One Question

I have one question for you today.

Do you have people in your life who actually see you? Who embrace you, who celebrate you? The real you - not the image you put out there because that's who you've been told you are, but the actual you?

Since you're here, I'm assuming you've only known relationships with men who were never the right ones for you, who had no place in your life.

I want to change that for you.

We need to create some semblance of what it feels like to be loved and accepted and adored for you. If you've never experienced anything like this before, we're going to start fresh as if today is the first day of the new you.

The you who loves to dance, who loves to move, who hears the music all around you and believes in a different world from the one you've been through.

We're going to create that together, you and I, as we help you to move towards the people and the places and the things to do that will bring you closer to actually experiencing this new vision for you.

I know you know how to get there, where to find it and how to experience it, but these experiences you've had in so many areas of your life have covered over that so that you don't remember what it's like or how to find that like a little part deep inside of you used to believe it to be true.

Yes, you're going to meet someone special, someone who is looking for exactly who you are, too. But you find him together, with his efforts in finding you as much as your own.

Always remember that; love happens because two souls are looking for each other. It's never one-sided! Yes, it happens almost magically, but very practically as well. Meaning that you find him by finding yourself, by not hiding behind what you think is the image you should project, but by being very much yourself so that you are attracting someone who's looking for exactly who you are, and not an image.

Yes, it takes working on yourself.

I had to first get very clear on what I wasn't going to accept in my life anymore in order to figure out what I did want. That involves work on yourself, but it doesn't have to be this never-ending journey towards perfection that many of us get confused about. Little shifts, little steps, little new ways of seeing yourself and seeing relationships as real instead of a fantasy of unrealistic expectations, all help too.

We have to first learn to say no to what doesn't serve us, things like having sex too soon - only because it changes us and strips us of our power - not because we can't, things like accepting a date with someone who doesn't treat us well simply because we don't want to be alone.

We have to learn about boundaries, and we have to learn to respect ourselves. We have to refuse to go fast with someone just because they say all the right words.

And we do this because we recognize that value and worth deep within us that has nothing to do with what we look like or what we've got going for us. It's simply because we are who we are, it's our birthright to love and be loved for who we are. Remember that part. When you realize just how much you're worth, just how much you have to offer someone truly worthy of you, you shift into the mindset of being the one doing the choosing instead of simply allowing someone to choose you. It makes a huge difference in the way you come across!

There's all kinds of different kinds of avenues for meeting new people. Online dating is one, getting involved in things you're passionate about and you enjoy is another. Depending on where you are in the world right now, being around like-minded people in places like churches or meditation or martial arts or political or human rights causes is another.

So figuring out what things motivate you where you're likely to meet other people - men and women - who will confirm for you that you're not alone in being interested in the things you are, who will be looking forward to meeting you, too, because you're on the same page as them, those types of places and things.

We can brainstorm some of these together if you give me the things you're interested in and excited or passionate about.

I met my husband doing everyday things, and I didn't know right away if he was the "one". My female friends were all mostly in the same boat as me so I didn't get much help from them.

I knew he was different from most of the other men I had dated, but it took getting to know each other slowly over time to find out more about each other before both of us knew we were on the same page and had enough of the real stuff it takes to make a relationship work.

But the biggest difference was that we were both contributing to this getting to know part together. It was equal, unlike anything I'd experienced before. Usually I was on the begging end, not sure where I stood, not wanting to rock the boat to find out more, and always trying to gauge the temperature of the relationship to know where I stood.

That's the biggest difference.

You're not the one doing all the work or pretending you're cooler than you are in a real, healthy relationship. Over time, it becomes clear that you're both in this together, that you're both investing time and energy with each other. That's where the equal part comes in. You don't have to question because he's filling in the answers just as you are, too.

Let's create a new story for you, Beautiful.

One that brings out the best in you, one that takes the past and accepts and acknowledges where you've been and what you've been through, but releases you from it by allowing you to find your freedom in who you are deep down inside and what you like, what your needs are, and how you can live your life being true to yourself.

Write out the story of how you want the rest of your life to go. Get the detail down on paper. It's in the detail that we gain the clarity to see it happen because it's not out there, it's right here in our everyday lives happening every day with every choice and decision we make.

That makes it real!

I want you to notice how people make you feel. I want you to notice and observe and maybe even right down how you feel around different people. Recognizing those feelings, whether they're good or bad or everything in between, gets you noticing the difference between people and helps you focus on the good feelings and who and what type of people give you those feelings, and who gives you the opposite.

It's no accident you're here. You KNOW there's more to life and love than this! You KNOW you deserve better than what you've been settling for, and we're going to get you there - together!

Love,

Jane

How about you? Share your story in the comments!