When you've been told over and over again that you're broken, when you've been told you have to go to some being outside yourself to ask for forgiveness for the simple act of being human, you're going to forever have a hard time believing you're not.
And when heartbreak turns to more heartbreak and you can't seem to learn well enough from your past mistakes to exact any kind of different outcome, it's a tragedy that all you've got left is a scenario where you cast yourself at yet another man's feet and beg for forgiveness - for grace - to be given the right to be here just as you are.
It's something wrong with you all over again when you're told the very essence of you is bad, wrong, in desperate need of correction. Because the theme is the same as the one you first learned: you will always need someone outside of yourself to save you from yourself!
Look within, Beautiful. Look at your beautiful heart and soul.
Is there any good in you? Not their answer this time, but the answer that's your own.
The truth is, there is nothing but good in your heart, in you! You don't need this validation from anyone else for it to be true. That's how we got here in the first place.
Search your own heart and find your truth.
Imperfect, yes. Human, absolutely. But to give your power away in the act of somehow absolving yourself enough to have permission to be here, absolutely not.
You've always known your own truth, Beautiful, regardless of whether the ones who programmed you with the belief that they knew better than you have caught up to you yet!
Love you, Beautiful.
Love,
Jane
If this resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you in the comments below.
Found this post after first reading your post about “why he hasn’t called.” I’ve been taking a conscious break from dating for the last year and a half. Out of the blue I received an email from a dating website I’ve never really been active on. He sounded like a wonderful, conscious man and I replied with trepidation. We exchanged a few emails and he asked if he could give me his number and I said yes. I sent him a simple text with my number so we could talk the next day. The next morning he texted to see if I’d be available for a chat. We made those plans and then he sent me a long text of a Buddhist joke that was sent too quickly to be personal. I thought, ok, it’s a cut and paste job that he uses and he’s likely talking to other women. I know how this online dating works! When we talked I was fairly closed off and admitted that to him. My profile on that website had been written when my heart was more open and I think he expected someone very warm and engaging. We still had a nice conversation and he said I’ll call you again in a few days so we can continue to get to know one another. Like clockwork, he texted me three days later and we arranged a time to talk that night. I thought the conversation went really well. I was open and honest and as vulnerable as I’d be willing to be on a 2nd phone call. I loved that we had a shared language because of the personal development work we’d both done. He says I’ll call you in a few days. Well, it’s five days later and it looks like “he’s just not into me.” I contemplated reaching out, but I hold value in being pursued. No one is too busy to send a text. We’re all in quarantine, for goodness sake, haha! So now I’m feeling like “there’s something wrong with me,” and that the conscious man I seek won’t find me “woke” enough. I’m disappointed I allowed myself to get my hopes up and that I put myself out there again when I have seen time and time again this is how online dating works...
Hi Shannon,
Wow can I relate to this. There is nothing wrong with you. You sound honest and know what you want and what is best for you. Better that he disappeared now- if he did, rather than later when you were more connected. He may turn up again and it's your choice how you proceed with him.
I know for me I swore I'd never go on a dating website, but I did and like you chatted and met a few men, thought it went well, started to let my guard down only to be smacked once again. I think dating websites can be so damaging when you're already fragile. Yes, many people do meet that way and find true love, but don't blame yourself for these experiences. So many men are on there for their own egos and entertainment, seeing how many women they can attract. It's definitely not for me and I've resigned to the fact that if I'm meant to meet someone it will happen naturally. Maybe I'm too skeptical but we know what is best for us, and I hope that you will realise this may be a blessing for you in the long run.
Once again you are right on the spot, it feels like you know me better than I know myself sometimes. Thank you for everything you doing
aw, thank you, Alice. I have a feeling you and I would have a lot to talk about someday. ❤
5 years ago I met someone who rocked my world after leaving an abusive marriage. I was over the moon for meeting this man and couldn't believe my luck that he was actually interested in me. Unfortunately I regret the day I met him because over the last 5 years I have lived in limbo trying to be perfect in the hope that he loves me back. In the first 18 months of our "relationship", we were friends with benefits. If I ever attempted to talk about moving things forward, he would stop talking to me so I kept my mouth shut and became the "perfect woman": never complained, I was always happy, dressed well. He eventually caved in and said we were official. Our official relationship lasted for 2 and a half years. During that period, he broke up with me 3 times. We talked about moving in together (he was desperate for it because he was living with his parents), having a child was also on the cards. When I said that I wanted him to commit (getting married) in order for me to have a child, albeit old fashion it was what I needed to trust that he wouldn't walk away, he always said NO but would quickly say that he was joking. I got pregnant by accident; he asked me: would you like to get married because you are pregnant and I said if he truly loved me he should propose. If he didn't, we should remain unmarrid. He told me "ok, I don't want to marry you". Fast forward a few weeks and I lost the baby. The following year was horrendous. I became depressed, lost weight, lost hair; however always trying to put a brave face because if I complained he would walk away. In December 2018, I lost it . He was abroad and I bombarded him with angry messages about how he made me feel. He broke up with me by text message. I became desperate, trying to get him back. I took a 7 hour flight to the country where he was and when I arrived, thinking that he would be happy to see me, he told me, go back home. I did but I still didn't give up. Eventually we started talking again and he even apologised to me sending me lovely messages indicating that we were gonna get back together. One day, he texted me: I don't want to talk to you again. Little I knew that he already had a new girlfriend. 3 months later he came back with texts. Again , I was over the moon thinking that I could get him back. Since then I've been trying to get him back. I even wrote his business plan last weekend, gave him a work reference last month for his new job, all to for him to see that I'm his perfect match. Today when he called me as he always does because he always initiates contact with me, we got talking about our relationship. Again I asked for forgiveness for everything he thought I had done wrong. He never apologised. After that phone conversation, I decided after 5 long years I can't do it anymore so I messaged him and told him, I'm distancing myself. He texted back : I understand, be safe. It hurt a lot because he never put up a fight . Everyday he called me but today when I said I'm walking away, he was ok with it. But I release him and forgive myself for having spent 5 years of my life who needed to be convinced of my worth. Today he even said that I was at fault for not being closer to his family. This is the same man that took 1 year to show me where he lived and to introduce me to his parents. The same man that told me that he didn't want me to go to his house because he felt bad for still living with his parents. My lovely ladies, when you find yourself convincing someone of your worth walk away. Don't waste 5 years of your life. Love to all xx
Oh Kia, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through with this man. Yes, you've learned, but like most of us, the hardest, most absolute worst way way we ever learn - with the loss of ourselves. Thank you for sharing and still even offering something to inspire us all. ❤
I’ve been fighting these old voices all my life. Somehow in male /female relationships I have worked to hard to be valued and loved. Each time I select men who can’t possibly think I’m enough so I leave to find that one who will unconditionally love yet all the time I needed to give myself that validation. Your way of writing this made it so clear to me. Now why I never really been in love as I won’t be that vulnerable as if they really knew me they would leave. I do know my heart and the love I have given out so maybe it is time to really love the whole me and accept I am as I designed to be beautiful all along. Wow that’s heavy and feels sad that I never really felt this peace before.
What if the right ones don't leave, Kimberly. What if it's only the wrong ones that do, but we've always been confusing the two? Would you see yourself differently then? ❤
I’ve resorted to therapy writing to handle my healing. I’ve left a relationship behind that wasn’t good for me and so very excited to take a Journey to love myself. My latest piece I’ve written, hopefully it helps.
She would’ve done anything for him. She would’ve crossed an ocean for him, which saddens her, she finally realizes he would never jump a puddle for her. It was in this lesson, she placed a value on her life. His silence was proof, he couldn’t afford her worth. The ease of what is familiar, comforts him, even tho he knows it kills him. He can’t escape the cage of insecurities, he has become too weak for her to save now. He chooses to remain faithful to his fears, too afraid to rise to her value.
She forgives him. She appreciates him. She accepts the opportunity he’s given her. For in the silence she endures, was a chance for her to receive his gift of her equal, a position he could never hold.
Love this, Raquel. This type of therapy writing is such a beautiful thing. Thank you for sharing your beautiful gift with us - to tell the story of your heart.
Thanks Jane for the reminder, I do have a beautiful heart, and I give it away and it always get broken. I never feel like it is returned to me. I pick these men that are nothing but selfish. I give and give and nothing ever comes back. Then it gets to the point where I'm just feeling used. Time to change my ways and look for a man with a big heart like mine. They're hard to find at my age, most are very self centered.
Don't look for those kinds, Paula. Yes, there's plenty of them. But they're not the ones the eyes of your heart look to see. ❤
What you sent me was so beautiful exactly what I needed to hear.. I will find my truth!
So glad, Crystal!
Yes I do believe that I'm not good enough. My self confidence has been shattered and yes I do fall into the same pattern in relationships.
Then I'll be the still, small voice, Nadia, that asks "why?"
Yes I always felt guilty, always felt so bad but really just indoctrination having grown up in a cult.
So glad you're seeing that, Liz. It was never a part of you!
Just what I needed right now, thankyou
You're welcome, Simone.❤
I soooooooo needed to hear this today!
I have looked for and craved validation from others to feel my worth... My whole life. I am 52 and have been married 3 times to abusive men and ones who seem indifferent. I needed this message to help me see the real truth, that I am beautiful, because I BELIEVE SO.
Now to get the courage to put one foot in front of the other and move forward in my own worth.... I struggle deeply with this but am committed to finally having the courage to do it.
I'm with you every step of the way, Karen. We'll do this together. ❤
This to me sounds like you're speaking about the Christian faith. In the Christian faith it is true that we go to Christ, or Yeshua ha Mashaich. The beauty of the Christian faith is once we understand who Christ is and that he took the penalty for any and all wrongdoing that we could ever do upon himself and died for us, then you understand the love of the Father, the Creator to bring us closer to him. You see that's what we were created for, not our own benefit but to commune with the Creator. When man and woman defied the Creator he could no longer look upon us because we were broken but there was always a plan to fix us. Because you say he knows all things and because he knows all things he understands us he created us.
When you say that we have to continually ask for forgiveness for something that's broken about us that it leaves us feeling wanting that is not true. But you would have to have the presence of the most Holy Spirit in your body, heart, and soul to understand the manifestation of peace. When you have felt the touch, the presents and the power of the most holy God you understand how much he loves you.
And our desire to be closer to the Father we have to take a really good look at ourselves to see what we're about. We are not so much broken as a pressed by sin. When Jesus Christ voluntarily went up on that cross and stayed there and died he paid the penalty for our wrongdoing that we do here on this planet. Now knowing that you must understand that the father can no longer see this sin because the sun has been covered by the blood of Jesus Christ.
There is no other way to the father but through Christ. He said so he said I am the way the truth and the light and no one comes to the father except by me.
The freedom that is experienced from knowing that once I accept the love of Jesus in my heart nothing can ever separate me from the love of the most high again. Where once he looked and saw a sin now he looks and he sees a soul who's looks as white as snow because the sun is no longer visible to him his son took upon himself the send of all of the all of humanity everyone had that had been born and everyone that would be born. What greater Love could there be except he laid his life down for us knowing the horrible death he would suffer but that was not the true measure of pain. The true measure of what he sacrificed was those brief moments that he would be separated from the companionship and fellowship with the father what he took upon him the sins of the world. because God Almighty could not look upon him at that point and had to turn away from him until he died. When Christ was in The garden of Gethsemane right before his death and he was sweating blood over what he knew was coming it was not over fear of dying on the cross it was over the fear of being separated from the communication and the love of the Father.
Noe you asked for a comment on this, I cannot tell you how to live your life and nor would I ever try, neither can I tell you that you must commit yourself to Christ and ask for forgiveness of your sins and be free from it. How you choose to live your life is your choice but the price I've not doing it is to be eternally separated from the love of the father all men will be judged.
If indeed you were to study the word some you would see how close to the return of the father and Christ we are everything that's going on right now in this generation including smart weapons tactical warfare and the threat of nuclear annihilation was already written and predicted in the Bible for this time. We were given a clock to watch this by and that clock started ticking when Israel became a nation again which was predicted in the book of Daniel 3000 years 4000 years before it ever happened.
Now people may want to deny that it's real but I tell you this predictions were written by 40 men it's 66 books over the course of three thousand years and this book is so precise as to have dates that lineup meticulously.
I would say to you before you judge a face like the Christian faith based on what you don't know perhaps you need to go and learn a little more about it many people have chosen to die rather than give up their belief and deny their belief I too would be one of those because I would rather suffer a few minutes of pain on this planet than an eternity separated from my father the Creator I never feel inadequate, lacking, are broken any longer.
What I know for sure is that I'm going to fall down a lot in my lifetime but it's 63 years old I know I can look at myself and go it's okay the Father sustains me.
Many people try to say that we were created by accident, and that evolution is how we came about. Charles Darwin started the evolution beliefs but if you were to study up on Charles Darwin he later came to understand who the Christ was and recanted all of his writings the covered anything to do with evolution.
now evolution does have a form in which God shows us how things mature and change and adapt to their surroundings praise God our creator had the thought to put that into everybody.
But if you were to talk to and study people that research and do the science on molecular creation, you would see that they now say there has to be a creator because there's no way did the structure of our DNA could have come about by chance.
Jesus said were knit together in the womb of our mothers. Plan created he said we were wonderous and marvelous. That's why I'm so strongly against abortion had one when I was 14 what's the worst thing I ever did in my entire life and I praise God for his forgiveness for the death of my child.
But I don't have to carry that with me anymore because once I ask for forgiveness it's done it's finished it's over. There is no more sign of that sin in me.
If you can look at Jesus Christ read what he wrote, understand his love of children and old people in the sick and the infirm, the tax collectors the murderers that the the crazy people that the people afflicted with alcoholism and disease and leprosy in the things that nobody else would touch of his day and understand that he loved them all so much if that's where he went those are the people he touched held hugged kissed and healed. It's like he said he didn't come here to heal the well he came here to heal the sick.
Before you try to subtly insult the faith of Christianity you need to look at it closely. There has been no other fate that has created so much on this planet as Christianity. Most of our universities hospitals orphanages homes for the sick homes for the elderly care for these people these were all created by people of strong Christian faith. most of the educational centers that have been here and established in the US since the 1800s in before were established on the basis of proving the worth and the validity of God Almighty and the and the Christian faith such as Emery, Harvard, Wheaton all these major universities across the country many many many were created for the purpose of researching the Christ.
If you ever need to talk I am so here for you I love Yeshua ha Mashiach. Jesus the Messiah. There is no other that can truly come into your presence into your life touch you heal you and give you the peace that surpasses all understanding but him
Precisely, Suzan. We have more in common than you can see. ❤
Thank you for the private response. It was very kind and you took a lot of time to think it through, not an easy task when you're already busy!
You're so welcome, Lisa. I always try!
Ephesians 6 - Putting on my full armor of God, Jane, especially the track shoes to leave them in the dust! The most important relationships in my life that truly matter, never leave, forsake, or cause negativity are the ones with the Trinity and me. In that clarity and pure love and understanding is strength and peace that passes all understanding because God is not a god of confusion or legalistic religion but of pure love, guidance, wisdom and relationships that never change but endless to keep up with any times. People move and make things complicated. He does not. I'm thankful to just let go of the imperfect people I gave so much power to and let God get me back on the path to a whole me and be blessed to be a blessing again but even better than ever. Life's lessons learned the hard way, as they often are. Thank you, Jane. Your passion and compassion are always appreciated. God bless.
Aw, thank you, WJ. I felt every word you've written here. Now may you see yourself through those same eyes. ❤
Wow Jane you have no idea how much I needed that today, I give so much Love to a fault and it always seems to end up in hurt. I know that I am beautiful but I still feel broken after 27 surgeries and all the scars I feel like I am broken, that I will never be enough. I don’t ever show that to anyone on the outside I just keep it locked inside me. I know in my heart I am worthy of love even though I am sick but getting past that feeling of never being enough is hard once you have been told that by someone you loved. So I look for love and pray that I find that one soul who accepts me as I am.
Relating to your situation, Christina.
Praying for you this morning.
Everything we go through builds character. Sometimes when we are all "character built out", as I call it, I have to remember that God knows, knew before, and will help us through it not around, above or below it because He believes in our potential and the good we can use it for that would otherwise never have happened. This world is not our home but we can really only fully appreciate another's situation if we have been there so I believe you will be a tremendous blessing to the right people and find love in giving and receiving from them. If it is your desire to have one special man then being secure and content on your own ought to come first. Who knows? Maybe through a life you touch by your healthy boundaries of empathy, you will meet the one you are looking for but always know that you are enough and love can be so full in other ways that you may not have the time or the need for anything or anyone else. I encourage you to please use your seasons of trials to keep growing. I am. It isn't always easy but it's always empowering and enriching. Take care and God bless.
It takes another beautiful soul to recognize a beautiful soul, Christina. Seeing all the beauty in yours today. ❤
What a beautiful reminder <3. I enjoyed that very much! Thank you 🙂
So glad, Colleen. Thank you!
Wow. Tried organized religion for a few years. Realized the same thing you describe here, in addition to learning just how corrupt some of these organizations are. That's when I said 'enough' and left.
Life is still difficult sometimes, but as I've gotten older, I no longer really care what others think, and I refuse to engage with people that refuse to think for themselves.
Thank you for all you do.
Oh Lisa, you've touched on something beautiful here. The beauty in coming of age!
Thank you! I needed these words today!!
So glad it was you I heard, Kellie. Thank you for stopping by to let me know!