take a step back and focus on me.
I have no plans for this weekend, but I'm not worried. I enjoy my own company. I'm gonna get my hair and makeup done, buy a new outfit, go to dinner, and maybe even a movie, all with my favorite person, Me!
Love and hugs to all!
Awesome, Jennifer! Enjoy. You've gotten so clear with yourself - and that's what matters. I'd love to join you! 🙂
LOVE IT!!! DO YOU!!!
In last few years on valentines day I've always felt alone & left out n I went out with a friend for dinner n It was good, no men have given me roses
This year I found a guy n been with him for 2 months n I bought him a card n gift n he's still got to do it for me, so i feel happy Im spending valentines day with him. So it's gonna be completely different this year compared to past valentines day
If he was to buy me roses n chocs I would be so happy n special. Who knows what he will do on v.day
When we talked about the 1st time I told him I was sad on that day every year n he felt upset so we felt the same way.
The trouble is if I kee talking about it he will be annoyed n over it
Then here's to a new year and a special Valentine's Day, Courtney. Know that you are special regardless of what he - or anyone else - does or doesn't do for you! You'll find that the more you focus on the negative, the easier it is to keep going there, so try focusing instead on making it a new tradition this year to see the positive side of this day - especially because it will be different from last year - and then you won't need to keep talking about it.