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"I'm So Disappointed in You"

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands wonders what to do.
The words cut so deep.

Did you feel that one?

I know I did.

It starts as a memory. A memory we feel down to the very core of our being. “I’m so disappointed in you.”

And then it carries over into every part of our lives for a long, long time.

It’s a cycle. A pattern that’s easily predictable.

You disappoint someone – because you will, you know. And it all comes back.

But why is this all your responsibility? Isn’t it equally shared by the person who has such unrealistic standards of perfection for you that they can even dare to stand there from a position of “I’m disappointed in you”?

Why is this not on them? Why is it all on you?Continue Reading

Yes, You Have One Too.

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A beautiful woman sits on a beach thinking about her absentee boyfriend, wondering why she loves him so much.
You won't know where it is until it's been crossed.

You have a line.

We all do.

I don't know where yours is, but somewhere along the way, you'll find it.

It hasn't been crossed yet or you would know, because something would be different. Nothing would be the same.

It wakes us up. It brings our excuses to a halt. It brings out a side of us we've never known before.

It's your boundary. Your line in the sand. The one thing you won't stand for.

You won't know you have it until it's so clearly right there in front of you.

And then, even if you don't think you have the strength or resolve to stand, you will. Even if the conscious part of you can't do it, your subconscious will.Continue Reading

I Am So Tired of Men Ghosting Me!

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Woman text messaging on her phone
His texts got less and less, then suddenly nothing.

With everything going on in our world right now, I debated whether to answer a letter like usual this week, or send you some comforting words, and I've decided to continue on here as much as normal since many of you are still having the same issues with your relationships even in the midst of a pandemic.

Next week, thanks to one of your suggestions, I'll have some tips on dating in the era of #stayhome and how to not drive yourself crazy being alone!

I hope you're all taking good care of yourselves, staying home as much as you can, and finding support here for all your beautiful hearts and souls that feel everything. I adore each and every one of you for exactly who you are, whether that be scared, anxious, worried or whatever you feel today.

I run the gamut of emotions, too.

If there's something you're going through that you're not finding addressed here, please don't hesitate to reach out or reply to this email. We will get through this the only way we ever do anything well - together.

So that said, our letter this week comes from Michelle, who's sick and tired of men ghosting her. Can you relate? I had a feeling you could.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I am so tired of men walking into my life and then leaving for no reason. I honestly am starting to think something is wrong with me.Continue Reading

That thing you said. That thing you did.

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A beautiful woman with her face in her hands because her self esteem is so low.
You just can't let it go.

You can't sleep.

It's that thing you said. It's that thing you did.

You can't let it go.

And it's not just what you said or did; it's how messed up everything became after.

You beat yourself up. Again.

You think about apologizing for the bazillionth time. Again.

If you could put a finger on it, you'd realize what you really can't let go of isn't really that thing you said or did; it's that all you want is for someone to just, for once, have some grace and compassion and understanding for you.

Yes, you.Continue Reading

Who benefits?

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A woman is standing near a railing looking over the water, thinking about letting go of her relationship.
It only keeps you trying too hard.

Who benefits from you believing you have to be perfect to be loved? Who gets rewarded when you hold the belief that you have to be something different than who you already are to "get" a guy, especially one of the good ones?

Who?

Is it you?

No, of course not.

These beliefs only keep you striving, trying too hard, discontented, lost, constantly searching for how to be better, different, and more perfect than who you already are.

We spend all our time, energy and money trying to gain that illusion of perfection that we don't even realize is only an illusion because we believe if we finally get it right, everything else will suddenly fall into place.

All those messages we've been told from the time we were old enough to read or watch TV or be marketed to in so many different ways, they've all told us the same thing.Continue Reading

Which Little Girl Were You?

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A beautiful young woman is standing near the beach in a dress.
What if you were that other girl?

I talk a lot about programming on here and there's a reason why.

The way we've been brought up and conditioned to believe the things we accept as truth about ourselves, about men, about relationships, about what's normal in general, are all because of the way we've specifically been programmed.

It isn't your fault that you're only attracting a certain kind of man.

It isn't because there's something wrong with you that you can't seem to get over what's been fed to you as truth.

Come back with me to when you were just a young girl learning about the world.

Now imagine being that impressionable little girl entering puberty, trying to figure out for yourself what it means to be a woman in a world of men.

And then imagine being told by your mother that God made women to have curves and breasts solely for the pleasure of men. Imagine the way you view the world, men, and your role as a woman, through that lens!Continue Reading

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