I was waiting at the checkout counter today when a title on one of the CD's caught my eye. It was Taylor Swift's We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, and I noticed it was advertised as having been a number one single. I hadn't heard the song before, so I downloaded it when I got home. Of course it was a number one single! It says exactly what we've all wanted to say at one time or another.
Isn't that what we all want to be able to do? Don't we all want to be able to stand up so strong, so confident in ourselves and what we know we deserve, and say these words to that guy, the one who took us for a ride, the one who played our hearts?!
We want permission, we want to be given the right to say something that strong. We want to have that same resolve. That same type of confidence.
Because as much as we want to say this to him, we're scared to. Scared that he might be the one, and we let him go. Scared that there's no one else coming around. Scared that he just might be our last chance.
We're scared that we don't deserve better. Scared to stand up like this and let him know in no uncertain terms just like this that we are done! That we refuse to be treated like this anymore, and we would rather be alone than be with someone like him treating us like this!
So to hear someone else speak these words, it resonates with us. Because through them, by her saying these words we're all feeling, it feels like you are the one speaking them. You feel strong. Because somehow, if she can do this, so can you. If she can do it, so can you. It gives you permission. To say what's really on your mind, say what you really feel.
But the reality is, you are that strong! You don't need anyone else to go before you! You don't need anyone else to give you permission! You can stand up for yourself and look that fear right in the face and say I am not allowing myself to be treated like this anymore! We are not getting back together ever again!
With that same resolve, with that same kind of confidence. You really do have that same kind of confidence, that inner strength, that same kind of right to stand up for yourself and let him know what you will and will not take. What you are not willing to settle for. And not because anyone else does it for you.
But because we don't get that deep down, somehow we don't believe it. After all, we were taught to be good little girls who don't rock the boat. Who cater to these men. Who spend our time proving we are worth something to him. To them. To ourselves.
So we can't possibly say something like this to him. Stand up for ourselves like this. What if he's the one? What if he's my last chance? What if he's the only one who will accept me the way I am? What if...?
And then, worse than those fears, is that you will only have yourself to blame. You will have to live with the guilt that if only you hadn't spoken those words and said what you did, you wouldn't still be alone. You did this. And then they will be right. They will have been right all along. You aren't lovable. You don't have worth. You don’t deserve better. You don’t deserve to have love in your life. You don't have the right to stand up for yourself. And it will be all your fault. Again.
Please stop. Stop going there. Stop this kind of thinking. Stop being so hard on yourself. This kind of backtracking serves no one, but especially doesn't serve you, my sweet beautiful friend. You are lovable You do deserve better than this. And if he isn't the one, there will be someone else. So say those words if that's what's appropriate. Say that to him if that's what you really want to say. If that's what your heart and soul need to speak. And don't look back. Don't go there. You deserve everything love and life have to offer you. You deserve nothing less than someone who adores you and loves that side of you, that woman that knows her true worth and isn't afraid to speak her own truth.
So say it as loud and strong as you need to. It still won't be as loud and strong as you think. It takes practice to really get that you have the right to stand up for what you know is right and refuse to back down if it doesn't serve that beautiful woman you are.
Remember, you really are that strong!