Have you ever noticed that you attract and are attracted to the level of your own self-esteem?
Like if you’re feeling great about yourself, full of confidence that you really are all that, you’re going to find yourself attracted to that guy in front of you at the grocery checkout line.
But if you’re feeling down, feeling like you’re not all that, maybe you had a less than glowing job review, or you’re put on a few extra pounds that you’re not happy about, then the opposite holds true as well.
And you won’t even see the guy in front of you let alone think about starting up a conversation with him.
One of my favorite all time books is A Woman's Worth, by Marianne Williamson.
Because the whole premise is about how we have so much worth, we just don’t realize it. So what would happen if, when you’re feeling down, you remind yourself that you’re the same person who on a better day would be feeling like you were all that?
What if all it took to feel good about ourselves was the reminder that we’re the same person whether we feel like it or not, it’s just our feelings that have changed? How we’re viewing ourselves. Wouldn’t that make a difference?
The only problem is that it never works to pretend, to play games with ourselves.
I know - I used to try that one too. And it only made me more frustrated that I couldn’t seem to shake the reality part.
Because that’s the point.
It’s not about pretending, it’s about believing it. Really believing it.
That you really are beautiful and will be beautiful to the right guy, not the guy you’re settling for that doesn’t see it and makes you feel less than you really are.
That your plans and your dreams and all the other things you think about really are that achievable and doable.
That you and your opinions and your input on things really do matter.
That your thoughts are important.
That you do have worth, that you do deserve better than what you’ve been settling for, and that it’s not just a “feel good” line.
It’s you.
The essence of you. You have worth because you exist. And that’s the real honest truth. You just don’t know it- yet.
What are your thoughts? Does this resonate with you? Please share your thoughts with all of us in the comments below!
We choose the people we choose to fulfill parts of our past with our caregivers. You attract these people to help heal childhood wounds, through the law of attraction. What you put out is what you get back. If you send out signals of unhealed wounds of you past, you will get someone who will help you heal them. That's why the 1st year is always the best but when they show their true colors you don't like them. But if you look at the reasons you don't like them, you will see those are the exact reasons you have issues with in your caregivers at the root. Fear of abandonment, fear or shame, fear of vulnerability. Even if you had the best upbringing, there are still wounds.
So true, Cassandra. It's never a coincidence when the similarities line up.
Ok world - I need some advice. I am a woman in her mid to late 40's who has spent the past couple of years focusing on myself and making me a priority and loving myself with the help of Jane and her blogs. I am now finding myself to be in a conumdrum due to cicumstance. A very dear person in my life is now single after 15 plus years. We have kept in touch over the past 8 years off and on due to life circumstance. We have complete and absolute chemistry and now going out on an official first date. With that said I am also a woman who has not had 'play time' with a man for a REALLY long time as I do not date a man just for the sake of having someone in my life. Sparks will fly this weekend and heck what do I do as I really would like this one to work out. So how do we keep the reins and let him persue when it's been just way too long and you connect on all levels with this individual. Thank you 🙂
Please do not say if it is meant to be it will happen or things happen for a reason as life has thrown me a few too many curve balls to challenge both of those statements. Hugs 🙂
I have lived enough life now that I know my WORTH!!! This goes for any type of relationship (male, female, co-workers, associates, etc.), if it does not benefit me spiritually andmentally, educate me, grow me, choose me, etc. then their is no room in my life for them!! I LOVE ME SOME ME!! and who does not they can, well you already know what they can do!!!! LIVE LIFE, LAUGH HARD, LOVE with all of your heart!!!!
I can easily relate to this. Over the last week - now I've started to take a step back from talking to this guy who've I known for 5 years n I stopped talking to him on FB so it's i get less ignored n see how he likes it when I don't talk to him
On Sunday at gardening I saw him n I acted calm and started something new which is love myself and I took timeout n I weeded alone and I thought this guy won't talk to me at all & my heart was out there saying if he wants to talk to me he must come to me coz I'm not gonna pursue or talk to him.
On Sunday he came to me n said hello to me n as it was break time I sat next to him in leaving a 5 inch gap n the 2 of us talked for 15mins n he likes my nationality n question me on it like where does your last name come from, countries & he made me a hot chocolate for the first time n I was happy to talk n be with him. I showed my princess side of me. It felt like he was Prince Charming n people know I like him
As gardening came to an end I was a bit sad & I told him we will keep in touch on FB in a happy way & he said we will 🙂 had photos taken n gave me n everyone a free hug n said goodbye to me. I thought to myself I wish he could be my boyfriend?
Then I thought from now on at gardening I will love myself so he can see I'm not interested in him but I am n I'm gonna let him chase me. From this week onwards I'm not gonna chat to him on FB n let him do the start of convos so I know he's telling the truth. I thought if i love myself more it could attract him to me. I ask myself should I send him an email? & or give my number to him or should he ask for my number?
I ask myself this Q I wonder what will happen at the next gardening, will it be a date, will he ask me out, I found out he goes up my way frequently n I wouldn't mind joining him for a coffee 1 day like a coffee date. I think he could be the 1 for me as he matches my standards.
I feel crazy and obsessed about him. He's the only man who can make me happy n I've never met anyone like him b4.
Idk what to do? Give him my number by email, say thanks on FB/email or wait for him to start a convo and knowing what will happen next at gardening. I'm very crazy about him as a friend
Slow down Courtney....don't give him anything....let him do the chasing! Let him ask for your number....we as women sometimes get in a hurry!!! You said something that is a negative "He's the ony man who can make me happy", No ma'm you make yourself happy first, be happy with YOU!!! If he can make you happy then he can also make you sad!! You will give you power away!! Again you are the only person that can make yourself happy or sad by what we choice to do or feel. If he wants you, he know where you are!! Again allow him to find you and ask you!!
I seem to get in to the rut of choosing woman that never choose me back, they just want a bit of fun and when they are bored or had enough move on to someone else, which recently happened.......again! Mind u she said from the start she treats guys like c**p.
Why do I keep picking the same kind of people, is it becuz I'm emotionally unavailable myself?.
I admit I have never felt 100% with myself, I don't feel I am good looking enough for someone, lack confidence and have pretty low moral, maybe that's why I am coming up to being 38 and am still single with no kids.
The thought of being on my own for the rest of my life does make feel down but as the saying goes if ur not happy with urself, how can I make someone else happy? Whether this is down to failed relationships with the wrong woman I just dont know.
You're onto something.
You said you don't feel like you're attractive enough and you have low self-esteem. Start right there. Why do you feel that way? When did you start feeling like that or believing that? Meditations where you ask yourself the question, close your eyes and let images, memories, or sounds show up are extremely helpful to figure out the source of these thoughts and feelings.
Then you can remember every single woman that meant something to you and write about the experience with each one separately. What attracted you to her, how she responded, how it progressed, how you felt and how it ended. When you're done, try and find the pattern. Usually the pattern will be like a broken record of a belief and or an old memory.
I suggest you look up a video by Teal Swan titled "why you keep choosing the wrong person in relationships". It gives a very good overview of how it works. You might get more insight there and understand yourself better as well as what it is you actually are looking for.
Good luck
Start working in the new YOU. You deserve all the love, you are great! Give yourself some time to get to know the other person, and most than all, never believe that the one you are dating share your feelings and values. You better keep the expectations, you better wait for her performance, so you won´t be disappointed again.
I think you should examine how you were treated as a little boy by your parents, or primary caregivers. You'll find your answer there. I'm pretty much 100% sure.
Sometimes we choose people because they are so good at convincing us that they are the mask they wear until its evident that their true self is very different from the mask. Not all choices are a reflection of something deficient in us.
That is very true Jackie - especially if they are a soft and gentle 'charmer'!
This is so true Jackie. I am so tired of being told I'm doing something wrong/ my self love is insufficient, because I encounter people who are absolutely wearing masks.