That's it.
That's the most important question you can answer that's going to bring you the results you're looking for.
Every day, you tell me your stories of why you do the things you do, why you can't stop doing those things, why what you believe is just the way it is and why you've given up on hoping it's ever going to be any different for you.
I listen. And then I ask you that most important question you NEED to answer before ANYTHING is going to be different for you.
Why?
Why are you too old?
Why are you so unique that you're going to be the one person that never finds anyone while everyone else does?
Why are you too broken?
Here's why I'm asking you to answer your own "why".
Because your answers have become your habit. They're your comfort zone answers you give whenever someone asks you the question I asked you last week. They roll off your tongue like the habit they've become so you don't even notice whether they're actually true anymore.
You can always find others who will agree with you so this reinforces your answers even more. And when you're so familiar with your story - your reasons - you don't question them.
But you need to!
If you knew that doing just ONE thing had the power to change your life, wouldn't you do it? Of course you would! This is how powerful answering your own "why?" is!
Stay with me here. Go back to the answer you filled in the blank to my question last week of "Which one's yours?" It's in the comments or you emailed me or you wrote it down somewhere. Go back to that. Yes, that's yours.
Now I want you to answer it. All together. You're not alone here!
Why are you too damaged?
Why are you not enough?
Why are you too much?
Why are you "meant to be alone"?
If I've missed your answer, fill it in here. Why are you ________ ?
Now tell me here in the comments. If you're going to change your life, this is how it happens. Why is this true for you?
We're making real changes starting today and I don't want to see you miss out on all that love and life still has to offer you, Gorgeous! You won't want to miss where we're going next - we're going to tie it all together for you!
Sending you so much love wherever in the world you happen to be!
Love,
Jane
Why am I so unique that I can't find someone when everyone else does? BEcause I have aspergers and have a lot of trouble understanding human relaionships. I know a lot or Aspergers women in the same boat, so no, not everyone else does. Some aspergers people can find love. But when you say some can, that is equivalent to saying most can't. For example, some people can speak 5 languages fluently. That does not mean everyone or even most people can.
Why am I “too much”? Why am I “the perfect catch”, and yet everyone leaves me. Why am I promised so much love and a future, and poof, he is gone? What am I doing wrong if they (4) say they thought I was their “one” but then broke up with me? Tired of being heartbroken 😢
Why? I'm in too much pain. No one stays with me. It's natural to look for someone healthy for a partner.
It is natural to seek out healthy partners, Kathryn. But what I'm wondering is why have you precluded yourself from being one of those healthy partners? Why have you written yourself off like this? There are so many people in pain for different reasons. Why does this judgement fall on you? Sending you love tonight, sweet soul. Isn't it time for a change?
I’m to old and damaged. The only man I loved dumped me. Now he has died.
I'm so sorry, Susan. But why does he have to be the only man you loved?
Well it’s been 8 years since my husband died.
Because kids in school made fun of me.
I know this one is a painful one for those of us who were picked on, Kelly, but where are they now? Could it be they're only there if you allow them to be? Could you come back to your own life that doesn't include them, that puts them back in their place far away from you, and could you be the gatekeeper of your own thoughts and who you allow in your head, your life, your space?
Why am I insecure when in a relationship
You might be insecure in the beginning when you're first getting to know someone, Holly. But if you continue to feel insecure, it's because you're with the wrong guy, not because there's something wrong with you!
My heart has been broken so many times. I am too emotional. I am too needy. Sometimes i am insecure.
Then own all those things, Elizabeth. So if you're too emotional, too needy, too insecure. Aren't we all to some degree in our own way? Own every one of these! There isn't a problem with being who you are. It's pretending you're not that's the problem that makes someone see you being yourself this way as a problem! We do this to ourselves!
Yes
Why do I keep attracting the same kind of men?🥴
It's because of who they represent to you, Julie! It's never about them; it's about the promise they hold of changing what went wrong with the unconditional love plan that never worked out in the past for you!