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Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

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A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.
That was supposed to be me!

There's nothing quite like seeing the guy who just broke your heart out with someone else.

It doesn't seem to matter how much time has passed; if you haven't moved on and he has, there's nothing that stalls your progress as quickly as that sight. Seeing him with someone else, in that place where you were supposed to be. It makes you experience that heartbreak all over again.

"It was supposed to be me", you think to yourself.

How does it happen? You want to know. Why her – and not me?

I, too, spent far too many hours of my life trying to find the answers to both of those questions. Because, after all, if we know the answer to that, then we feel like we finally have some control over our lives.

After all, we've all heard the all-too familiar story of the rare guy who's been in his fair share of long-term relationships, but never found a reason to commit – until suddenly, we get the news through a friend that he's found the "right" woman for him and his previous aversion to commitment has suddenly gone away.

You wanted this with him. Why couldn't this be happening to you?

Why weren't you enough for him?Continue Reading

Why He Treats You the Way He Does

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A woman is upset after her boyfriend told her he wants to slow things down.
It was all so exciting! But then everything changed.

We're always hoping for the classic story of 'boy meets girl, boy chases girl, girl lets him catch her, and they live happily ever after.'

But real life never seems to follow that story line.

Sure, it starts out that way.

He’s chasing us, we’re being chased, just like boys chase girls in elementary school, and it’s fun! It’s exciting. We feel desired and wanted and worthy and that makes us feel like we've got it going on.

We’re being chosen. Someone’s picked us.

Then all of a sudden, something changes.

He’s got us and he can clearly see we’re hooked. But instead of the ending that was supposed to be, it’s turned into something else.

Suddenly, everything changes.The conquest is over. He’s chosen us and we've accepted and now we've followed what we've been led to believe is what dating and commitment is all about.

We’re ready for that next step. But he isn't.Continue Reading

He Just Wants To Be Friends

284 Comments

A beautiful woman is sipping coffee while talking with a man over lunch, wondering why she's not getting what she wants in a relationship.
I'm happier being his friend than not having him in my life at all.

Beautiful Sandie is stuck in the friend zone, and isn't sure what to do. Sound familiar?

Here's her story:

Hi Jane, I have a question. If you decide to post this, please change my name.

About 6 months ago, I met a guy. He had been out of an 8 year relationship/engagement for about a year and was looking to move on in life.

I had been in and out of bad short term relationships. We had a rough start because I could not trust anyone and he was not over his ex.

We dated for about 3 months and it ended because we were both not truly ready for a real true relationship. We had no contact for about 2.5 months. I contacted him because I missed him and he says he misses me too.

However, he said he is not ready for a relationship.Continue Reading

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

161 Comments

A beautiful woman is being hugged
Here's how you know.

Of all the questions I'm asked, the one subject that gets more attention than anything else is whether or not a man will ever come around and commit.

Will he ever want a committed relationship?

There is just so much fear around this subject.

We're afraid that as soon as we leave, as soon as we decide to let go and move on, he will come around and want that committed relationship, and we will miss the kind of relationship with him we'd been waiting and holding on for so long for.

I remember having this exact feeling; I was just so sure that if I gave up waiting, if I let go of holding on and hanging around waiting for him to finally see the light, it would be at that exact time that he would be ready and I would miss out on everything I'd been waiting for!

First of all, let's set the record straight. If he were to come around and suddenly be ready to commit to you (and that's a huge if) and you had just left him, he would chase you. There's no way a man in love and ready to have a committed relationship with you is going to let you just walk away if he's made that decision, or is very close to making that decision.

Continue Reading

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Won't Commit

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You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment . A beautiful woman is upset that her boyfriend won't give her the commitment she wants.You know exactly who you are.

You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment that would make everything perfect.

And now you know all that's left to do is accept that he just isn't there, isn't on the same page you are, and let him go. Except for one thing. You simply can't imagine just letting him go and moving on with your life.

You'd love to be able to just say "next", but that's just not you.

Because you're you. And because you're you – that beautiful, soft, loving, forgiving, understanding, compassionate, helpful, giving, caring, hopeful you – is exactly why you're about to do the very worst thing you could do.

You blame yourself.

You start thinking you were too pushy, too naggy, too demanding, too impatient, too sensitive, too insecure, too anxious, too needy.

You beat yourself up, you berate yourself, telling yourself if you had only done things differently, you would be together.

You keep going back and second guessing yourself, admonishing yourself that if only you had done this, or if only you hadn't done that. If only you hadn't said that. If only you hadn't gone there. If only, if only, if only.

Until finally, you convince yourself that this is really all your fault, that you simply aren't enough for him, that there is something wrong with you. I know that's what you're thinking because that's what I always thought too. Well, I have one thing to say to you:Continue Reading

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

222 Comments

If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.It all seemed so incredible. He seemed so amazing. He made you feel beautiful when you were together – and even when you thought you weren't.

Your relationship had all the makings of the real thing. All the fireworks, all the excitement, all the magic.

Until suddenly, you’re noticing some subtle changes. He’s not calling as often. His emails and texts are fewer and shorter. He’s busy a lot more often. He’s a lot less romantic than he used to be. If you've been intimate, he becomes less intimate.

His plans may or may not include you – unlike before when they always included you. He’s showing up late and doesn't call to let you know he’s going to be late.

You bring it up.

You tell him that you've been noticing some differences and you want an explanation. He says he’s just been busy with work or tired lately and that nothing’s changed with him. So you let it go. But you miss the way it was, and you don't understand why he's suddenly getting emotionally distant.Continue Reading

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