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Finding Love

The posts in the Finding Love category relate to bringing love into your life, whether you are currently single, dating, or in a relationship. This category includes topics such as finding yourself, knowing what you want, living your life, etc.

The Most Special Gift of All

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We can't control who loves us, and all too often, we find ourselves with a deep longing to be loved by someone who isn't capable of giving us the love we are looking for from them. A beautiful woman opens a magical gift box.I could go on and on. And sometimes I do. Because this one is just that important. It's not about the gifts we give everyone else. It's not about the time we spend looking for that perfect gift for someone else. It's not about anything tangible. It's about you and what you deserve more than anything else in the world. Not just during this holiday season. But every day of the year.

To be loved.

We can't control who loves us, and all too often, we find ourselves with a deep longing to be loved by someone who isn't capable of giving us the love we are looking for from them. But at some point along this journey, we discover that it isn't just about a love that comes from outside of ourselves. It's about a love that comes from within. A love within ourselves that encompasses every dark place within us that doesn't yet understand that there is nothing within us that doesn't deserve to be loved.

We forget that it is in the embrace of our true selves that we find that love we are searching for. It is when we can finally stop beating ourselves up and stop focusing on what is wrong with us that we can finally move on to everything that is right with us. It's such a simple thing, but for so many of us who have had to work so hard to convince someone of our worth, it is anything but simple.

It's about a shift in consciousness.

It begins with an openness to seeing things differently, to being open to hearing something different. Then, it progresses to a gradual change within our level of consciousness to where we finally see that this isn't about getting someone to fall in love with us, to love us the way we've been longing to be loved our whole lives. Instead, it's about understanding that we don't have to do anything to be loved; it's about embracing all that we are and looking deep inside to see if anything needs to change within ourselves so that we can shine through as the person we really are.

So we accept our strengths and our weaknesses; we decide what we want more of and what we could use less of, and we take steps to make those positive changes to bring out the best in ourselves. And then, with practice, with focusing on ourselves like this, we learn more about what we are capable of, what we want to do, what we enjoy and what makes us feel truly alive. We learn more about what we don't want, what we don't need.

We learn about what we are no longer willing to settle for.

And somewhere along the way, we realize this has so much more to do with us and our way of thinking than it has to do with any him. And that's when we suddenly find ourselves liking who we see in the mirror. She's not perfect, but we're able to see past all those things we used to loathe and actually begin to like what we see and see the potential in ourselves for once, and not in another him. And as this becomes a new way of seeing ourselves, with gentleness and acceptance where once there was only loathing and judgment, we begin to attract and start attracting something different. We can see past the man who says and does all the right things, but has no substance to his charm. And we can finally accept someone who actually treats us like gold.

That's the kind of love that is waiting for you, my beautiful friend; when you discover where it all begins, at that place of you and your heart with a love for yourself and all that you are like you never knew before.

How To Know You're Getting Closer To A Real Relationship

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You start to learn that it really does matter that you know yourself well enough to know who it is you're really looking for. Your list changes to reflect the you you're discovering and learning to embrace in love.  A man and woman are holding hands near the ocean.Don't doubt yourself on this journey. It doesn't matter where you've come from or what you've been through. It doesn't matter how many times you feel you've repeated the same mistakes or how many times you've attracted the same type of guy. None of that matters.

What matters is how each experience brings you closer to what you're really looking for. With every heartbreak, with every disappointment, you learn and you grow. You get to know yourself better and you get a clearer sense of what you're willing to put up with and what you're going to be picky about.

You learn to be more flexible in some areas and less in others. You learn what feels good and what feels awful. You stretch, you constrict, you ebb and you flow. You see things more clearly; the fog lifts just that much more.

You start to learn that it really does matter that you know yourself well enough to know who it is you're really looking for. Your list changes to reflect the you you're discovering and learning to embrace in love. You revise it to reflect what is most compatible with the real you and not some version of yourself that you thought was really you. You begin to understand why being emotionally available and having the ability to commit to a real relationship are the number one and two must-haves on your list.  You begin to see why how he treats you matters more than any item on your list.

You stop making excuses for anyone. You start rightly expecting him to pull his own weight and refuse to keep anyone around who brings you down. You stop expecting someone to complete you and make your life over and instead, you realize what you most want is someone who is a real person who you can have an honest, open, loving relationship with. You start living in reality instead of the fantasy that felt so familiar because you thought you needed to be rescued. You finally see that you don't need anyone to come and rescue you; you hold the key to your own happiness.

You stop beating around the bush and you start coming right out and saying what it is you're looking for. First to yourself, and then to him. You begin to really get that it's only by communicating honestly with any potential new guy that you can both find out quicker if you're on the same page or wasting your time. You stop pleasing. You stop placating. You stop being whatever someone else wants you to be. You stop living up to someone else's unrealistic expectations of you and start listening to that soft inner voice that knows you better than anyone else.

And this time, you actually believe it.

It's A Journey

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The reality is it's not about an overnight solution, some magic formula that makes it happen instantly. t's about a journey. A path winds through a park filled with autumn foliage.It's been a little over a year since I created this website and began blogging here. Some of you have been on here since the beginning; some of you have just recently found me.

Many of you are wondering why it hasn't happened for you yet, and how long it will take.

The reality is it's not about an overnight solution, some magic formula that makes it happen instantly.

It's about a journey.

A real life journey deep into the inner parts of ourselves that we may not have even known existed. It's peeling away the layers of ourselves, our lives, our experiences, our programming, until we discover that we are not any of those, individually, but all of them.

We are our true selves; our beautiful, radiant, confident full selves with so much love to give, so much to offer, and no reason whatsoever to sell ourselves short and settle for anything less than a full rich relationship with so much to offer in return.

It's about support, about love, about not settling for anything less than you deserve. And knowing what you do deserve in the first place.

That's what this is about.

Not an overnight magical solution. A journey filled with support, and love, and care for you for your heart and soul. Someone here for you along the way to remind you of all that you have, all that you are, and all that you have to offer.

Someone here to remind you of what it takes and why it's worth it. And someone who understands like so few do who haven't been there for themselves firsthand. Someone you can pour out your soul to without being afraid of what they will think of you. Someone who loves you just for who you are.

Until we can celebrate together when you too look back on this journey and see what it all has meant. To see the beauty in you and the life you've created for yourself.

Celebrate you.

To celebrate you and what you have attracted because you've made the choice along the way to celebrate your whole you, complete with those flaws and shortcomings you're learning to embrace and love because they are a part of you. And finding out they aren't flaws and shortcomings after all.

Because this isn't about what’s wrong with you; it's about learning who you really are, figuring out what you're all about it and finding and embracing the real you. Because it's when we find our true selves and embrace and love that person of you that we open up the universe to attract the same back to us, to reflect back to us that love in the form of a special someone who's been looking for someone just like us on his own journey.

It's not about fitting a mold of what we think someone is looking for. It's about finding ourselves and then attracting that special person who's looking for someone exactly like us, just like our true self has been looking for someone exactly like him. Even if it takes a lot longer than you thought it would.

When you look back from the other side, you'll realize that the journey was necessary, all of it, with all of the twists and turns.

And then it will all make sense.

Are You Happy?

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Are you happy? If your answer is anything but a resounding yes, you need to reconsider your relationship. A beautiful woman is smiling while looking at her computer.If your relationship is a real relationship, then the answer will be yes.

If you’re single, then there’s good news – you only have yourself to consider when answering this question. It’s not really about whether or not you’re happy being single, but are you happy in general? Of course we all want love in our lives, and someone to share the special moments with, but outside of that, are you happy with your life? If you took the relationship question out of the equation, ask yourself – are you happy?

If you're currently in a relationship, you have to ask yourself if the relationship you’re currently in increases your happiness, decreases your happiness, or is it just neutral? If the answer is either of the last two, then you really need to look at why this is the case, and seriously consider if you want to continue.

After many bad relationships, I finally got to the point that I said to myself (and a few of my close friends) that I just wanted to be in a relationship that didn't make me less happy than I was while single. While this may sound like a sad state of affairs, it was actually the turning point for me that was one of the many factors that finally led me to find my own true love.

Why?

Because it meant that I had already learned to be happy on my own. I finally realized what I needed to be happy wasn’t outside of myself, it was inside. It was in the pursuing of my own interests, discovering my true self, and following my own passions… finding my purpose.

Not a guy. Not something or some event outside of myself. Not my surroundings. It was inside of me, and I finally knew it. After spending so many years trying to find a relationship that would make me happy, I finally knew the truth – that a relationship can never make you happy.

But it can amplify your happiness. To have someone to share your happiness and love with. To give love, and support, and encouragement to one another.

But In order to do that, we have to be filled up ourselves. It’s like a cup – your cup needs to be filled before you can give to another from your cup without feeling like it is being drained. You also don’t want to be the person in the relationship that’s only drawing from (and draining) your partners cup.

In a real relationship there will be times where one of you is drawing off of the others cup, and vice-versa, and that's what makes it a real relationship - that give and take. As long as it's in balance, you'll feel happy, because you'll have someone you can lean on when you need to, and someone you can support when he needs it, and that makes you feel happy. But in order to do this each of you needs to be happy, and your cups full, to begin with.

You deserve to be happy.

We all do.

The Missing Piece

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This very important piece is like the last piece needed to complete the puzzle. A woman is holding the last piece of the puzzle.No matter how many times you've read or been told it's ultimately about loving yourself, about being confident, about remembering all that you are and all that you have to offer, there is still that part of you that just doesn't know what to do with that.

You read it, you get it, but how to get there from where you're at now is the part that's just not happening. You start by resolving to love yourself, to take better care of yourself, to start treating yourself like the beautiful woman you're being told you truly are, but nothing changes.

You don’t feel any different.

You're not attracting anything different. And you're beginning to wonder if there really is something wrong with you that you can't even master these simple steps. Why does everyone else seem to be able to do this, when you can't?

It all begins with a shift.

Of course you can't start loving loving yourself if you don't find anything loveable about yourself in the first place. Of course you can't start being confident when you're doubting your ability or worthiness to be loved by anyone who's worthy. Of course you can't remember all that you are and all that you have to offer if you don't believe you are all that in the first place.

But what you can do, what you can do right now, is shift your mindset. Stop looking at yourself the way you've always looked at yourself.

It's time to change our self-talk.

Instead of the negative self-talk, instead of looking at what's wrong with you, what about changing that and looking at all that's right with you? What about looking at all your positive qualities first, instead of all the negative press you usually give yourself? When you've lived thinking so little of yourself for so long, it's so easy to forget what's so great about you.

We're taught from such a young age that to think of ourselves this way - as great, as wonderful, as beautiful, as all that – is boastful, and selfish, and bad, and instead we're rewarded by putting ourselves last, everyone else first, by focusing on what we need to improve about ourselves. And what we really hear through all this is that there is inherently something wrong with us.

The truth is, there's nothing wrong with us. It's not about that at all. Instead, it's about rising above everything we've been led to believe about ourselves as being true, and starting a new belief system about ourselves. It's time to tear up those lists that say we need to be something different, when who we are is enough.

More than enough.

It's time to go beyond our list of self-improvements we've been told we need to make and realize we are OK just as we are. There are always things we can do to improve ourselves. There are always things we can do better or differently.

But the difference here is that when we look at ourselves in the light of how can we be our best selves, instead of the mindset of how can we fix what is wrong with us, there is a huge shift that takes place. One view only sees the negative that needs changing; the other sees a beautiful point from which to love ourselves and get to an even higher place of self-love and care.

One is about what we need to do to be accepted and loved outside of ourselves. The other is about how we can love ourselves and care for ourselves in such a way that we become everything our endless potential can see us being.

Do you see the difference? That missing piece, begins and ends with you. You cannot expect anyone else to do this for you. Remember that feeling you get when you're in love, when someone loves you back for you, that you finally have that feeling that you can do anything? That's what I'm talking about here.

You don't need to be loved by anyone outside of yourself to have that same feeling. That is the feeling that loving yourself and having that kind of self-respect and self-confidence brings into your life. You are not an impostor if you have it within yourself. You have simply discovered the secret that most people don't even realize has been right there within themselves all along.

You.

The real beautiful, confident, radiant, you!

You Don't Need to Be Chosen

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You don't need to be chosen. You don't need to be picked by a guy to have worth. A man is picking a flower out of  field.I see you everywhere I go. All around me, you're everywhere. So much insecurity. So many of you deferring to these guys. Hanging on to them so tightly, literally. Like you need them.

You believe you do. It’s the flawed belief system that’s in so many of you. You're not flawed; it's just the system you bought into, that you've been programmed with.

It's your beliefs that fuel the insecurities, making you believe you need a guy to choose you in order for you to be all right. I know, because I've been there.

I see you. You’re dressed to attract (the wrong guys). You’re talking to attract (the wrong guys). But if they’ll just hold your hand one more time you’ll take it, because you need that to know you have worth.

You just don’t realize you already have worth, without them; that you have a birthright to claim, just because you’re you. Just the way you are.

But you won’t believe it, because no one makes you feel OK, no one has ever made you feel OK; in fact just the opposite.

But the point is that you don't need anyone else to make you feel OK. You can just feel OK, make yourself feel OK by just being yourself. Just reveling in you. Because you is where it’s at. You’re special just because you’re you. Not anyone else.

But you won’t believe it; no one does. And you can’t get that empty “who do I think I am?” feeling out of your head.

Because we all shortchange ourselves. Believe we’re nothing. Believing we're nothing without being chosen, without a worthy guy to make us worthy. Without a guy who measures up in our culture with what our culture says he needs to be. What we need to be.

So there you are, all dolled up, all sexy, showing your worth, showing what you've got. Because if you’re not putting it out there, someone else will and she’ll be picked. She’ll be the chosen one. Because that's what we think it’s all about.

Pick me, pick me, please pick me.

I hear you because I used to be saying it too. And now I'm trying to drown out all those other voices with mine, saying, beautiful one, beautiful you, come home to yourself, and the beauty that is in you; the beauty that is you.

Being chosen is a lie. You've got it all inside. You don’t need anyone outside of yourself to make you feel alive. You were picked on the day you were conceived.

The universe became a better place on the day you entered the world.

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About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
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