We've gotten so used to making this about everything except love that we don't even know how to get back to where we need to be. Somewhere along the way we unfortunately learned to believe that we need to prove something. That we need to show him, or maybe everyone, that we really do have value, that we really are all that. That we need to prove ourselves worthy.
We've traveled so far from our true selves that it's no wonder that we've found ourselves alone and questioning the meaning of life.
So alone.
Is it really any surprise? We've learned to be what everyone seems to be telling us that these guys want us to be – sexy, cool, hip, etc. We believe we need to show him all we've got, lay it all out there, so that we get noticed and we can catch him.
I used to think it was all about being that beautiful, sexy woman who would make every man want to be with her. What I didn't realize was that I was acting that way because I thought I had to – I thought that's what every man really wanted in a woman. I finally realized that I was only attracting the player types, because the others who actually wanted a committed relationship with an eventual real life partner weren't interested, or were scared off. They were all getting together and settling down with real women who were just being themselves and who were honest about what they were looking for!
I had no clue what real love looked like. The truth was I had no idea what I was doing, and what I was doing wrong.
I can't tell you how many times I would hear about someone who was nothing special in the ways I though mattered (read: looks, sexiness) who was getting married, having children, beginning that life that I so wanted for myself. And there I was, acting the way I thought I was supposed to act, being that person I thought I was supposed to be, the type that every man supposedly wanted, only to come to the startling realization that I had it all wrong.
Real men want the real you.
The kind of men I actually wanted to be with, men who were looking for a real, committed relationship, didn't want someone like that. They wanted the real me, not the image of this artificial me I was trying so hard to project. The others, the swaggering player types who wanted the challenge I was presenting them with, wanted me but not for the reasons I wanted.
Until one day, I got it.
I started putting the pieces together, started reading between the lines of my life. I finally realized that I wasn't in a movie, or a fairy tale; this was my life. I hadn't found success in love with what I thought was my type, which was really just our culture and the media telling me what should be my type. I had no idea what my type was anymore, and I had no idea who I really was.
And from that place of no man's land, I found the only thing that mattered. Love. Love for myself first. And love for another human being second. I had to get to the basics of who I really was, and let go of who I wasn't.
I had to admit what it was I really wanted. If it was love I wanted, I had to be honest with myself and realize there was no shame in being upfront about what my heart and soul truly desired. I had to admit that I might have it wrong and that there might be something to this simple way of just being and loving and focusing solely on the simplicity of love instead of the illusion of the game of extreme attraction.
It's OK to admit you want love.
I had to admit that I wanted love, and no, it wasn't needy for me to admit that; it was confident. I had to admit that I just wanted someone to love me, and he didn't have to be someone everyone would be jealous of. This wasn't about me looking good with someone, or finding someone who measured up to the standard that I always felt I had to measure up to in every way. This false standard created by our media-driven culture.
I could finally stop caring about what other people would think, and just find someone to love who loved me the same way.
That's it! Do you get that? This isn't about all the other stuff, all the unhealthy background baggage that you and I and all of our girlfriends bring to our relationships.
This isn't about you proving something to yourself or anyone else. He doesn't have to look like Bradley Cooper or a guy right out of a firefighter calendar. He doesn't have to be anything except someone who loves you, who gets you, who's compatible with you, who would make a great husband and father.
Do you see the difference?
We were created to love.
We women were biologically made to love, to give, to inspire, to care. In our hearts and souls what we really want at the end of the day, more than anything, is to have someone to come home to! Someone to hold us, to love us, to care about us, to calm our fears, to chase away all of our demons.
And what do we offer in return? We don't know anymore. We're so confused.
We've made it so complicated.
We've gotten so used to playing a role, being everything we're supposed to strive to be, when in reality, it's left us nowhere. We don't know how to get together anymore.
Men aren't used to the concept of being able to conquer us so easily. They don't know what to do with that! We cave so easily because we think that's what it's about. Being liberated. When in reality, giving ourselves away like we do feels anything like liberating.
It feels awful when the ecstasy wears off and we realize we did it again and he's not calling us again. The downward spiral continues as we beat ourselves up. Why can't we be stronger than that? And then the anger comes; we're supposed to be able to handle giving ourselves away like this – it's not supposed to feel this bad!
But it does feel bad.
It doesn't work both ways. We have to figure out who we are and what we really want. To prioritize and then focus on our priorities and not be swayed by our attraction to the unhealthy, as we work on loving ourselves and letting go of the things that trigger us to attract the unhealthy men and relationships we attract. Stop.
We can blame, we can go back in time as far as we want. But in the end, it's not about the past. It's about recognizing we all have a past, we all have baggage, we all do the things we do because of things beyond our control. But going back and back and figuring ourselves out doesn't do anything for where we are now. We're still alone. We're still lonely. We're still loathing ourselves, beating ourselves up, filling ourselves with regrets and if only.
Stop.
You're here right now. It's time to look again. To see yourself in a whole new way. Real. True. Imperfect. With nothing to prove. Nothing to show. Just here to love. And be loving. And show love. On a level that's safe. Respectful of you. Beautiful you. Guarded. Which means, you give your love to everyone, you shine your beautiful light of you all around you, but you only give your heart away to a man who proves himself worthy of that beautiful love you offer on that deeper level.
And when they see you with the love of your life, they'll know you didn't settle for anything less than you deserved.
You saw. You chose. You became free.
Hello. I love this site. Very informational... I met two guys online. I'll them A & B. Guy A told me in our first phone conversation last week a few days before Thanksgiving that he is dating others. I was fine with that. I appreciated his honesty. We plan to meet today; however, I really haven't heard from him aside from a "Hello, how are you doing text?" but very infrequent. So I don't respond. I had told him before that I prefer to chat over the phone. This is important to me to build any intimacy. Since we have both agreed to meet today and I haven't heard from him. I will go to the place that we had agreed upon. Should I go? What are your thoughts?
Guy B, we have been chatting over the phone daily.We planning to meet this week as well; this Thursday. He calls me in the morning and compliments me, his words are kind and compassionate. Yesterday, we chatted and I had to excuse myself from the phone. But before I could suggest him call me back, he requested/asked that I call him. So later that day, I was out and about and I ended up calling him. I called during his working hours. He didn't respond, but shortly after, he called me back and we chatted for about 30 minutes. Since he has been calling me daily, we talk 30 minutes and up to 1-2 hours. Here's the thing. I think I made a mistake calling him. Because while we were talking, he commented or asking me if I was "thinking about him". My comment should have been that he requested/asked for me to call so that is what I am doing, but I didn't. Instead, I said sure/yes I was thinking about you. Ugh!!! I know my worth and I understand that if a guy is interested in you, he'll pursue you. I don't know if I am making a big thing out of this or not because before ending our phone chat, he said that he'll call me later. Now I am the kind of woman that if you don't keep your word, I have a problem with it and I can immediately block you. I am in my late 30's and I have a very low tolerance for the "fudge crap". Am I overthinking? What are your thoughts?
Think of it all only as information, Tiffany. That's it. Especially in the beginning like this. You're just getting to know each other and you need to take things slow so these guys can show you who they are by their actions as much as their words. Make a mental note of everything but don't disect it too much because it's the patterns and consistency that you want to note, not every specific thing. Clarify if you're going to meet somewhere the when, where and any other details so that you know for sure you have an actual date at the same time you're making those plans. Otherwise, it's too casual for you to know whether it's a real thing or not. And if you called him back and were put on the spot and it make you uncomfortable or wanting a redo, that happens. It's not a big deal unless it becomes a pattern. One time is no big deal. Again, it's all information that adds up to give you a truer picture of the bigger story. And yes, how you feel in response to his actions is important information, too! So glad you're loving the site! 🙂
Women need to prove themselves as well. As a guy, I can say a women that shows no effort is not attractive by any means. Maybe for some guys, not all. I can say as a business owner a woman that makes a man invest all his time into her and not show any initial investment is not a real woman. It’s a virus looking for a host. My passions will always out way dealing with someone that is an energy vacuum. Not saying you are wrong in this article, by all means I agree with you 100%. But effort should always be 50/50. And for the woman don’t invest your energy into the to cool for school guy. Use your energy on someone that Reciprocates.
Thanx De Elle and Jane.
This is becoming a journey and am flushing emotional toxins due to this relationship. Am also so numb todate. self counselling/motivation and your advise will sober me up soonest. my gut feeling is that he does not have what it takes based on my latest observations. Thanx I m sure I will be strong without him.
Dating on line is not my thing though.
Hey me again, months later. I find this guy on line (dating site). He stole my heart with his sweetest words I ever wanted to hear. Just as he was pushing that we remove our names from dating site so that we focus on our relationship I requested that we should meet so that we will be sure that we are truly in this together. That was the last I got email from him.
What kind of guys are these? Was I wrong to request that we meet? In fact about four of them it was as if the pass word "let's meet in person" has some spell.
Could it happen that guys can fake their name on dating site over and over? the reason is that guy number four wrote lines similar to the writing of date three. They all removes their profiles as soon as they got my email. Funny they send different pictures.
I am sure u can relate to what I am going through. Thanks
Someone who won't meet in person isn't someone who belongs in your life, Favour. You deserve something - and someone - real!
Am reading and being inspired by comments and personal decisions to shape the relationships. A am in a relationship that became cold and I decided to let go but after 9 months of not communicating I realized that I love him more. When I called him he claimed that he lost the phone, was hoping that I will call and he is happy that we found each other (on 18/06/2016). He asked if I had any relationship I confessed that I didn't. When I asked him about his involvements he could not answer straight but claims that he loves me and wants to make me his wife.
We arranged to meet soon at his place because he is 6 hours drive from my place. Today (26/06/2016) on his social media profile he has a picture of an infant with a status that he loves her so much. I am confused now even though I have not commented about it. Am I making a fool of me or is he really serious about a long term relationship with me? Could the relationship that he is in not serious?
I truly love him but cannot take a chance of wasting my time on a yo-yo relationship.
Favour,
Please use a cautious and safe state of mind whilst moving forward with allowing him to unfold his true self. I say this only because of "the lost phone" comment.
Ask the tough questions and listen to the answers.
Your spirit depends on it.
Beautifully wise words, De Elle. Oh how it does!
Jane this is so true! And the Matthew Hussey stuff of be a high value woman that any man would want, with standards for how she wants him to treat her, no just be yourself, value yourself and treat the man as you would like to be treated but don't go overboard to get him to like you, he should like you as you are and if he doesn't then it's not right.
I too fell for the Matthew Hussey online programme and it messed me up. Please be careful.
Hi, I have been reading your comments and I wish I had the strength like some of you to do something about the way I am feeling. I have been with my boyfriend now for 2 & half year's & I am too often feeling unhappy due to his lack of affection, physical intimacy and ability to discuss the future. He doesn't tell me he love's me that often which makes me reluctant to tell him now but I still do at times. When we got together we had been friends for 18 months, sometimes friends with benefits but not that often. I got to the stage where I couldn't be his friend any longer because I had strong loving feeling for him. I told him one night I had enough, that I couldn't be his friend any longer that I was leaving his house & would never be back that was when he reallised he didn't want to lose me. He had always said he didn't do relationships. He'd been with someone for 7 year's many years ago & had been engaged but it ended. They got back together a few times & briefly about 4 years prior to us getting together. Anyway that night I was gona leave he decided he didn't want to lose me we started a relationship. A month later his dad passed away. I'd never got to meet him. My boyfriend naturally pushed me away a few times but at same time wanted me with him. We battled for months with how he was trying to cone yo terms it affected out relationship alot. We really have never had a honeymoon period. I spent most nights as his 1st the wkends then 5 days then after about a year I loved in. To be honest it was me who pushed for it because I was fed up living in two houses, at mine with my daughter & her boyfriend then his some nights. It was wearing me down. I was 49 & he was 44 so no spring chickens. At the start it was fab then after a few months things were terrible we were at times sulking with each other. He'd never lived with anyone so forgot that when your in a relationship there artwork people not just one. He actually had a day off work & didn't tell me but didn't think it was a big deal that he didn't mention it. We things like that. I constantly got upset, cried myself to sleep while he didn't seem to be bothered. After living there about 3 months he txt me to work to say when I get home ship my belongings out, he's not doing 7 days a week anymore as it didn't work. He didn't want to split & if wasn't happy with going back to just weekends & didn't want to continue with the relationship, then so be it he'd let me walk away. I love him so much I couldn't let go so said id try. After a few months I managed to get him to agree with 4 days as 3 I felt wasn't good for building the relationship back up.this is where we r now. On bank holidays I do stay longer nut it's breaking my heart. I feel like he doesn't really feel the same for me as he didn't at the start. We've had many many hurdles & he days we disagree too often. I feel it's not the same because he's made me feel so rejected since wanting me yo move out I can't seem to get over that. He won't commit to planning a future or if we'll ever live together again. He loves his own space too much that's one of the problems. I feel so unloved as we also rarely have sex too. He has said one time he'l never be the same man he was years ago, I think he means since his ex. Incidently i think she was about 10 years his junior & passed away a year & half ago. I know he love's me in his own way & i also know I love him more than he love's me he as much said so. He does spend all his weekends with me when he's not working & he is kind. He cooks for me & would help me with anything if I asked, it's just his lack of affection at times & fact he won't talk about a future together that's makes me feel does he questions if he wants me fully. He would often if we r talking about my house & things i need to do to it he say oh yes u should do that, that will sort it for you for another 10 years or so. I get so hurt I go quiet & he knows there is something wrong & it creates yet another bad atmosphere which makes him think the relationship is rubbish. I can't tell him y im upset because iv tried before & it's caused an augment were he says y can't u live for the now im happier not living together & cant tell you when or if il ever want more. I think he has an issue also about us living in his house but won't lI've at mine because he hates my neighbour. I have do many issues with him. I want to be with him si much that I keep thinking well im now 50 I could walk away & be in my own forever or I could stay in hope it will change. My issue is does he love me enough to ever change. When we are apart a few days he doesn't even miss me. He says it's only been 2 or 3 days! He is also so very unpassionate which hurts me deeply. I long to end it just to shake him into wanting me properly but scarred he might not & il break my own heart. Sorry this is like a boot but I just needed to get it all of my chest before I explode. Thank you for any feedback anyone can give me
So another words it's only the man proving himself only? The way I see it. A woman has to prove herself to me too. Narcissism seems to be norm in the comment section and how men easily fall for it. The women I dated have led me on, stood me up on dates, and a few women have blatantly disrespected me and told me that they can't be in a relationship with me because I'm mildly Autistic. But no one ever talks about the things that women do wrong. But somehow men are always blamed. I like to know why. I'm sorry, but if a woman thinks she can control me and if she thinks she has the mentality that she is always right. Nope. That's toxic. I will not be with that kind of woman. A woman put in 100% effort in the relationship. The same concept goes for the man. Me personally, I honestly don't believe I have anything to prove to no one. I already risk my life as a volunteer firefighter and proud to do so. That should already tell you what kind of man I am. If anything, me risking my life as a firefighter has already proven so much and I'm a firefighter with mild Autism. I know this is for the women. But I figure I'd share my experiences with women and those experiences aren't good.
You can change the word "he" for "she" in the article and the advice still stands.
The reason Jane used the reverse order is because her readership is probably 98% female.
The point is still the same. It's not a gender specific thing.
We all have to look at ourselves, our choices, our results and patterns and adjust accordingly to be able to find ourselves more whole, more confident, and to be able to find the same kind of partner.
I like your comments Robert. It should be 50/50
I went on dating site initially looking for conversation..but was bombarded with "meet me" requests. That really surprised me...I wouldn't want to just immediately meet someone and know nothing about them. There was one guy that emailed me back. So we have been doing so for about 2 months now. Problem is we don't speak much on the phone because I cannot understand him. He writes long emails sharing..dreaming..looking for a life partner but then we can't talk. He lost his wife 6 year ago to cancer. Recently he told me he had a 13 yr old son that needed kidney surgery. He actually asked me for 6 grand . Of course I did not give it to him. I have been straight forward and almost ugly to him about all this..but he apologizes and says he is not out for my money...he just was upset and didn't know what to do. I am upset about that and how he can spill his guts in emails but we can't even talk on the phone. He says that will be different when we meet. He is 55. .I am 59. What do I do about this? I am sad about it and don't want to hurt him. I have said things that I would have thought would have made him run..but he still reaches out.
He might be a scammer, Trisha. Beware. These people operate this way: they write a lot but never talk or meet you. Two months? This isn't serious. A person who means business does not wait too long. Asking for money is all you need to know he or she, whoever is writing is trying to rip you off.
Cut the cord on this.
Please beware. Online dating has its tricky things to watch out for. When you start emailing, just write two email that help you get a better idea of who this person is. Then move to the phone, see what it feels like and what else you learn. Two phone calls and then decide if you want to meet. Don't waste your time like this.
Good luck and take care of yourself
I appreciate the advice. I needed to hear that will put an end to it. It has been more troubling to me than positive. You want to hope for the best but I realize this is a problem. Thank you much for your insight. I will write back and update you. I will end this now. God Bless.
I think it's a bit late but I hope you reply it. Im 24 years girl. I met a boy who interested me from the begining and after two weeks we started seeing each other. Our relationship lasted for 2 months only, he never showed love for me but I was so in love with him that I gave myself out easily that only one day after making love for the first time with him, he just vanished into thin air. 6 months after he called me up saying he wanted to get us back together because he loves me so much and he realized im the only one for him. The problem is that I still like him, so please help me, what do I do?
The key is that the person has to prove that he is worthy but it really has to do with time. Time proves who is worth it. Someone who sticks around and has patience is a good clue. Making someone prove their worth can't be accomplished with games.
So true, Jackie! Playing games is never the way to find out if someone is truly worthy of you.
You’re right I do have a tendency to show a guy how great and caring I am hoping he would fall for me as much as I am willing to love him. I get so caught up in it. Ending up hurting myself because I am building expectation. I should learn to just put myself first not his wants first. If he deserves me he will get my love. Its so hard nowadays because a lot of people are afraid of love and theres so much more people waiting then there are people who are in love and together. I guess when the time is right God will bring him to me. Idk if i even believe in love to be honest. Ive never fallen in love. I just get false hope. I know im ready for something real i want that challenge to make things work to learn to communicate and compromise and overcome obstacles together but its like nowadays people look for simplicity rather than value.
I was So tired of thinking , and decided to take a look inside to find peace. Sometimes really looking deep at my
Own behaviour tires me! Because I want a quick change and all the answers. Off course that's not realistic 🙂 .
Read this article it so made me calm and see the big picture...
I even put this on a small paper and put it on my mirror!
Thank you Jane!
This piece;
And from that place of no man's land, I found the only thing that mattered. Love. Love for myself first. And love for another human being second. I had to get to the basics of who I really was, and let go of who I wasn't.
Love that, Maris; so glad you pulled that piece from here! 🙂
Love your articles and site! I recently met a nice guy who seemed a bit shy, but interested in me. He contacted me afterwards and made a joke at me, so I responded joking at him. Well I think he took it not well, because he stopped with the contact soon after. I am heartbroken because I had such a strong feeling here and guilty that my joke ruined it! Would one seemingly innocent insult hurt a man that bad or would he still have pursued regardless? This is hard for me right now and I appreciate the insight.
Thanks for your kind words, Kalinda. I'm glad this is resonating with you. Here's the thing about things like this; if one single thing like responding back with a joke - to his own joke - is enough for him to completely change his mind about you and stop all contact, then you have to ask yourself if the two of you are really that compatible. Now on the other hand, if your response was completely uncharacteristic of you and you would never have normally said what you did under different circumstances - and you want him to know this to see if it makes a difference, then there's nothing wrong with reaching out to him and letting him know how you feel. It usually doesn't change anything - he's where he's at because that's who he is, and this is really about him. We can't change the past, but we can choose to live our lives with the least amount of regrets possible, and if this is one of those times when you're regretting more than you're living, then do what you need to do to regain your sense of peace and calm.
There's no loss here, Kalinda; if he's right for you, if the two of you are on the same page, nothing you could do or say would change that. Don't beat yourself up. We're all human. We all do things we regret, we all say things we wish we could take back. You're finding out by his response where he stands and that's the whole point of getting to know someone and finding out if you're truly right for each other.
Jane, are you doing any videos yet... It would be awesome if you put this blog into a
Jane TV format... On youtube ; )
What do you girls think?
I think you would rock & be able to impact even more!
Just sayin... ; )
L&L
Monica.
You're so sweet, Monica - and always so supportive! Yes, I am working on something along those lines. You, and all of the beautiful women who happen upon my blog, have been so supportive of what I'm doing here, that I've been inspired by your responses to this website to do more. Now, if I could just sit down with each of you personally and share all that I have to say to each one of you, that would be my ideal scenario, but that would be just a little more complicated.:-)
I just want to say thank you for writing such an insightful and beautiful blog, that I come back to often.. To keep me grounded in what I really want out of my next relationship...
These stories are so inspirational, and I am happy for these women who had the courage to end the relationships that didn´t work...
I am about to end a seemingly very good relationship, because this guy is expecting me to drop everything everytime he is free... And I don´t feel like I have to give explanations for not pleasing him on the spot... I also have a life, dreams and goals to accomplish!
So girls, let´s keep empowering each other to our true love + best life that is POSSIBLE, no matter your age nor where you are in life!
Love & light
Monica.
Thanks for your kind words, Monica; I love your strength and the positive light you bring here with being so open about your own journey and the experiences you share here. I'm so glad you've joined us here 🙂
This is sound advice. More and more I believe it is best to be democratic about dating. Treat the guy who we really like the same way we would treat the one whom we can take or leave. Not to play games but to keep our sanity. It's natural and OK to really like someone but if they don't feel the same way, they are not worth the emotional investment. Heck,, they aren't worth even liking for that matter. Matthew Hussey taught me that the best way to be smart about love is to like people who like us back. Unrequited love is a self-sadistic form of torture. Make the guy work for it.
I love the way you put this, Jackie. So simple, yet so true. All too many of us do this to ourselves over and over again, believing this time, it will be different, but until we understand that there is another way to live and love, and that we don't have to do this to ourselves anymore, we get caught up in this proving of ourselves, rather than holding back until he proves himself to be worthy of us!
Wonderful Rebecca
I am so happy for you. And stories like yours are ample demonstration of the the truth that we can start again at any age. In fact having been through the grind and being single again is a blessing in that we know now what we dont want so we are more aware of what we DO want and also in a position to get it. So cheers to all the lovely ladies on this site.
I had written when I first started seeing this wonderful man I now call my boyfriend. I had been through the online dating regime trying to sort through the losers and scammers when I finally met HIM. We have been communicating X 4 months now and have had two actual dates. I know he is "THE ONE" and the main reason is that I can totally be myself around him. Wow, what a refreshing change! Not to mention that he is so kind, considerate, honest, open, and funny. How did I get so lucky? I think my deceased husband & God played a hand in helping me out. Others may not think he good looking but damn he is a real cutie pie in my eyes. BTW I am 58 yrs. old.
I love that you shared this, Rebecca - and your description of what makes him different is absolutely beautiful!! So happy for you, Rebecca - and I have no doubt he is a real cutie pie! 🙂
Totally agree with you, Jane...
Congratulations, Rebecca! Love your story ; )
I know I have been in situation constantly checking my phone to see if he called or not, so i completely understand.I remember a time when I would constantly, say to myself what did I do wrong? I think it wasn't until I understood that I loved myself way to much to let him take advantage. I remember my friends saying that if he loves you than he will work with you not against you. That when I learn that I have to be the woman I want to be and if he doesn't accept me for who I am, than It not going to work because you should never have to sacrifice yourself for someone else.
So very true, Raven - that it's about finding someone who accepts and loves you for who you truly are! It's never about second-guessing ourselves, wondering what we did wrong - although that is where far too many of us seem to go first when we haven't heard from him. Thanks for sharing your experience and the beautiful way you summarized this.
Girls
I am 48 and have just ended a 20 year marriage to a man i now recognise to be a narcissist. I know that the older we get the more difficult it is and sometimes i will talk to a guy just not to feel invisible. But I have found that the more i am aware of my vulnerabilities the more my self esteem grows , the more i exercise my boundaries by being cautious the more confident i feel . Iv come to a peaceful space where i would like to have a relationship but can live with myself if it doesnt happen. The key to this is constantly working to keep the love and joy flowing in my own life, and to consciously focus on keeping the peace. Love and blessings to all .
What you have written here is so beautiful, Ann; it is so real and so full of the reality of what you've been though, how you've come through it and how you have learned to be - and live! - for yourself first, on a daily basis. I know it's not easy, and I'm sure full of bright, clear days, and days that are not as clear. Thank you for sharing.
I think your articles are great, but I'm sort of in a different situation, all these solutions and good ideas seem to be on the most part for people just starting out. I'm 61 and I was in a relationship with a (player, narcissist for 7 years) until I finally opened my eyes and threw him out of the house. I feel awful and am trying to recreate myself into what I should be (myself) but its so tough. Any ideas suggestion, helpful hints, I feel like my life is done.
Thanks
I'm your age and I just ended a ten year relationship with a narcissist. I'm not even sure who I am anymore, but I have started listening to relationship tapes and trying to work on myself first. It's hard to start over at this age, but we have the opportunity to live another 40 years, so hopefully we'll get it right by then.
So true, Jennifer - it is never too late too begin again, no matter where you've been, what you've gone through, or how hard it seems to start over. You will get there!
Your life is never done, my beautiful friend; it is never too late to begin again right where you are. We all learn these hard lessons about who we allow into our lives and how long we let them remain there at different places in our lives, Joan, but the only thing that really matters is that we do! Be so proud of yourself for finally being able to choose you over him and see the reality of what was with your eyes wide open! That took such strength and courage - some women never get there - you did!
So from here, begin right where you are. The past is the past. Learn what you need to learn from it, but then come join yourself in the adventure of the here and now. The present moment. Who are you? What do you like to do? What have you always wanted to try? What are you passionate about? What does that little girl inside you who knows no limits want to be when she grows up? Keep this simple, start with the little things that bring joy and beauty into your life and from there, see what comes. Don't think of this as your life being over, think of this as a precious gift of beginning anew!
I know the fear and anxiety that comes up all too often will try to tell you otherwise - know that that's natural and you're so not alone in feeling like this. Surround yourself with positive, passionate like-minded people and keep the negative ones out. Read books and listen to talks from people who've been there and have found the strength to begin again, too. Susan Jeffers, Byron Katie, Sarah Ban Breathnach are just three authors that come to mind that have written beautiful, inspiring works that you will identify with. And there are so many more.
Find what inspires you and be inspired by it. Find what motivates you and do it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Discover what you are passionate about e. and see how you might even inspire others because of it! Your main goal here is to not give into the fear that can keep you down - and I know that's so much easier said than done - but choose to see the true light of opportunity, the possibilities of dreams that can still come true, and the promise of a new life - your life - that's waiting for you, Joan. Start where you are today, think baby steps, and soon enough, you will look back on this and discover what we all eventually come to see - that there is a reason for everything we go through even if we can't see it at the time.
Much love to you, my beautiful friend. It will get better, one day at a time.
Sorry !! The above should read. ' If a guy really likes you`
If a gut i really likes you he. Will chase you and if he is not into you he wouldn t chase you. End of story.