Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

  • Categories
    • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Finding Love
    • Single Life
    • Inspiration
  • Programs
  • Work With Me
  • Contact Me
  • About
You are here: Home / 2012 / Archives for July 2012

Archives for July 2012

Changes

Leave a Comment

Beautiful woman going through a big change in her life. She is packing and moving boxes.We’re in the middle of moving across the country. And it’s a whole different kind of move when you’re moving a family, two dogs, a lizard, and fish. There are more people and things to consider, with the heart of it being that I have the responsibility of making it as easy a transition as possible.

It’s very different from the moves I used to make as a single girl, in what seems like a short lifetime ago, where my only concern was finding the coolest place to live in with the highest population of single men possible.

Back in those single days, when a married friend of mine would be moving with her family, I was usually full of sadness. Not just because they were leaving me, but also because it was yet another reminder that I was alone, with no family giving me a reason to move.

I was the only person that I moved for, and I didn’t understand anything about that being enough way back then. It just sounded all too lonely when I compared my own life to the ones of my married girlfriends that I wanted so badly.

And so it is that I find myself going back in time and reminiscing about those moves I did back in my single days, when it was only me without much of a care in the world besides when I would finally find Mr. Right and when I thought of each move as an exciting adventure of discovery.

I remember one of my biggest moves was when I took a job transfer to another part of the country. It was so exciting. A chance to meet new people, maybe even the one, was the way I thought of it back then. A new adventure. Oh, it was an adventure all right, and I met someone who I sure thought was the one, only to come face to face with the reality of just how badly a heart can be broken when you let someone in too soon and stay far too long for your heart and soul’s own good.

Then there was the move back home, but to a new home, to a place where I would start my journey of discovery of myself, after finally landing back on my feet after more tears had been shed over another him than could fill the entire ocean. Beginning again, finding my way, making a life for myself as an individual when all my hopes and dreams for my life had been caught up in a him who could never have lived up to my misguided expectations.

And finally, there was the move when I packed up all my belongings in the back of my little Honda Civic and headed off to the land of sunshine in Southern California, full of anticipation that this was finally going to be my time, my adventure, my time to finally find myself … and him. And that was exactly where I did find him, but not before I had finally found myself for the first time in my life, in a way that I had never understood was necessary before.

But this isn’t just about me. It’s about what I learned along the way. It’s about what I understand now about how it all fits together in a way that can only be understood with the gift of hindsight and having been there before in every sense of the word. It’s what I wish I had understood and known way back at the beginning of it all.

It’s about seasons.

And how each and every season of life has a purpose and a meaning and a reason. Even the ones we don’t want to be in or wish would end before they even begin. Especially the ones where we can’t figure out the why of them. Especially those where we just want to be on to the next one. Each season is necessary on some level to take you through to the next one, even if it doesn’t make sense at the time. The point is, when you look back, you’ll understand, you’ll see, you’ll see why. There’s a reason. But so often we fight the reality of the season that we’re in, questioning the wisdom of anyone who dare suggest it’s part of our story. We don’t want that part of our story, much less to acknowledge that it might be a necessary one.

It’s a simple message, but embracing it is anything but simple: Don’t get so caught up in the next season of life that you forget to enjoy the one you’re currently in.

Each season has its upsides and downsides. So often when we’re in it, wishing we were anywhere but where we are right now, we don’t see any of the good in it. We don’t see the wonderful things about it. But it’s all there. In this single season of your life, there’s the freedoms, that lack of responsibility, the ability to do anything without taking into consideration the rest of a family or other people (or animals) involved. The abundance of time you can spend focusing solely on yourself without having anyone else to pull you away from discovering and embracing the you that you truly are inside.

I get that it’s all too lonely too much of the time. I get that it’s hard to enjoy the now when you’re scared there never will be a next. All those fears that surface that keep us looking forward to that next season, the one where we will finally no longer be alone, that we can’t even enjoy all the benefits of the now.

But stop right there. Don’t look ahead anymore. It’s your time right now. Right here, right now. It’s time to embrace it even with the fear, the unknown, and with all its uncertainties. To enjoy, to embrace, to live life to its fullest right now. The rest will all happen in due time. Just as it is meant to be.

But for now, this season is yours, too. Don’t wait until you’re looking back to enjoy where you’re at right now. This is the season of your life known as YOU!

It's Time to Be Selfish

10 Comments

It's time to be selfish - Road sign pointing in different directions to "I want", "You want" "We want", and "They want".I know; we've all been brought up to be very good little girls. And we've become very well-behaved women. We learned well that we were to put others needs before our own, and not be selfish. And we've done just that, haven't we.

We're oh so good at meeting everyone's needs except our own. We know all too well how to take care of other people, especially the men in our lives that we've made so many excuses for over the years. We can cater to everyone else with an amazing sensitivity to what they need, and we know how to make them feel good about themselves.

But in the process there's someone whose needs we've overlooked over and over and over again; yes, I'm talking about you.  And the role you play all too well. At the expense of yourself and your own needs.Continue Reading

Beautiful Goodbye

6 Comments

Sad beautiful woman checking phone after boyfriend broke up with her over text.
With each goodbye we lose hope.

I recently went searching for a song that I couldn't quite remember but couldn’t get out of my head, and I finally found it… A Beautiful Goodbye, by Amanda Marshall. She's a Canadian singer from a decade or so ago whose passion for life and love came through over and over again in her songs.

It got me thinking about the goodbyes that we all experience in our lives, the ones that let go of us, the ones we let go of, and the ones we should let go of and don't, and I realized that these lyrics just said everything that I was thinking about perfectly.

I turned up the volume and found myself going back in time. Back to my own painful goodbyes that were so rarely of my own choosing, but were all part of my learning and growing process, even if nothing could have convinced me of that at the time. As I listened to each of her words, everything came flooding back in a swell of tears and emotion.

It made me realize that every time there had been a goodbye, a goodbye that seemed so insignificant to him, every single time, was so painfully heart wrenching for me. As if he had just reached into me and torn my heart right out. For him, it always seemed, it was nothing more than a casual goodbye. And many times there wasn't even a formal goodbye - it just more or less dissolved until it was apparent to me that we just weren't dating any more. I was left alone again with nothing but my broken heart.

But for all of their casual nonchalance, for me it was nothing less than my world crashing down around me. It wasn’t just about me having to let go of yet another relationship that hadn’t kept up to its full potential (which was more of my own making in my own fantasy in my head, than the reality of what the relationship actually was), it was about losing my hopes, my dreams, my fantasies; all those things that little girl inside of me still believed, still wanted. And with each goodbye, with each end, I was losing hope.

As I finished listening to the song, I imagined all the pain and heartbreak of every woman who has ever experienced that kind of goodbye, where she doesn’t realize that it’s not just about the end of a relationship, but in some way, it’s actually the end of a little bit more of her. I don’t think it’s just an accident that Amanda Marshall is singing from a rooftop in the video, or that the scraps of paper are falling to the ground below, or that the wine glass finally falls so gracefully, yet forcefully from the sky to shatter into a million pieces on the ground below, just like our hearts. It's never just about a goodbye, it's about so much more than that. It's our very hearts and souls on the line.

How is it that we allow someone into our lives with such ease and without questioning whether or not they are worthy of being in any kind of a relationship with us before we let them in? How do we forget that we are worth so much more than that? What about you? What about your life? Your passions? Your soul? Your gifts to the world? Your you!

These men who end up saying goodbye, or who never say the words but just disappear from our lives, are so not worthy of any of those beautiful parts of your heart and soul! It's time to let them go. To stop letting them in in the first place. It's time to take back your own power, even if it feels like you no longer have any. It's still all there. It might be buried so deep down inside that you've forgotten you have any, but believe me, it's still there.

This is about you now. It's time to start making choices that are in the best interests of you. So let them go.

Stop the settling for anything less than you deserve to be treated. If he doesn’t treat you like the beautiful woman you are, refuse to settle for those kinds of crumbs. Be absolutely clear first with yourself on how exactly you deserve to be treated, and get that crystal clear before you even accept a date with a guy, and then, and only then, observe his character, see how he treats you - what he says and does - and don’t give him anything of yourself until he shows you that he’s worthy of all that you have to offer. Not anything.

Let him prove his worth to you. Let him show you what he has to offer. Watch and observe. Don’t give yourself away. Not emotionally, not physically, not mentally, not in any way no matter how amazing he seems. Until you know him well enough to consider letting him in. And then only on your terms. Not on his. Because you are the one who has worth. You are the one with everything to offer. Let him prove to you that he is deserving of you, not the other way around.

You, beautiful, radiant, loving you, deserve nothing less than this!

Boundaries

11 Comments

Set and respect your boundaries in a relationship. Beautiful woman standing by her personal boundaries by setting boundaries in relationships. Here's what you need to know to get him to respect your boundaries. 

Looking back, I realize that one of the things that most contributed to my many rocky relationship roller coaster rides was the whole thing about boundaries, or, more accurately, the lack thereof.

Although there are many different definitions and ideas out there about what boundaries are and aren’t (and a whole bunch of self-help books on that exact subject to go along with it), the simplest way to think of boundaries regarding these relationships we’re in is this question: At what point do we stand up and let someone know we are not okay with something they are doing?

Sound simple?

Continue Reading

Why Hasn't He Called?

19 Comments

A beautiful woman is sitting On Couch At Home anxiously looking at her phone wondering why he hasn't responded.
I thought we hit it off - why hasn't he called me?

Of all the questions I'm asked, the most common one is about what to do when he hasn't called. There's something about that unfinished business, about being left hanging without an explanation that leaves even the most confident of us wondering what we did wrong, and whether or not we should try to contact him to elicit some kind of an answer.

We all share the same story line: You met a great guy, you really hit it off, maybe even went on a date or two, then nothing. No phone call, no explanation, just a silent phone. Every time the phone rings your heart rate shoots up as you grab for your phone, only to see that it's your friend or your Mom calling, as  your hearts sinks back into your stomach (sorry Mom!)

It's the same story.

The other part of the story that is always the same, is that we've convinced ourselves our situation is unique, unlike every other woman's experience with the guy who hasn't called. But the reality is that our story is exactly the same as all of the many, many women around the world, and through the ages, that have experienced the same thing. We just don't want to hear it or believe it.Continue Reading

Fireworks!

2 Comments

Are you feeling the fireworks in your relationship? Man and woman silhouette kissing in front of a fireworks displayOn this most American of all American holidays, as I prepare to enjoy the festivities of this beautiful Summer day, culminating in a grand display of fireworks lighting up the night sky over the bay late this evening, I can't help but think of the meaning of fireworks as it pertains to our love lives. Why is it that we refer to that initial feeling of love, those butterflies, that excitement, as fireworks? It’s probably because the explosive, beautiful, surprising, loud, scary exhilaration we feel when watching fireworks is the closest we can come to describing that feeling of early love that we all so long for.

Instant fireworks.

You see, I used to think that if there weren't some instant fireworks, that instant chemistry between me and a guy, well then there just wasn't any reason to continue seeing him.  What I didn't get back then, was that those incredible fireworks that made my heart all aflutter and gave me butterflies in my stomach was actually more about the initial surface attraction and infatuation than about any real intimate connection. It's more about our own insecurities and the elation of being chosen than it is about anything to do with real love.

When I think of some of the guys who I never gave a second chance to, much less a second date, because they didn't elicit those feelings in me, I realize that they might have very well been the ones who would have made the wonderful, caring husband that I truly wanted, as well as the wonderful, caring father to my future children.  The irony is that the ones that were off the Richter scale for me in terms of fireworks, were the ones who were the least healthy, were the most into playing games, and were the fastest to fizzle out after that initial display quickly turned into the grand finale, after which we found ourselves with little in common.

Are early fireworks necessary?

The end result was always the same, with me holding onto nothing more than that initial feeling, hoping to somehow build a relationship around something with no real substance.  Of course that never happened, and each experience only made me waste more time and energy on someone that wasn't right for me while I was missing out on a possible real relationship with someone who had so much more beneath the surface to offer me, only for the lack of initial fireworks.

What I realized in the end, looking back now on those days, was that what I really should have been looking for was a balance between the two. Enough attraction to make me interested (because we all know that there needs to be at least some level of he's kind of cute), but more of the real thing underneath all the hoopla that we often are programmed by the media and our fairy tales to believe love is all about.

No substance.

All too often we think that if we don't have all that in the beginning, there's nothing there worth pursuing.  But the exact opposite is true.  There's nothing more exciting than discovering how attractive and how amazing a connection you can have based on the type of intimacy and attraction that comes from getting to know a real person who is into you as much as you're into them. A real person who is kind, caring, and connects with you on a deep level.

The problem is that we often don't get to the point where we can actually experience that kind of attraction and real love because we get so hung up on having that connection right off the bat. Think about what your girlfriends ask when you go out with a guy for the first time: Were there sparks? Did you feel it?  We're so programmed to look at the surface parts of what we call love that we don't even realize that no relationship can ever be sustained over time with just those initial fireworks. Without the substance of a true solid foundation, those fireworks will be over as quickly as tonight's grand finale.

It's about so much more than that.

It's about so much more than initial fireworks.  It's about the real thing underneath.  The stuff that really matters at the end of the day.  Because at the end of the day, what matters is how much he loves you, how much he cares about you, how much he's willing to participate in a marriage partnership with you where both of you share the responsibilities of running a home and possibly raising a family together. The stuff of real life with its messy moments as much as the fun times. That's real love.

And trust me, once you find that deep connection, the fireworks are better than you can imagine.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR MAILING LIST AND I’LL SEND YOU THIS GIFT!

Make Him Adore You Send me the video!

Programs

About Jane Garapick

Hi, I'm Jane Garapick. I'm here to provide inspiration, support and empowerment on the journey to true love. I know what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. And I know for a fact, that your dreams can still come true! Read more...
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

Join Me On Facebook!

Getting to True Love

Popular Posts

A man telling a woman he just wants to be friends. They are standing in a park on a path, out of focus, with the camera looking through branches.

He Just Wants To Be Friends

If you've let him know that you expect the same level of commitment from him that you've given him, and he can't give you the commitment that you're looking for, then there’s only one thing for you to do. A clock is showing that it's time to move on.

Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want

A beautiful woman looks at her phone wondering why he hasn't called.

The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called

You're the one who really has tried everything to get him to come around and fully commit. You're the one who's given him more than enough time to come around and finally make the commitment . A beautiful woman is upset that her boyfriend won't give her the commitment she wants.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Won't Commit

A beautiful woman is being hugged

Will He Ever Want a Committed Relationship? 3 Signs He Might

Image of a man who looks like a player showing signs he's not into you.

14 Warning Signs That He’s Not That in to You

A beautiful woman is looking at her ex boyfriend with his new girlfriend, wondering why he wouldn't commit to her.

Why He'll Commit to Her, But Not to You

A beautiful woman is upset because of the way her boyfriend treats her as he watches TV.

Why He Treats You the Way He Does

Green freeway sign with Commitment written on it.

7 Things I've Learned About Men Who Are Afraid Of Commitment

Attractive young woman awaits a phone call. wondering why he hasn't called.

The Worst Thing You Can Do When He Hasn't Called

As Seen On…

Latest Tweets

Tweets by @JaneGarapick

Recent Comments

  • Heather on Why No Contact NEVER works and what to do instead
  • Emma Verhoog on The Difference Between Giving Up Too Soon and Giving Up Too Much
  • Jin on Three Things You Can Do When He’s Getting Emotionally Distant
  • stavkapro on Your Best Response When You're Not Getting the Commitment You Want
  • Turning Your YouTube Channel Into a Cash Flow. on The REAL Reason He Hasn’t Called
  • Snehal on My Boyfriend Fell Out of Love With Me

Calendar

July 2012
M T W T F S S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jun   Aug »

Copyright © 2025· Getting to True Love, LLC · All rights reserved · Privacy Policy · Refund Policy · Terms of Service

We use cookies to ensure you receive the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are okay with our terms :)Got it!