It's Thanksgiving here in the United States, and I wanted to take the opportunity to let all of you know just how thankful I am that you're all here, and for the words of encouragement that you share with me and with our community.
I also wanted to thank you for sharing your lives with me and touching my heart with your personal stories.
If I had my wish, I’d want all of us to spend Thanksgiving together this year.
Forget the logistics, because, yes, I’m well aware that we’d have to rent a small stadium to hold all of us, but wouldn't it be wonderful?
All of us together, free to be our best, most beautiful selves, free to do what we want and live the way we want. Just enjoying the day without worrying about what others are thinking, wondering if they're judging us for being alone.
You could just be.
You could just enjoy.
Free of the worry about those inevitable questions from your well-intentioned family members about whether you are dating anyone, leaving you to wondering about the hidden messages behind the questions.
Barring us all getting together in this one joyous gathering that I can, at least right now, only dream about, we can at least be with each other in spirit. We can feel good knowing that we all have a safe place to turn, a community of beautiful, encouraging women that we can reach out to in order to get the support we need.
So, in the spirit of being thankful, I wanted to convey to you a sense of what I hope for you to feel this holiday season. I want you to see that it’s not about any lack. It’s not about anything you don’t have. It’s about what you do have!
It's about seeing the opportunity, the endless possibilities that lie before you. It's about being grateful for everything that you have in your life right now, and forgetting about what you think might be missing. You see, what very few of us see when we’re still in it, when we’re still in that place where things aren't yet the way we pictured our lives at this point in time, is that we have some very special things to be thankful for.
So, while there are many more, and I'll ask you to come up with your own that apply to your specific life and circumstances, to get you started here are three things you can all be thankful for in your love life right now:
1. You!
Yes, you know that beautiful woman otherwise known as you? The one that knows her own worth, who refuses to settle for anything less than she knows she deserves? You know how she figured this all out?
By going through what you've been through.
By being willing to put yourself out there and refusing to let your heart get hardened.
Few of us learn the things we do without going through our heartbreaks the hard way. Few of us remain unscathed. And yet, just by getting to this point, just by finding your way here, you’re showing that you've got that resilience to rediscover your true beautiful self and find a love for yourself first that you never knew you were capable of.
It’s only when we learn to love ourselves like this, that we shine that beautiful light of our true selves bright enough so that someone who’s truly deserving of you will be able to see exactly the woman he’s been looking to find in you.
2. That he didn't call or wouldn't commit.
I know it seems like the last thing you want to be thankful for. After all, that’s exactly what you wanted – you wanted him to call or maybe you were hoping for a commitment from him.
But please hear me when I say that if he wasn't there, if he wasn't on the same page as you, the very last thing you would have wanted in the end was a guy who was leading you on, giving you just enough to keep you hanging, wasting your life away waiting for him to finally be ready for commitment.
You would have found yourself in that miserable kind of a non-relationship with a guy who isn't really into you, a guy who is committing just enough for you to stay stuck in a relationship that he didn't really want.
No matter how much you wanted it to work out, know that you only knew the part of the story that was all about the potential only you were seeing; the rest of the story was the reality that he knew he wasn't on your page. The only ending that two people on different pages end up with is heartbreak, and you know you deserve more than that.
3. For all that is still to come.
This isn't how your story ends, no matter how much it seems like it sometimes. Your life up until now has just been one story, one way of seeing, one way of living. You are just beginning to catch a glimpse of the life that is still waiting for you.
We can get so stuck in that place of doubt, where we begin to think that the love and the life we desire, the life that seems so effortless for everyone else, is somehow out of our own reach. But when we come to see that there isn't a select chosen few who somehow deserve more, when we come to see that there is nothing we don’t have that someone else has, a type of shifting begins to happen. We start to question, we start to say why not me?, and we start to see the cultural factors that have played into a programming of how we believe ourselves and our lives to be.
With every learning experience along the way, a little more light shines through. A new way of seeing becomes that much more of a possibility, and a new energy and confidence begins to replace what was once only heartbreak and despair.
It doesn't matter where you've been, or what you've been through. See yourself the way I see you; see all that is still to come for you the way I see it for you. You haven’t been forgotten, you haven’t been passed by. Keep that beautiful dream alive in your heart and soul and don’t let anyone or anything extinguish it.
You have so much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday and every day!
How about you? What are you thankful for in your life right now? Tell us about it in the comments!
Thanks, Jackie
I'm thankful that the man of my dreams was callous and cold and shoved me away so harshly he might as well have punched me in the face physically. Because last year at this time I had to choose whether I would become bitter and closed off angry at life OR evolve and heal the what was going on in me that attracted him in the first place. One year later not only do I consider finding this blog from Jane to be a daily booster but in choosing to heal and clear karma there are many people in my life now whom I'm so grateful for. In the past as incident like this would have made me bitter. But last year I was very conscious that I'd use it to make me better.
We live, we learn, we grow. Along the way, we come to a place like you, Jackie, where we realize we're the ones doing the choosing here, we're the ones who choose how we want to live our lives in spite of what anyone else says or does. Thanks for sharing!
I think there are people who do this to others and it's just how they are. The only thing I can do is be able to recognize it fast so I prevent them from being in my life.
So true, Jackie; thank you!
Hi Jackie and Jane,
I am at the place now where I want to find out why I attract these type of guys as well. I also do not want to become bitter and put men all in one category because I know that everyone is not the same. I just don't know where to start in this process I know I deserve better, but it is always after the man has left. Why am I not strong enough when I see the signs to reevaluate and get out. That is the part I want to work on. I am a work in progress, but I want to learn how to make better decisions this is not the life I want to live to be misused and treated badly by men that are suppose to love me. Jackie can you give me some tips on how you got to the point you are at now? Thanks!
I so hear what you're saying, Sophia, it's the core of what makes a certain kind of man attracted and attractive to us and why we don't even notice or attract the ones who we actually want in our lives! It all begins with learning to love and respect yourself so that you know what you deserve, you know what your boundaries are and you refuse to allow anyone - or anything -in your life that doesn't hold this same view of you. It's finding out who you are, and what you're truly looking for, and then learning to recognize your blindspots and triggers from your past relationships. It's about being aware of the red flags and warning signs so that you'll know what to look out for before you give yourself away and get more involved. It's about taking your time to really get to know someone and not jumping ahead when everything seems too good to be true. It's about you setting the pace for the relationship and slowing things down so that you can enjoy the whole point of what dating is for; to get to know someone, to find out if you're both on the same page and want the same things, and to have fun while doing this!
When you're living your life like this, when you're discovering all that you are, and all that you have to offer someone who is truly deserving of you, there is a beautiful type of confidence that emulates from you that changes who you attract and what you find yourself attracted to because it's real, it comes from an authentic place from within yourself and isn't an act you're trying to follow. It's about being hard to get and not acting or playing hard to get. It's a process, Sophia, and you're on your way, just recognizing these patterns and being open and willing to seeing what you haven't been able to see in the past.
I have a signature e-course that will answer and address so many of the things I'm talking about here that you're asking about, Sophia!
Thanks, Jane!
I have pondered this as well and what I've found is that there is alot of inner work required to be able to recognize these types of people and avoid them. Between EMDR, Debi Berndt's work on CreativeLove.com, and NLP for Relationships by Cinthia Dennis, I am tackling this.
Lovely written Jane. It would be amazing to have a big party and
Celebrate and to dance and laugh.
Well I thank also my mother and ancestors that I am here where I am.
In peace and in a warm house. I am thankfull for being healthy and being passionatly
Curios.
I am thanking you Jane for the advice and inspiration, bless you!
I'm always so grateful for this forum through which I can provide that inspiration, Maris; thank you for sharing. Sending you much love and blessings your way, too!
I am thankful for my mom! I have had a recent breakup the case of the disappearing man and with the help of y our articles it has help me a lot. My mom has been in my corner listening to me talk non-stop about who does these types of things and holding me when I would cry. I read your articles daily and I want to say Jane I am thankful for you too. I am thankful for the readers that comment and leave helpful advice and inspirational stories on your blog. I am thankful that maybe now I can see a bright future for myself besides mediocrity when it comes to relationships. Always waiting for someone to see how special I am, always waiting from them to see am the good nice girl am not like all the rest, always hoping that the distant I feel from each boyfriend is not the reality when it is. I am thankful most of all that knowing when I feel these signs and see these signs I am not crazy. Thanks!
This is beautiful, Sophia; thank you for sharing your heart like this with us. I know exactly what you mean about your mom; my own mom was always my biggest cheerleader when I couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel, and when, like you, I needed someone to hold me and catch my tears. Thanks for reminding me of those special memories in the midst of some of my darkest moments, Sophia. 🙂
Know that the only reason your past boyfriends haven't see you for the special, beautiful, nice - and yes, so different from all the rest! - girl is because they haven't been there, they haven't been the one who will be looking for exactly who you are and all you have to offer that can only come from you! And no, you are never crazy when you go there; we all have our moments, we all need that reality check that we're ok and not crazy for thinking like we do - and wanting what we do! - and you are never, ever alone in this.
Thank you! so much Jane keep inspiring others 🙂