Real love never leaves you hanging.
Real love never keeps you guessing.
Real love never leaves you wondering.
Real love never makes you feel bad.
Real love never makes you question yourself.
Real love never makes you feel anxious or insecure.
Real love never makes you feel alone.
Real love never hurts.
If you're feeling any of these, it's not real love, so don't be fooled into calling it that. Don't try to convince yourself that you have to put up with someone's hurtful behavior or settle for their crumbs all in the name of love because real love just doesn't work that way.
We sometimes call it real love because it's all we've ever known love to be about, but just because that's been our past experience, it doesn't mean it's true.
It's not.
The irony is that sometimes we have to give up our preconceived notions of what love is in order to find out what real love truly is.
And when you find it, when you experience the sweet gift of real love, you will know without a doubt what it is. Until then, it's about letting go of any love that falls short of honoring your beautiful you and all that you are and have to offer. It's about learning to love yourself so that you can begin to feel what it's like to be loved for who you truly are.
It's about sifting through the players and users who use love like it's a game to be won at your heart and soul's expense. It's about learning to say no when our old selves are crying out yes. It's about embracing every part of ourselves; our whole selves that includes our faults and flaws. And seeing the beauty within. The love we have to offer. The hearts we all too willingly give for so little in return.
There is such a beauty within if we could just learn to recognize it ourselves. Once we see that, once we get who we really are, what we have to give, and the real prize we truly are for the right kind of man, we see that there is no question that we must hold onto ourselves until we have seen what he is offering us.
I am engaged and freaking out. I love my fiancé but now we are in a long distance relationship until the wedding, which spikes my anxiety even more. He is caring, honest, and thoughtful but sometimes I wonder if our personalities are compatible long-term. We can both be goofy, but he can be quick to judge others and look more pessimistically on life. I guess sometimes I miss my ex's sense of humor and teasing me-although I know we were't good together long-term. My fiancé and I started a relationship right after my ex broke up with me and I took it as a rebound at first. He started to grow on me because he does push me to learn and get more out of life. He lets me be myself completely and loves me for it. I just wonder if he takes like too seriously for me and if I am making a mistake. Am I just nit picking all of his qualities? I also feel like I have a long way to go to truly love myself and know what I want and am scared of marriage. I have told him this but we have been together 3 years...shouldn't I be ready or break it off? I am terrified of marrying the wrong person but also terrified of leaving the right person. How does anyone know? (I have always struggled with indecisiveness!)
Jane, would you please remove my comment afterwards?
Thank you!
Good afternoon Jane! 🙂
I've found your articles full of wisdom and great advice. However, I am in need of some advice/insight since you have more life/relationship experience than I do (of course any response from others are totally welcome as well).
Your advice will be greatly appreciated!
I am 27 yrs old, in relationship with a 33 yr old pilot for 11 months now. I had never been with anyone as long as I have been with him. It was great, I found someone I didn't have to pretend to be someone else, he preferred my quiet nature, and when we did communicate it could have been about anything, there were no taboo topics!. I could open up like i didn't before. To this day, he is always attentive, we talk over the phone everyday or text if he gets home late from work. Everything sounds great until but, his dream is to be and airline pilot one day, (he flies charter now and 99% of the time he's home which is good). Right now he is stressed alot, because of the hours, doesn't get much much rest at least a couple of days a week., and fed up with management. When the weekend comes, which should be our time to unwind, he can't because I'm there in a small apartment (800 something sq ft) with him feeling a bit crowded and we're 2 people who can't sleep beside each other in a king sized bed. It's fine with me if we could get another bed, I sometimes sleep on the couch, which is not a big deal to me but he feels guilty. He told me on the weekend that he feels kind of depressed and would like it if I'd give him the weekend off alone to pull himself together because of the above mentioned. I freaked out, and said to him that we don't even live together, and that i'm only there from thursday night to monday morning as I leave to go to work, then go home after. I told him thats not very family man like, (in reality I meant not relationship like but didnt say it) which found very offensive. He said I am selfish and thinking of myself and not really understanding what supportive means. I saw that I was and apologized. I don't think he knows how to unwind, he said there is only so much he can handle and can be set in his ways. We used to go to the gym together (until all the free trials at various gyms were done) that was our thing, but getting a membership is expensive. He doesn't have any long term relationship experience either, he is used to being alone.
We used to cook together, which I though was our thing but turned out he only helped because I told him I hate cooking. He said a Ukrainian wife would have meals ready and be happy just doing that. (he prefers traditional roles I guess) I was so offended but I didn't even bring it up. I'm not even sure how or from where he got the idea that those women are so much better. We're both european. It totally felt like thats the kind of woman he wants. I should like/learn cooking a bit more, he deserves that much. Even though he apologized and said he can be very blunt and it's not that he didn't appreciate the other things I'd do for him.
The other thing is that if he gets hired as an airline pilot he'll pack up and move to where the base is ( I wasn't mentioned in this conversation) (We are in Canada) so what happens to us? I'll be alone in an unknown city, no family, friends for a long time, without a job for who knows how long, while he's flying several days a week without seeing each other. Not to mention his pay will be extremely low since he'd have to start at the bottom. I don't even know how'd he support us on such a low income.
I posted under this article because when you said "Real Love" never leaves you anxious, insecure, guessing, etc. well, all of the above doesn't apply to me. ( I am actually insecure as a person) I feel life is not that easy where "love conquers all"
Overall I think we match well enough, he's a good person, intelligent, and he's there for me when I need it.
I don't know, I want to hope for the best. Wouldn't want him seeing this.
I know I've thrown a lot together Jane, thank you for your time!
Wishing you a nice day!
I have been reading a lot of these posts, and feel so grateful that I found this site, so many of
these comments and posts resonate with me, it's as if each one is talking to me directly, so much of
what I am going through is mentioned and the advice and comments are so inspiring and empowering. I am still struggling with letting go of a relationship that has crushed and devastated me to my very core, but I am slowley seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and know that very soon all this hurt, and emotional pain will be behind me. I have made a vow to myself, never to go back, but each day will try to be stronger until it's only a bad memory that I have learned from.
And you will get there, Marie; even though it is never as quick as we'd like it to be, you will! 🙂