I get it. I understand completely. The problem is that while it's very simple to understand, it's not as simple to achieve. I know because it was so difficult for me too - in fact it still is. But it's quite possibly the most important thing you can do to allow the kind of love that you really want into your life.
So for today, we’re going to put aside all the bigger pictures and we’re just going to focus on this one very special thing:
Accepting who you are.
You see, you have to start somewhere on this journey, and the very first step along the way is accepting that beautiful woman you are.
With all those things you wish were different. With all those things you call your flaws and you’d give anything to change. I want them all.
Embrace those things.
I want you to embrace each and every one of them.
I want you to write them down, right now. Go and get a pen and some paper, and write down each and every one of those things about yourself that you feel like you would change if you could.
Now I want you to celebrate those things in the biggest way you possibly can.
If you wrote down needy, then be needy! I want to see your neediness from here. Say out loud what you need, write it down big and bold.
The same with your fears. If you’re afraid, write them down. Big and bold.
Say them as you write them, make them as large as you can. Draw pictures if you’re more visual, of what they look like. Make them all as big as you can. Do this with every part of you that makes you you. We’re going to get everything out in the open so that there’s nothing to hide.
Don’t stop until you’re done getting it all out.
All those things you loathe about yourself and wish you could change. And there, my beautiful friend, you have a picture of the very worst things you think about yourself, the person you believe you are right now.
It’s going to change. But first you have to see these things in the light of how big they really are and how OK it is to be you. Love these parts of you. Tell yourself the story of why these are for loving.
Like neediness. If you’re needy, good, because it means you know what you need and you know how badly you need it! It means you have the ability to be truly attached to another person.
If you’re fearful of something, then great, you’re in touch with what you’re afraid of! Accept yourself, my beautiful friend; accept each and every one of these things in the biggest way you can.
No more hiding, no more pretending.
If you can love yourself -all of you – including this, so will someone else. But you have to be the first.
It has to come from you.
Because you are going to soon see that you are so much more than just these things. They don’t define you. But in order to see that for yourself, in order to get to the next step, we all have to start with where we’re at.
I was thinking the other day that its better to accept what is rather than fighting against what is. Like playing the cards you are dealt as best you can rather than complaining that those were what you were given.
Love this, Jackie; because it's in this type of acceptance of what is that we find a sense of peace within ourselves that we can never find by always fighting against ourselves and that reality.
I find that the resisting/fighting what is (even when it's bad) creates a wall against moving forward because one is giving energy towards what they don't want. I do find that using the dissatisfaction of a situation is best used constructively by investing the energy to being solution-based. Nothing is perfect or guaranteed but giving energy to a negative that upsets you is not helping at all.
So true, Jackie. Eventually, when we've done this enough times, we realize this other way and discover what a difference it makes when we can focus our energy on what we do want!
Very helpfull this one. Why is it so that you can see your own flaws. But so difficult for me to
Embrace it. It's for me very difficult to see this as a part of me and to not feel negative About it. For me
This hAs to do with body image. They say and you also Jane that you have to love yourself!
Now when i stand naked in front of a mirror i see my flaws and it is hard to embrace. So i started
To loose weight And excerCise, and still i can not say "yeeeey" but a voice comes and says
You need to work harder. I know i am being hard on myself, but sometimes it is
Difficult to embrace your own flaws or imperfections.
You're not alone in this, Maris; it's one of the hardest things to do - to embrace and love ourselves for all of it, not just the parts we like. And especially our physical selves. Body image is one of the most difficult areas to accept ourselves because our culture drills into us from such an early age what its unrealistic standards of perfection are that are just that; images that are airbrushed and made-up behind the scenes. But those aren't the images we see when we're only shown the finished product. So it isn't surprising that we struggle so much to love and accept ourselves for the way we look. Exercising and losing weight - by eating healthy foods in smaller portions - are wonderful ways we send ourselves the message that we're worth this type of self-care; but always do it for yourself and not because it is something you feel you "should" do. What matters is that you eventually come to see that it's not about any particular look, but it's about you finding a "look" for yourself that you're happy with, that reflects the beautiful woman you are at any size, at any shape, at any form. That's what it's about, My beautiful friend, no matter what messages we receive from anywhere else!
I hate that I'm constantly late, disorganized & messy. I hate that I smoke
I hate that I need to be liked & seek approval from others.
And I love your honesty, Vicki. I love that you're constantly late, disorganized and messy because I think you are only these things because you lived a part of your life having to be just the opposite. So I love that beautiful rebel soul in you that refuses to conform just because that was your old script! And I love that you need to be liked and seek approval from others, because one day when you realize that your efforts are futile because you can never ever please everyone, and especially those you want to, you will be so glad you no longer have to spend any more of your beautiful time and energy on these exercises and you will have more time and energy than you know what to do with creating a life that you love for you!
And yes, you smoke, but love that you can admit that you do, because it means you have a clue to a need you might not have realized you had. And one day, when you're tired of letting this habit control you, you will be on the journey of your life trying to find out what it is you really need, what it is you're really looking for all because of this one habit that you can't shake, that seems to control you. This is always a huge clue that there is something big that is just waiting for you to discover it so you can move on from this, too!
But most importantly, Vicki, know that in being this honest with yourself, in letting your true self be given a voice to express yourself in this way, you are being who you are right now. No hiding, no covering up, just the real, authentic you. And that, my beautiful friend, is worth so much more than not having any of these things. Anyone can act perfect, but it takes a real woman to stand up for herself and acknowledge who she is, and admit that she's not perfect. That's how we release control of anyone else over our lives. That's how we become the women we never knew.
Thank you!!! WOW!!! I thought needy, clingy, controlling, abandon and rejected are all bad...but when you accept who you are they are apart of you and no one can CHANGE them but you. I have started the process to change since I cannot cover them up any longer.
So glad you're finding this out for yourself, BRD. That's exactly my point here; once you can accept these parts of you, you are the one who comes into your own power! You become the one in full control of yourself - of every single part of you! - and you can decide if you want to change any of these beautiful qualities about you, not because you're afraid someone will find you out but because you never have to be afraid anymore. There is such freedom in learning to love who you are and discovering that you are the one who decides what you keep and what you change because you answer to no one else but you!
This was very helpful cause I have been beating up on myself a lot mentally and emotionally because of all the mistakes I have made in relationships and now affecting my job. I finally let go of all the bitterness and anger but it feels like its too late I just feel overwhelmed and sad right now.
I'm so glad you found this helpful where you're at right now, Juaquisha. Know that these things from your past that you're labeling as mistakes aren't mistakes, my beautiful friend. They're part of your past, your learning experiences, those choices we make when we don't realize we have choices, when we operate out of self-loathing instead of self-love. You always do the best you can with what you know at the time, and no matter what anyone else says or thinks, that's always what it comes down to. We all have a different level of light that we see at any given moment, and now, yours is becoming more clear. Bitterness and anger can have such a hold on us, when the reality is, they only hurt your own beautiful heart and soul in the process.
Be gentle with yourself, Juaquisha. We are so hard on ourselves when we don't deserve such treatment, no matter who we are or what we've done. There is no shame, no punishment, no "should have known better" if we refuse to allow ourselves to put these on ourselves. Feel the overwhelm, let the sadness lead to healing tears that will wash your heart and soul and restore you to that place of radiance where you belong. Just look and see how many of us have been there, too, and you'll find the comfort of knowing you are never, ever alone.