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The Best Way to Build Confidence

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A woman is dancing in the rain because of her confidence.
This one simple change will dramatically boost your confidence!

If it seems to you like everyone else has it all together, knowing just what to do to have a healthy relationship and making it look so easy in the process, while you're struggling along, feeling like there's something wrong with you, well, you're not alone.

I used to feel that way, too.  There always seemed to be someone who did relationships better than I did.

While I was constantly trying to figure someone out, trying to be the perfect girlfriend, figuring out whether I should try to give him some more space or show him just how excited I was about him, there was always someone I knew who had that amazing confidence about them and their particular relationship.

Just confidently being in it, seeing where it went and not putting all their focus and time and energy in it, just being normal about it.

And oh how I would envy her. I wanted to be that nonchalant, too.Continue Reading

Yes, You Can

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You can do this. You really can. This standing up for yourself, this setting boundaries and standing firm for what you know you deserve and refusing to settle for anything less A beautiful woman is jumping in a green grassy field.You can do this.

You really can.

This standing up for yourself, this setting boundaries and standing firm for what you know you deserve and refusing to settle for anything less even though you're lonely, even though you miss him, even though you're so used to convincing yourself it's ok that you actually believe it is.

I know it's hard. I know you want to do anything but this.

I know you want it to be easy.

To just flow. To be like you've heard and seen in all those romance novels and movies and happily after fairy tales you remember from your childhood.

I know you feel like you've been sold a bill of goods, that it wasn't supposed to turn out this way, that it wasn't supposed to be this complicated or this heartbreaking.

I know exactly how you feel because I always felt this way too.

And I still do.

Because like so many of you, so many times I have to be dragged kicking and screaming to finally get something, to finally get that I have to be strong even though I don't want to be, even though I want it to be easy, even though I don't want to fight for myself, even though I keep telling myself that it wasn't supposed to be this way!

It's a life pattern, not just a relationship pattern.

And all too often, I get stuck in the way I think it should be and forget that none of that really matters. The way it should be, the way I wanted it to be, the way it was promised it would be, doesn't matter at all. The only thing that matters is what is. What really is. The rest is all just wasted time and energy. Lots of it.

So as much as we try to resist, as much as we don't want to have to stand up for ourselves one more time and go through this again, we have to.

You have to.

Because if you don't, life has a way of coming back around and around and setting up the same lessons that you need to learn. And you will be so much better once you learn these, even if you can't see it right now. I know this all too well, because so many of us are where we're at because we are so emotional. And being emotional, thinking with our sensitive emotions that make us soft and sensitive and understanding and compassionate and empathetic and caring and loving - I could go on and on here; these wonderful qualities make us who we are and make the world a better place because we're in it with these qualities.

But it does make life harder on us.

It makes us long for a soft, warm place where we can find someone who will love us with all their hearts and find a place to call home with them. But this isn't about letting your heart get hardened, you can keep all those beautiful, sensitive parts of yourself while still being strong for the one person that deserves the kind of strength I'm talking about here – you. And that's why this isn't one you can skip over. Because you're worth so much more than just sitting by and letting life and love treat you this way.

This isn't the way life and love is meant to be.

It's not. It's time to stand up and be heard, to show your beautiful strength, to stand up for who you are and what you believe in, to refuse to back down and change your mind just because someone makes you feel so small. You are that strong. You are all that. You and only you let the world know how it can treat you.

We let our beautiful hearts and our souls run so much of our lives and we have a hard time seeing the logical, practical side of things. We have such a hard time thinking with our heads because it's our hearts where we live most of the time, and so we can't understand why everyone else seems to have such an easier time figuring this out.

But we all come to this in our own time, as part of our own journey. When we're ready, we get it. We get that it's only in standing up like this, in speaking up for ourselves, in setting the rules for how we will allow someone to treat us, regardless of who he is or what he does for us. It's only by being so clear on who we are and what and who we will allow in our lives that we can find that resolve within ourselves to stand up and keep standing up for ourselves and what we believe in and what we stand for. It's worth it.

You're worth it.

I know it's not that easy path it was supposed to be. I know it's hard. I know it shouldn't be like this. I know they never said anything about this part, the part you're going through right now. But when you make it a habit of living your life like this, when you live your life standing up for you, when you get just how much you're worth standing up for – always, it will get easier and it will be such a richer life you're living. Without all this stuff that weighs on you, without all their stuff that you allow them to weigh on you. You can't please them, so stop trying. You can't convince him, so stop trying. You can't make him love you, so stop trying. You can't make anyone do anything different if they don't want to themselves. You can't change anyone but yourself.

It's you again, my beautiful friend. It always comes back to you. And you, I'm telling you, can do this one, too!

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

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If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.It all seemed so incredible. He seemed so amazing. He made you feel beautiful when you were together – and even when you thought you weren't.

Your relationship had all the makings of the real thing. All the fireworks, all the excitement, all the magic.

Until suddenly, you’re noticing some subtle changes. He’s not calling as often. His emails and texts are fewer and shorter. He’s busy a lot more often. He’s a lot less romantic than he used to be. If you've been intimate, he becomes less intimate.

His plans may or may not include you – unlike before when they always included you. He’s showing up late and doesn't call to let you know he’s going to be late.

You bring it up.

You tell him that you've been noticing some differences and you want an explanation. He says he’s just been busy with work or tired lately and that nothing’s changed with him. So you let it go. But you miss the way it was, and you don't understand why he's suddenly getting emotionally distant.Continue Reading

That First Step

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You don't need to settle like this. You do have worth. You don't have to prove your worthiness to receive love. It's not in everyone else except you; it's all there, in you! A beautiful woman is taking that first adventurous step across the water into the unknown.You know you don't want to settle anymore. You know it's time to start focusing on what you really want, and deserve, and to start making this about you and not about any him.

But even as you know all this, even as you know in your head so clearly what you need to do, the reality is your beautiful heart, the heart that knows how to give so much better than how to receive, doesn't even know where to begin. Or if it really even wants to begin.

So you stay.

Or you think about making changes, but you don't know where to begin, so you stay right where you are because if feels comfortable. Giving yourself away, even if it doesn't serve you and all that you are very well. At least it's what you're used to.

At least it's predictable. Even if it's unpredictable, at least it's predictably unpredictable.

But sometimes, you get a glimpse. Just a small one, but still some glimpse that there might be something more out there for you. Something better, something more on an equal level, something that might be a whole lot closer to what you know deep down in that beautiful heart of yours you really deserve. But then that fear comes again. That familiar fear that keeps you staying right where you are, settling for less than you know you deserve because, after all, the fear of the unknown always seems so much worse than the less than ideal reality of what you're living now. And besides, most of the time, you manage to convince yourself it really isn't that bad, it could be worse, and besides it's so much better than being alone. Continue Reading

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