Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
There’s a word that keeps coming up.
On my calls. In my inbox. In the heartbreaking comments I read from you here on the blog and on social media.
I hear it when you tell me things like:
No one sees like you.
No one hears like you.
No one thinks like you.
No one feels like you.
You see what everyone else says to just ignore. Because you can’t ignore it!
You hear what everyone says is just you picking up on something that isn’t there. It doesn’t go away.Continue Reading
We've all had those pivotal moments in our lives when we're provided with a contrast so opposite to the situation we've found ourselves in, that we can't help but question why we're still there.
They remind us not everyone will treat us the way we've become so used to. They give us hope.
And they provide us with something to look back on when we try to make sense of it all.
One of those moments for me was at a hockey game with my boyfriend at the time, this guy I felt so beaten down by (he was the one who also made me literally sick at the end.)
Yeah. That one.
It was during one of the intermissions where I went to the concessions by myself and to have someone smile at me - another man smile at me, say something nice to me, be kind to me - it felt like such a rare thing.
I felt so grateful, overly grateful, and as proof of how beaten down I’d become, I was thinking, you’re so kind.
You’re so nice to me.Continue Reading
Did you feel that one?
I know I did.
It starts as a memory. A memory we feel down to the very core of our being. “I’m so disappointed in you.”
And then it carries over into every part of our lives for a long, long time.
It’s a cycle. A pattern that’s easily predictable.
You disappoint someone – because you will, you know. And it all comes back.
But why is this all your responsibility? Isn’t it equally shared by the person who has such unrealistic standards of perfection for you that they can even dare to stand there from a position of “I’m disappointed in you”?
Why is this not on them? Why is it all on you?Continue Reading
Who benefits from you believing you have to be perfect to be loved? Who gets rewarded when you hold the belief that you have to be something different than who you already are to "get" a guy, especially one of the good ones?
Who?
Is it you?
No, of course not.
These beliefs only keep you striving, trying too hard, discontented, lost, constantly searching for how to be better, different, and more perfect than who you already are.
We spend all our time, energy and money trying to gain that illusion of perfection that we don't even realize is only an illusion because we believe if we finally get it right, everything else will suddenly fall into place.
All those messages we've been told from the time we were old enough to read or watch TV or be marketed to in so many different ways, they've all told us the same thing.Continue Reading
You were never supposed to fit in.
Not the way you thought.
You with your one of a kind way of seeing the world.
You with your own unique essence of being in the world. No, you were never supposed to fit in.
You know why you feel like there must be something wrong with you?
Because everyone's been trying to get you to conform and fit in the way they wanted you to your entire life.
Now imagine you trying to go against the grain and resist that when that's all you've ever had reinforced for you.
Not easy, is it? Continue Reading
I've been judged my entire life. Some of you know this about me, most of you don't.
My worth was equated with being perfect.
When you have a dad who's a minister, you have to be. Picking up early on what it meant to be loved in my family, I learned to conform and earned the label of the perfect one, while my older sister rebelled against that conformity and was forced to leave our house when she was 14 years old.
I was 9 years old and the day I learned my parents had chosen my dad's church and upholding their image over their own daughter, I also learned that my perfect label wasn't just a label; it was a matter of life as I knew it or the very opposite.
It was confirmed for me that my worst fear as a child could happen; I could lose their love.
From that moment, I chose security and hid my true self until I left the country for college after I graduated high school.Continue Reading
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