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He Was Super Into Me, Now He Says He Doesn't Want a Relationship

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A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.
And now I think he's with another woman!

Have you ever had a guy tell you how amazing you are, only to leave you brokenhearted? You're not alone. Beautiful Shaye shares her experience with a certain type of guy I think most of us have run into at least once.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I’m 21, and consider myself very different. I graduated in 2.5 years with a chemistry degree, I’m headed to med school, I don’t drink.

Well I met a guy at the end of March on Bumble, who acted completely in awe of me every. single. day. He told me he had been in a bad wreck and it completely changed his mentality, and was glad I didn’t know who he was before the accident.

I was hoping he was different than other college guys.

I was a bit uncomfortable with his new frat, and sometimes the drinking. He said I completed him and I was all he ever wanted. Seems pretty soon to say that, but okay.Continue Reading

Mr. Potential

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Happy young man and woman in a car enjoying a road trip on a summer day. Couple out on a drive in a open car.
He gives you everything you want ... except for a commitment.

So, Beautiful, we need to talk about this guy who shows you so much potential but so little else. It's the conversation we never want to have, but we have to.

Too much is at stake. There's too much to lose.

For you.

I don't care about him right now. I care about you.

I spend most of my time on the phone, over Zoom, and on my laptop talking about him. Yesterday, I spent a couple hours answering an email coaching letter saying everything I ever wanted to say to someone on this topic and it made me realize this conversation is long overdue.

I've tried so hard to be gentle with you, bringing you up to your own level of awareness so you can see this for yourself. But the letter I read today broke me.Continue Reading

Should I Take Him Back?

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A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her.
Is there a chance he means it this time?

Beautiful Tania is wondering if she should take back her boyfriend of almost 9 years, or if he's just going to keep on doing the same things that have left her heartbroken in the past.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane

For the past 8 to 9 years I have been in a toxic relationship, yet I stay, as I can see the good in him.

Most women would've left and I myself would've left if I was a younger version of myself. I am unsure of what keeps me in it, it could be that after me leaving all of my previous relationships that I have now developed a belief that I need to try harder, combined with a fantasy of this guy while he was with his previous partner.

I saw him be so attentive to her and wanted that kind of relationship for myself.

He has 3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy, to his previous relationship and I have 2 girls to my previous relationship. It all started good, as relationships usually do, and then he decided to over rule me and my decisions about whether my eldest was allowed to sit in the front seat of the car or not.Continue Reading

Is He Just "Not Ready"?

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A beautiful woman is holding her head in her hands wondering if her boyfriend who has commitment issues is just playing games or if he wants a committed relationship.
Maybe I just need to move on.

Our letter this week comes from, Vicki, who's wondering if the man she feels a special connection with in their on-again, off-again relationship, will ever be ready for a real, committed relationship.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I love your programs and I am really relating to some of the stuff you say. I particularly relate to Sue's letter.

I have had an on/off relationship with a guy for just over 15 months.

I am 51 and have sorted my life out, he is 53 and hasn't.

He has not sorted out all the baggage from his marriage - i.e. not divorced, just now selling the home because he is having financial trouble.

The trouble comes from being depressed or bi-polar or chronic fatigue that led to a truck load of self-esteem issues and to top it off he has 2 young girls (4 and 10) as well as 2 older boys.

So his life is hard.Continue Reading

My Boyfriend Keeps Breaking Up With Me and Coming Back

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A couple enjoying embrace of each other and tenderly smiling
Why does he keep breaking up, then 3 days later he says he made a mistake?

This week's letter comes from Sue, who's wondering if it's normal for her boyfriend of 2 1/2 years to keep breaking up with her, then saying he made a mistake and wanting to get back together.

She's unfortunately not alone here, as many of the women I work with have similar stories to her - one of the most common questions I get is "Why does my boyfriend keep breaking up with me and coming back?"

His ambivalence is part of a larger problem, and I go into detail about that in my response here. I hope it helps both you, Sue, as well as others of you going through this right now.

Here's her email:

Hi Jane,

The same situation as you described about breaking up after 3-4 months in a perfect relationship happened to me. Then in 3 days he called and said he made a mistake. We have broken up probably six times and gotten back together in a 2 1/2 year relationship.

We can't stay away from each other.Continue Reading

Vindicated

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Beautiful brunette woman thinking, tired, wondering if she's the one with commitment issues.
The woman in us who's been hurt a bazillion times feels vindicated.

See? You say. See?

That's why I can't find any good ones.

The woman in us who's been hurt a bazillion times feels vindicated.

See! It's just the way it is now.

But is it?

Look closer. No, not where you've always been looking, but somewhere different. Somewhere new.

Maybe that dominates, that being the current popular opinion that the new dating reality makes the act of swiping or putting a few syllables into a phone the most effort men have to make these days, but is that really the whole story?

Or is there more?

No, this isn't just the way it is for you! This is someone else's story. Stop making it your own. It's not!Continue Reading

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