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My fear of rejection is crippling me!

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A beautiful woman sits on a park bench wondering why she loves him.
I'm just plain scared.

Does the fear of rejection keep you from seeing what might be out there for you?

You're not alone.

Listen in as we hear from Ashley who shares her story and hear what I have to say to her that I'd tell you too!

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

My name is Ashley and I'm so happy I stumbled on your website. Thank you for doing what you do.

I'm learning my way through life and romantic relationships, and I think I could really use your advice. Particularly when it comes to fear of rejection.

I'm 27 years old and am navigating the dating world for the first time. I have had two serious boyfriends in my life, but both just happened naturally while I wasn't looking for a mate. Both times, I fell hard and fast for men who were ultimately very controlling and possessive.Continue Reading

Feeling resentful? Here's why that's so NORMAL!

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Woman sitting by a lake feeling all alone in her relationship.
Could I really be right back here again?

I was on a call last week with a beautiful woman I'm coaching all the way from Africa. Our community has reached all around the world!

She was struggling with her deep - and completely justified - feelings of resentment after finding herself in yet another relationship where she's put in all the effort to keep a relationship going only to have it end in disappointment.

"When am I ever going to get this right, Jane?!" she asked me.

I empathize with her after voicing these same words more times than I ever thought possible.

"Could I really be right back here again?" For every one of you who've ever uttered these words, we all commiserate with you!

Who among us hasn't responded from our default hard-wired programming that tells us when someone pulls away, you try harder, you do more, you give more of yourself? Who of us haven't found ourselves doing what we would be so much better to do when it feels so counter-intuitive to our rising panic - to stop and let him come to you?Continue Reading

I keep getting dumped - every year

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Silhouette of sad woman looking at sunset over water, shame concept
They always say the same thing...

Our letter this week is from Hope, who wrote to me about her pattern of getting dumped every year. She gets the same reasons every time and is beginning to wonder if she's just unlovable even though she's still so young. She doesn't feel that way.

Did you ever feel that way? This is so familiar to me, it was like looking in a mirror as I read her words. I hope you find my response to be helpful to you as well. Here's what she had to say.

Her Story:

I am 24. I know this is young, but almost every year since I was 17 I have been dumped for exactly the same reasons "the spark is gone", "just don't love you anymore", "just not feeling it anymore".

It's becoming embarrassing to tell my friends that I have been dumped yet again especially when so many of them have been in long term relationships.

I always ask them why and they always say the same thing "you haven't done anything", "you're amazing", "it's me, not you", "I promise you have done nothing".Continue Reading

Is Online Dating Helping or Hurting You?

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Beautiful woman sitting down checking her text messages using mobile phone.
Let me show you how to choose better.

Today I had a coaching session with a client going over profiles on a dating app.

I pointed out the things that I saw as obvious red flags or signs of incompatibility the way I usually do, but today something else occurred to me that may benefit you to understand, too.

Online dating is a great way to increase the number of perspective dating prospects in your life by the sheer number of how many more people are accessible to you than the usual meeting in real life, especially lately when real life has been so limited.

But there’s an important caveat to this.

You’re not meeting through mutual interests, you’re not meeting where you have a chance to see someone in their everyday life, or at least somewhere other than just as a profile on a screen.

My point is, you’ve only got a small snapshot to go on, so in that short time, it’s important to know how to use online dating apps to your advantage, not to your disadvantage.Continue Reading

I KNEW all along

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Beautiful woman smiling at text on phone from her new boyfriend.
He was so excited about me, but then...

Ever look back and realize you were right - that you just KNEW how things were going to go with a new guy you were hoping you'd be wrong about? That's what Sarah wrote to me - I just KNEW, she said. Read on to hear what she told me.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I love your work. After reading it and trying to do my own work for many years, I've been trying to work on expanding my "ideal" version of a man.

With that in mind, I started talking to this guy online who was outside of the "ideal" but seemed very excited about me. From the get-go, though, I had some concerns - he lives 1-2 hours away, he's somewhat recently divorced, and he's had some family issues.

I was very mindful that these all might become issues.

In fact, after learning more about him over video and phone calls, I thought to myself: There's no way this guy can be ready for what I'm looking for, given everything that's going on! (even though that's not what he was telling me and my concerns hadn't actually yet played out to be true).Continue Reading

It breaks my heart

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A beautiful woman is feeling lonely and sad, feeling as though nothing will ever change.
You're beautiful, you know.

You break my heart, girl. Over and over again.

I see you. You're beautiful, you know. But I know you don't.

You say your thighs are too big, your body not sexy enough, your hair not full or thick enough or too thick or too curly or whatever you see that's not enough or too much.

You only see that you're too old or not pretty enough or you've got that medical/physical condition or that other thing someone labeled you with and then you labeled yourself with it and made it your life sentence.

Too fat, too ugly, too all wrong in all the wrong ways - I hear the awful words you use with yourself and they all add up to one thing - too unlovable. And then you've gone out of your way making sure you prove to yourself exactly that - unlovable.

You pick the meanest guy in sheep's clothing.

No, he's just misunderstood you say and oh that sad childhood he had or that awful luck he's always had. No, girl, he's got what ever has happened to him because he's exactly who he is!

Continue Reading

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