Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

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One Question

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A beautiful woman is sitting at a table frustrated, questioning herself.
This is what you have to ask yourself.

I have one question for you today.

Do you have people in your life who actually see you? Who embrace you, who celebrate you? The real you - not the image you put out there because that's who you've been told you are, but the actual you?

Since you're here, I'm assuming you've only known relationships with men who were never the right ones for you, who had no place in your life.

I want to change that for you.

We need to create some semblance of what it feels like to be loved and accepted and adored for you. If you've never experienced anything like this before, we're going to start fresh as if today is the first day of the new you.

The you who loves to dance, who loves to move, who hears the music all around you and believes in a different world from the one you've been through.Continue Reading

Why You Can't Wait Anymore

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Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Don't be her.

You've been waiting for someone your whole life, haven't you?

Whether it was your mom to love you, your dad to be proud of you, or your teachers to like you, your friends to include you, your boyfriends to never leave you, you've been waiting for someone to do something you wanted them to do your entire life.

To love you.

To want you.

To hold you.

To be with you.

To choose you.

To commit to you.

To never, ever leave you.

Except that never worked out the way it was supposed to.Continue Reading

Are you distracting yourself with THIS?

4 Comments

Closeup of a beautiful woman is looking sad becasue her boyfriend has disappeared on her and she wants closure.
You have to stop doing this to yourself.

If you've noticed there's a theme to my messages, my stories, and just about everything else I share with you, you're absolutely right.

It's the theme that says "There's nothing wrong with you; it's the wrong people in your life that's the problem!"

And while many of you push back on that because you've been so ingrained in taking personal responsibility for yourself and your actions to the point where you're the only one who's required to do that and everyone else gets off with an excuse, it's precisely by recognizing this theme as being true for you that you'll be able to take proper responsibility for yourself without the distraction of picking yourself apart like you've gotten so used to doing in the search for your answers!Continue Reading

Am I being a doormat?

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A beautiful woman sits on a couch away from her boyfriend, wondering if she can live with this.
Is he prioritizing his friends over you?

Today's letter comes from Sam, who's got two questions she needs help answering.

Here's what she had to say:

Hi Jane,

I just read the article about the 4 ways to get him to adore you....  just a question regarding his independence - how much is too much?

As you stated in another article, if he always spends his tired Friday nights with me, but every Saturday night with his friends, isn't that being a doormat?

So, how would I handle someone who can't give up his friends?  If he can't do this, is it worth staying?

Thank you!

- SamContinue Reading

He says he needs space. What do I do now?

8 Comments

Sad woman hugging her emotionally unavailable boyfriend and looking down.
I'm terrified he won't come back.

Our letter today comes from Cyndi, who's wondering what to do when her boyfriend said he needs space to figure things out, and she can't stop thinking about him. Sound familiar?

Here's her letter and my response:

Hi Jane,

My boyfriend asked for some space from the relationship to figure things out. Not contacting him is so so difficult and I’m terrified that he won’t come back. I know I need to take this time to focus on myself but it’s all I’m thinking about right now.

What do I do?

-  Cyndi

My Response:

Of course that's all you can think about right now, Cyndi. He's the one who asked for space, not you. You wanted things to keep progressing. You weren't expecting this. Continue Reading

If you don't fix THIS first, nothing else gets fixed either

20 Comments

Woman sitting by a lake feeling all alone in her relationship.
You can't will yourself to make this easier.

It's usually after you've tried everything else that you find your way here.

When everyone else has made you feel so much worse for not being able to figure this whole life/love/relationships thing out on your own, and you can now add shame to everything else you feel.

Did they think you didn't want to be able to figure this out on your own?

Of course you did! It's no wonder you have to build up the courage to finally try again.

Maybe this time will be different, but do this enough times and it makes perfect sense why you've resorted to humor or sarcasm or just about any other coping mechanism to hide your pain.

Don't play this game anymore.

This going back to the same people you couldn't count on before to try to get some love and grace, only to feel once more that there's something wrong with you that you can't do the scariest thing; something (anything) different.Continue Reading

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