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I found out he's married. Should I leave him?

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Couple not talking after a fight on the sofa in living room at home
He said he was single!

Tina wrote to me about a man she's in love with who also happens to be married. Whether you've ever found yourself in a similar situation or just have a response to this one, I'm sure you'll have something you want her to know.

Her Email:

Hi Jane,

I'm been in love with a married man for over a year now. I found out that he is married but he said he was single.  We have said "I love you" to each other. I'm not sure what to do.  I'm not sure if he really loves his wife or not.  Should I leave him?

TinaContinue Reading

He Cheated on Me, Now He Says I Need to Let the Past Go and Trust Him

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The word trust spelled out in letter cubes.
He says I have trust issues or insecurities.

Holly's writing in today for some advice on what she should do about a guy she can't trust. He keeps trying to tell her it's her insecurities and inability to trust him that are the problem, not anything about his own behavior.

I don't think she's alone in this scenario and I have a feeling you're going to have a lot to say to her, as I did here.

Her story:

Hi Jane,

So my boyfriend and I have dated for over 2 1/2 years in total. It’s been an interesting relationship to say the least. He is a mechanic and used to work for my dad so I knew him since I was like 15 years old. He is 8 years old than I am.Continue Reading

How Do I Recover from a Narcissist (and Make Sure I Never Fall for One Again)?

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sad woman walking on the city street at sunset

Our letter this week comes from Andrea, who's recovering from her marriage to a narcissist. She wrote to me wanting to know more about these men, and how she can keep from finding herself in a relationship with one again.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

Could you write some information on narcissists?

I realized when I was 42 years old that my father is a text book case narcissist. I grew up in a crazy household due to his narcissism and watched my parents have a toxic marriage.

They are still married. (Don’t  ask me why except that my mom has been so beaten down and destroyed emotionally by him for so many years that, at the age of 70, she stays.) She truly is a prisoner living with him.

His narcissism has gotten worse as he has aged too. I learned in my college years to handle him by distancing myself from him because he is so toxic.Continue Reading

He Lied to Me

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A beautiful woman is feeling sad and broken hearted about her relationship.
I feel so betrayed and used.

Our letter this week comes from one of our beautiful readers, Renee, who just found out last week that the man she was planning her future with, lied to her. She's heartbroken and doesn't know where to start with moving on with her life. Here's what she had to say along with my response.

Her story:

Hello Jane,

I found your blog while searching for an answer to my question in Google.

I have been dating this guy for almost 4 months. I introduced him to my friends and family. My friends and family accepted him; he is the first guy I introduced to them. We planned our future and decided to get married this summer. I know people are questioning us why it's so quick when we just met.

Last week, I found out that he was married.

When I called him and asked him if it is true, he said yes, that he got married 6 years ago but that they already separated and his wife has her own family now.

I asked him why he lied not just to me, he lied to all the people around us.

He said he is single, and he doesn't want to talk about his past anymore.Continue Reading

Dating a Married Man

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her.
He still texts me every day.

There are many things I could say about becoming involved with married men, mainly to say don't.

If you want a prescription for heartache (not to mention the moral and ethical guilt that comes along with it), that's a sure one with someone who's involved with someone else, let alone married to them.

But regardless of these moral and ethical issues, the fact remains that I hear from many women who, for various reasons, become involved with men who are married. I'm responding to one of these letters today and hopefully my response with help those of you who are asking the same thing she's asking here, too.

Her story:

Hi Jane,

I was desperately unhappy (have recently become divorced) in my marriage when I surprisingly connected on Social Media with a man I knew many, many years ago.  We were at the same school, but I really didn’t know him well then.

He lives in another county, so we hadn’t even crossed paths apart from innocently liking each other’s photos etc.Continue Reading

I Feel Like He's Pulling Away

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A beautiful woman leans her head against a tree, looking unsure.
My gut tells me there's also someone else.

The subject line was clear: Am I a seat filler? I knew exactly what she meant.  Ever had to wonder about that yourself? Well, Rose is wondering that now.

Here's what she told me:

Hi Jane,

I really need your perspective on this one.

So I met this guy about a month ago at a wedding, the first minute we met our eyes locked for a moment, the way he looked and smiled at me felt like I was the only woman in the room.

He later asked for my number which I gave it to him, it was my cousin's wedding so I was very busy making sure everything was going smoothly and as a result I never got a chance to talk to the guy up until the wedding was over.Continue Reading

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