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What Your Anxiety Should Be Telling You

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A beautiful woman is holding her head in her hands wondering if her boyfriend who has commitment issues is just playing games or if he wants a committed relationship.
Stop blaming yourself.

In reading your emails, there's something that always stands out for me. It's when you talk about being anxious, feeling uneasy, being sensitive and picking up on things that you don't know what to do with.

See, when you say things like that, I see something else.

I see that you know exactly what to do, even if you don't believe you do and that's why you're writing to me.

I see you knowing this guy far better than you think you do.

I see you blaming yourself for what happened in the past because it's so easy to fall into the pattern of self-blame when we've come to look at our intuitive senses as being something that's "wrong with us" instead of a gift that lets us know what's really going on when we're so wrapped in the fantasy of what someone could be if only he wanted to be that.

There's always a reason the things you see are red flags.

How could you not take them to heart? How could you have interpreted them in any other way than you did? He's rarely a bad guy, just clearly someone who's not on the same page as you.Continue Reading

Why Am I Not Good Enough?

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A beautiful woman looking down sadly, trying to let go and move on.
I lived this way for almost three years.

My heart ached for the woman who sent me the email with this as her subject line.

The tragedy is when we take someone's rejection of us personally as a reflection of our very worth. Feeling like you're not good enough when really it's because you're with someone who triggers in you these feelings of not being good enough for him. But who could ever be when you're with someone who elicits this type of response in you? It has nothing to do with your worth or your being good enough. It has everything to do with him and his own choices and nothing, nothing to do with you.

What always comes through in letters like this is this beautiful heart of yours.

So giving, so understanding, so caring, so compassionate. You're so unlike anyone he's ever met. You allow him to be exactly who he is, to treat you however he does, to give you only what he can in the moment - even if it's nothing, and he's never come across anyone like this before. You give and you give and you give some more. Waiting to be acknowledged. Waiting for him to notice. Waiting for him to come a little closer to your side. Waiting for him to appreciate you. Waiting for him to give you what you know is in him, albeit buried deep down inside him.

You're prepared to love him through whatever he's going through. You hold the vision of what he could be so strongly in your mind, that it covers who he actually is and what he's showing you by his actions, by the way he treats you, by the way he actually is, not the way he used to be. In spite of everything he shows you about him right now, you have such a beautiful hope for what can be, such a beautiful heart for how you love him, and so you stay with him, you'll try everything and anything to help him.Continue Reading

Should I go back even though I left?

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A beautiful woman is frustrated with her head in her hands.
I don't know what to do.

Our letter this week comes from Alex, who's second guessing herself about officially ending things with a guy she never really had anyway. Sound familiar?

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I met this guy on Tinder March 2020. We instantly hit it off.

It was going great and I know he liked me too but as time passed he would leave me on read all the time. I couldn't even hold a conversation with him but he would  always message me back within a week. We didn't end up actually hanging out until September 2020. That was the first time.

I really liked him but still he would leave me on read and he would never ask me to hang out. As time passed we drifted apart because he would still leave me on read so often I figured he was un-interested even though I still really liked him.

So in January we started talking more again and became really close and I expressed how I hated being left on read and he said he was going through some things at the time and he apologized.Continue Reading

"You're too nice for me"

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Rear view pensive thoughtful woman sitting on sofa alone, lost in thoughts, upset female having psychological problem, heartbreak, thinking about being alone
I couldn't believe he was telling me this.

"You're just too nice for me, I was always afraid you were too nice for me. I like you so much, but I didn't feel it strong enough, something was missing."

My blood was boiling before I had even finished reading her full comment on my website.

No, don't turn it back on her. Don't make it about her being too nice. That's a bunch of BS!

You, (insert the name here of whoever's said the same thing to you) - this isn't about her, it's about you!

You're the coward. You're the one who won't do your own work.

You're the one who refuses to wake up from your own convenient programming that insists it's all about finding the "perfect" woman and that's the piece that's missing and then you'll magically have this complete perfect relationship that will make everything so easy for you!

No, don't hide behind that BS! That's NOT the way relationships work.

You don't get to be with someone for 6 months who's "too nice", afraid she's too nice the whole time, while you're playing the field, sleeping with someone else - "but it doesn't mean anything" - and then dropping the bomb that you "don't feel it strong enough."Continue Reading

He held me against my will with a shotgun

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Rear view of a woman holding the curtains open to look out of a large light window at home.
Why can't I move on?

I know. I had to read that again, too.

Beautiful Jerimie wrote to me about the guy she's having trouble letting go of and moving on from when she still believes he's the love of her life.

Read on for her story!

Good morning Jane,

This may be a bit long, even maybe a chapter book or short story 🙂 I'll try to keep it to the minimum...

I met Brett November 14, 2014. He has the most brilliant sky blue eyes you'd ever seen. However, what made me fall in love (first time ever) was his stupid half smile with his sideways glance. Omg! That did it for me.

We were just going to hook up for one night.

I had recently been fired from my job (also first time ever) and I just needed a little stress relieving sex. He stayed the night and I went to my "new" job after I left him a cup of coffee on the nightstand and told him to take his time and we'd text later.

I got home after work and to my surprise he pulled up behind me in my driveway. Jumped out and came and opened my door and leaned in for a welcome home kiss. I was shocked! I frantically started thinking..."Ok Jer, relax don't get your hopes up. Be cool! Just be cool!"Continue Reading

My calls are all filling up with THIS!

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A heartbroken woman with her head in her hands, wondering how do I let go?
I see this all the time on my calls.

What's keeping you up at night? What are you most afraid of?

This is what's showing up on my calls - the fears behind the fears, the things that keep you up at night.

You find me for so many different reasons but it's usually your heartbreak over yet another guy that finally cracks everything open so you can see what's been wrong for a long, long time.

That's what I'm hearing from you right now.

Everything that's wrong in the world - in your world - and in the future as far as you can see ahead.

How will anything change? How can anything be different when it's been this way for already too long?

How do I find hope? How do I stop feeling so lonely?

How do I make my life over? Is it just too late for me?Continue Reading

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