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Is Online Dating Helping or Hurting You?

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Beautiful woman sitting down checking her text messages using mobile phone.
Let me show you how to choose better.

Today I had a coaching session with a client going over profiles on a dating app.

I pointed out the things that I saw as obvious red flags or signs of incompatibility the way I usually do, but today something else occurred to me that may benefit you to understand, too.

Online dating is a great way to increase the number of perspective dating prospects in your life by the sheer number of how many more people are accessible to you than the usual meeting in real life, especially lately when real life has been so limited.

But there’s an important caveat to this.

You’re not meeting through mutual interests, you’re not meeting where you have a chance to see someone in their everyday life, or at least somewhere other than just as a profile on a screen.

My point is, you’ve only got a small snapshot to go on, so in that short time, it’s important to know how to use online dating apps to your advantage, not to your disadvantage.Continue Reading

What No One Ever Told You About Attraction and Compatibility

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Silhouette of a woman and a man about to kiss, symbolizing love.
Yes, attraction is very important, but...

I work with a lot of divorced women who are doing this the second time around. And there's a pattern I've noticed.

The guy they chose their first time around isn't the one they're choosing this time. What they learned about their first choice is influencing their second choice.

Whether this is your own first search or you're like them, doing this the second time around, I've got something invaluable to tell you to help you in your own search.

If you're a deep and sensitive person and choose the macho guys-guy kind of men, unless you've changed who you are, your next guy needs to be a deep and sensitive guy, too. These women have found that just because their original guy lit them up because he was so different from them and they were like, "Hey, what's it like to be you?!" doesn't mean they're actually compatible with this type of guy.Continue Reading

It's a Red Flag Every. Single. Time.

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Woman and man sitting on a curb breaking up, man with his head in his hands
Because you need to know.

When he says "Let's see where it goes", the reality is it's a red flag every single time. Even though YOU think it’s reasonable because, well, "I don't even know!"

Here's the truth.

It’s not reasonable. It’s not.

It’s not an opening to what could be the most amazing relationship of your life – the one with Mr. Right.

And yes, that’s even if you don’t even know if this is the guy you want or the relationship you want until YOU “see where it goes.”

Here’s why.

You know why you’re here. You know what you’re looking for.

You're looking for a relationship – a real one – even if you’re not either going to be committing to someone who isn’t ultimately compatible with you.Continue Reading

Is He Really a Bad Texter or Am I Just There to Fill in His Lonely Time?

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her.
Why doesn't he want to text me?

Our letter this week comes from one of my readers who's not sure what to make of her new "boyfriend", or if he's even her boyfriend. Sound familiar? Read on to hear more of her story and my response ...

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

So I’ve met this guy via an online app around 1.5 months ago and we’ve been seeing each other ever since then (once or twice a week during the weekends).

We haven’t had the "define the relationship" talk yet but there was one time he called himself “boyfriend” (first few dates) but I only realized it a few days after as I wasn’t really concentrating at that moment.

One time, he also told me how lucky he is to have me as his girlfriend but I did not question him because it was already a late night and I was exhausted so I decided to let it go.

I have been thinking of bringing this relationship talk up but I’m worried he might feel pressured about it so I am just giving us a little bit more time. I am also questioning as to why he would just assume I became his girlfriend before asking me or having the talk.Continue Reading

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