Your You

It's A Journey

It's been a little over a year since I created this website and began blogging here. Some of you have been on here since the beginning; some of you have just recently found me.

Many of you are wondering why it hasn't happened for you yet, and how long it will take.

The reality is it's not about an overnight solution, some magic formula that makes it happen instantly.

It's about a journey.

A real life journey deep into the inner parts of ourselves that we may not have even known existed. It's peeling away the layers of ourselves, our lives, our experiences, our programming, until we discover that we are not any of those, individually, but all of them.

We are our true selves; our beautiful, radiant, confident full selves with so much love to give, so much to offer, and no reason whatsoever to sell ourselves short and settle for anything less than a full rich relationship with so much to offer in return.

It's about support, about love, about not settling for anything less than you deserve. And knowing what you do deserve in the first place.

That's what this is about.

Not an overnight magical solution. A journey filled with support, and love, and care for you for your heart and soul. Someone here for you along the way to remind you of all that you have, all that you are, and all that you have to offer.

Someone here to remind you of what it takes and why it's worth it. And someone who understands like so few do who haven't been there for themselves firsthand. Someone you can pour out your soul to without being afraid of what they will think of you. Someone who loves you just for who you are.

Until we can celebrate together when you too look back on this journey and see what it all has meant. To see the beauty in you and the life you've created for yourself.

Celebrate you.

To celebrate you and what you have attracted because you've made the choice along the way to celebrate your whole you, complete with those flaws and shortcomings you're learning to embrace and love because they are a part of you. And finding out they aren't flaws and shortcomings after all.

Because this isn't about what’s wrong with you; it's about learning who you really are, figuring out what you're all about it and finding and embracing the real you. Because it's when we find our true selves and embrace and love that person of you that we open up the universe to attract the same back to us, to reflect back to us that love in the form of a special someone who's been looking for someone just like us on his own journey.

It's not about fitting a mold of what we think someone is looking for. It's about finding ourselves and then attracting that special person who's looking for someone exactly like us, just like our true self has been looking for someone exactly like him. Even if it takes a lot longer than you thought it would.

When you look back from the other side, you'll realize that the journey was necessary, all of it, with all of the twists and turns.

And then it will all make sense.

Don't Go There

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It's been awhile since it ended, and you start thinking that enough time has gone by that it might be nice to reach out and see how he's doing. To see how he now feels about you, about the relationship, now that some time has passed. To see if anything has changed.

You didn't really want it to end, but he wasn't ready for what you were ready for, and things just weren't the same, so you finally accepted that the only thing left to do for yourself and your self-esteem was to let go and let him go free. It just wasn't working out the way you'd so hoped it would.

Or maybe he ended it, saying he just wasn't ready for any kind of real relationship, the kind of commitment you were looking for from him.

It ended.

Whatever the reason, whoever initiated the ending, whatever it looked like in the end, it ended.

And now, here you are, thinking about him again, about what might have been, about what could still be if only he would give you and the relationship another chance.

You had no idea just how much this would hurt. Just how painful it would be to live without any part of him in your life, even if what you got from him was so little. This feels so much worse.

So you call him, text him, or maybe email him. And the response you get leaves you feeling so much worse than you ever felt the first time. You can't believe you read him so wrong. He's not missing you. He's moved on. He wasn't waiting for you to call.

Or worse, he doesn't answer you at all, just leaves you hanging on again, feeling worse than if you had never contacted him at all.

Don't go there.

The bottom line is, don't do this. Don't put yourself through this.

You see, my beautiful friend, he knows. It doesn't matter how it ended. It doesn't matter if he ended it, if you finally had enough and ended it yourself or if it slowly ended on its own from lack of attention or attrition, the end result is the same.

He knows that you didn't want it to end. He knows all too well just how much you wanted it to be different. He knows it's about him. He knows it's over because he's not ready to give you what you had every right to want from him in a relationship – the kind of commitment everyone deserves.

But he wasn't able to do it, and he is still isn't. He knows it's his move, his choice. He knows it's up to him. Whether or not he won't, or can't, or just isn't capable of changing, he knows what needs to change to make this relationship work. And nothing has changed if you're the one still reaching out to him for another chance, another try.

If it's going to be, it's not up to you; it has to come from him. And you'll know because he'll be the one reaching out to you. But don't hold your breath, my sweet friend, because he doesn't think like you do. Don't go there.

Call a friend instead.

Call someone you trust your tears with, and let it all out.

Of course it hurts, of course it feels like you'll never find love again. Like you'll never find anyone to love again like him. And of course it will feel like those crumbs you settled for were so much better than this. But they weren't. And he wasn't worth what you put yourself through. And that beautiful, soft heart of yours deserves so much more than this.

No matter how much this makes you feel like love just doesn't exist for you, don't let you heart get hardened. This isn't about him, it's really about you. And how much there is just waiting for you out there if you can go through this now until you get to the other side.

I promise you that one day, this will all make sense, and you will see so clearly what you can't see today, or tomorrow or even the next day after that. But one day, soon, you will wake up after finally being able to sleep again, and you will see that glimmer of sunshine peer out from underneath all those dark clouds, and you will discover a whole new world of love and life just waiting for you to take a chance on it.

Tomorrow's a new day, and it will be here soon. But don't do this to yourself today. It will only make you feel so much worse.

For now, you're learning that you do have strength that you never knew you had, that you do have worth beyond what you ever even knew.

This is your time to find yourself and your you again. Go and find her; she's wonderful.

The Missing Piece

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No matter how many times you've read or been told it's ultimately about loving yourself, about being confident, about remembering all that you are and all that you have to offer, there is still that part of you that just doesn't know what to do with that.

You read it, you get it, but how to get there from where you're at now is the part that's just not happening. You start by resolving to love yourself, to take better care of yourself, to start treating yourself like the beautiful woman you're being told you truly are, but nothing changes.

You don’t feel any different.

You're not attracting anything different. And you're beginning to wonder if there really is something wrong with you that you can't even master these simple steps. Why does everyone else seem to be able to do this, when you can't?

It all begins with a shift.

Of course you can't start loving loving yourself if you don't find anything loveable about yourself in the first place. Of course you can't start being confident when you're doubting your ability or worthiness to be loved by anyone who's worthy. Of course you can't remember all that you are and all that you have to offer if you don't believe you are all that in the first place.

But what you can do, what you can do right now, is shift your mindset. Stop looking at yourself the way you've always looked at yourself.

It's time to change our self-talk.

Instead of the negative self-talk, instead of looking at what's wrong with you, what about changing that and looking at all that's right with you? What about looking at all your positive qualities first, instead of all the negative press you usually give yourself? When you've lived thinking so little of yourself for so long, it's so easy to forget what's so great about you.

We're taught from such a young age that to think of ourselves this way - as great, as wonderful, as beautiful, as all that – is boastful, and selfish, and bad, and instead we're rewarded by putting ourselves last, everyone else first, by focusing on what we need to improve about ourselves. And what we really hear through all this is that there is inherently something wrong with us.

The truth is, there's nothing wrong with us. It's not about that at all. Instead, it's about rising above everything we've been led to believe about ourselves as being true, and starting a new belief system about ourselves. It's time to tear up those lists that say we need to be something different, when who we are is enough.

More than enough.

It's time to go beyond our list of self-improvements we've been told we need to make and realize we are OK just as we are. There are always things we can do to improve ourselves. There are always things we can do better or differently.

But the difference here is that when we look at ourselves in the light of how can we be our best selves, instead of the mindset of how can we fix what is wrong with us, there is a huge shift that takes place. One view only sees the negative that needs changing; the other sees a beautiful point from which to love ourselves and get to an even higher place of self-love and care.

One is about what we need to do to be accepted and loved outside of ourselves. The other is about how we can love ourselves and care for ourselves in such a way that we become everything our endless potential can see us being.

Do you see the difference? That missing piece, begins and ends with you. You cannot expect anyone else to do this for you. Remember that feeling you get when you're in love, when someone loves you back for you, that you finally have that feeling that you can do anything? That's what I'm talking about here.

You don't need to be loved by anyone outside of yourself to have that same feeling. That is the feeling that loving yourself and having that kind of self-respect and self-confidence brings into your life. You are not an impostor if you have it within yourself. You have simply discovered the secret that most people don't even realize has been right there within themselves all along.

You.

The real beautiful, confident, radiant, you!

You Don't Need to Be Chosen

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I see you everywhere I go. All around me, you're everywhere. So much insecurity. So many of you deferring to these guys. Hanging on to them so tightly, literally. Like you need them.

You believe you do. It’s the flawed belief system that’s in so many of you. You're not flawed; it's just the system you bought into, that you've been programmed with.

It's your beliefs that fuel the insecurities, making you believe you need a guy to choose you in order for you to be all right. I know, because I've been there.

I see you. You’re dressed to attract (the wrong guys). You’re talking to attract (the wrong guys). But if they’ll just hold your hand one more time you’ll take it, because you need that to know you have worth.

You just don’t realize you already have worth, without them; that you have a birthright to claim, just because you’re you. Just the way you are.

But you won’t believe it, because no one makes you feel OK, no one has ever made you feel OK; in fact just the opposite.

But the point is that you don't need anyone else to make you feel OK. You can just feel OK, make yourself feel OK by just being yourself. Just reveling in you. Because you is where it’s at. You’re special just because you’re you. Not anyone else.

But you won’t believe it; no one does. And you can’t get that empty “who do I think I am?” feeling out of your head.

Because we all shortchange ourselves. Believe we’re nothing. Believing we're nothing without being chosen, without a worthy guy to make us worthy. Without a guy who measures up in our culture with what our culture says he needs to be. What we need to be.

So there you are, all dolled up, all sexy, showing your worth, showing what you've got. Because if you’re not putting it out there, someone else will and she’ll be picked. She’ll be the chosen one. Because that's what we think it’s all about.

Pick me, pick me, please pick me.

I hear you because I used to be saying it too. And now I'm trying to drown out all those other voices with mine, saying, beautiful one, beautiful you, come home to yourself, and the beauty that is in you; the beauty that is you.

Being chosen is a lie. You've got it all inside. You don’t need anyone outside of yourself to make you feel alive. You were picked on the day you were conceived.

The universe became a better place on the day you entered the world.

What Do You Have to Say?

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I've heard what he says, you've told me. But what I'm more interested in is: What do you say?

What do you like to do? Where do you like to go? What are your dreams? Your goals? What are you passionate about?

Who are YOU?

You can answer so many questions about him; you know everything about what he likes to do, what he enjoys, what makes him happy, what makes him tick. But I've heard enough about him.

I want to hear about you!

So tell me what makes you happy, what makes you tick, what gives you that joy of living. Tell me all about the things you can do, the talents and gifts you possess, the accomplishments you've had. Tell me all about the things you never knew were possible that you've made happen. The handicaps you've overcome. Tell me all about the things they said you'd never do that you showed them you could more than do. I want to hear all about it. Show me you and all that you are.

The real you.

Show me that strong woman underneath all that fear who can do anything she puts her mind to. Show me how you do it. Show me the strength that permeates through you when there's a cause you believe in. A cause you're standing up for. I want to see you at your best, focusing on you, reveling in all that you are and all that you have to offer.

I don't care about him.

I want to see you!

He's Going to Fall For You

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Ladies, it's time to stop worrying about what you said or didn't say, what you did or didn't do, or any of those other regrets you have when you feel like things aren't going well. It doesn't matter.

None of those things really matter.

They are of no significance in the realm where the kind of attraction we're seeking takes place, where the true seeds of love are sown.

It's time to stand up for that inner person of you, instead of breaking her down. It's time to stop beating yourself up and being so hard on yourself. It's time to stop regretting all those things you do that you seem to have such a hard time not doing.

Dwelling on all of these only brings you down and makes you feel worse about yourself and your current state of affairs. It doesn't serve you one bit to stay in that place where there is no self-love, no remembering all that you are and all that you have to offer someone, no honoring of your you.

Because the point here is that when you cross paths with that special one who is looking for you as much as you are looking for him, it won't be those little things that you think are going to make or break the relationship. He won't be looking so closely at those things you love to hate about yourself; he'll be looking at who you are, what makes you uniquely you, the essence of you!

That's what attracts him, calls him over, causes him to take a second look in your direction. And that's what gets him to stay.

It's your aura, your energy, your essence.

And the more you are in touch with who you really are and all those aspects of your personality, your temperament, your heart, your soul, everything that is unique to you, the more someone looking for someone just like you will be able to see all of you come shining through. You see, the key to attracting someone who is worthy of our love, and all that we have to offer is to first see ourselves in the beautiful light of our very essence.

Exactly what attracts him to us is what we must first discover in ourselves. It's only when we see ourselves in this same light, with love and acceptance instead of hate and rejection, that he will be able to see us in this same way, too.

We all have those things about ourselves we want to change.

But there's a difference between loathing the person we see in the mirror and working towards becoming our best selves. One view knocks us down. The other view sees us rising to become the person we truly are underneath all the layers of our defenses and our pretenses.

It's time to stop all this focusing on everything outside of ourselves and come back in to that beautiful place deep inside that's been vacant for far too long. That place where the inner light of you gives up settling for the dim light of mediocrity and refuses to settle for anything less than the glorious illuminating light that is your birthright!

Find that essence within yourself and the one who's meant to find you will find it too. And when he falls for you, he'll be falling for the real you.

Your essence.

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It's A Journey

It's about a journey.

Celebrate you.

Don't Go There

It ended.

Don't go there.

Call a friend instead.

The Missing Piece

You don’t feel any different.

It all begins with a shift.

It's time to change our self-talk.

More than enough.

You.

You Don't Need to Be Chosen

What Do You Have to Say?

Who are YOU?

I want to hear about you!

The real you.

He's Going to Fall For You

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