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He Ghosted Me. What happened?

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her.
I haven't heard back in more than a week.

What do you do when the guy you've been seeing for three months ghosts you and just disappears?

Poof. Nothing. He ghosted you!

That's what happened to Anna who wrote me last week with two words in her subject line.

What happened?

I know exactly what happened and I'm going to tell her and you below.

But first, here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I've been in contact with this guy who showed all signs of interest and said such sweet things to me. Things said at a start of a relationship.

Though we talked on the phone it would be at long intervals and I noticed I was the one initiating each conversation but he was always happy to talk to me. We did not meet in person a lot, about 4 times in 3 months.Continue Reading

How does he fall out of love so easily?

4 Comments

Woman sad over breakup looking at mobile phone on the city bus wondering why he doesn't love her
What I really want is closure

Have you ever wondered why this happens? You're not the only one. Read on to find out what I have to say about this!

Her email:

Hi Jane,

I am writing this to let out some steam as I don't have many friends and really have no one to talk to.

March 2020, in the first week of lockdown, I was suggested to use dating apps by my parent's to get to know more people and see if anything develops. As I am extremely introverted and like to spend majority of my time alone.

On the first week of using a dating app, I met him.

We added each other's contact information and had on and off short conversations into July when he had added my Instagram. I never initiated any of the conversations and gave short replies as I was still very skeptical of online dating and because of my shy nature, I didn't know how to start the conversations.Continue Reading

Friends to lovers to I don't know

4 Comments

Worried woman talking with boyfriend
Was I wrong to tell him how I feel?

Our letter this week comes from Kayla, who doesn't know what to make of the friendship/relationship she's been in with a guy for the past 4 years, and is looking for some help to understand what happened and what she can do to get him back.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I've been stuck in a never ending spiral that's worsened these past few months and feel completely out of control of my life and my feelings.

To give some background information, I have been friends with this guy for 4 years, from the end of high school to now, in college. Our relationship has always been flirtatious and full of banter and making jabs at each other.

Through him, I became best friends with his friends.

Recently, we've taken a couple steps forward from our initial friendship. Sure we've had moments in the past where it was this back and forth 'will they, won't they' situation, but nothing ever solid came from anything (and to be quite honest, because he would always pull back).Continue Reading

One guy; really?

8 Comments

Beautiful woman looking out the window on a rainy day, wondering if it serves her.
It's time to look at it for what it really is.

He's one guy.

I get that.

One really important guy you've pinned all your hopes and dreams on.

I get that, too.

But because one person isn't capable of seeing you, you're going to let that one person define your worth?

No! Not this time and not any other time either.

We're done doing that. We've done that too many times already.

Take him down off that pedestal right now, girl, and take a look at what you've actually got.

The real picture, not the fantasy of "but you don't know him like I do" that you keep coming back to. I DO know him like you do because guys like him are the ONLY ones I'd ever known before I finally did something about it and they all follow a familiar pattern.

Someone who breaks your heart over and over again.

Someone who triggers every one of your blind spots so you can't even see why it's happening. (Get my program WHY MEN PULL AWAY if you want to finally understand why.)

Sure, those good times feel great. Sure, he's got a ton of potential. But there's more to life than potential that breaks your heart every single day, more to life than tears and loneliness and waiting for something to change.

Whatever happened to the woman you used to be who would NEVER allow herself to be treated this way?

Love,

Jane

Whatever happened to her? We all have our stories, our reasons why we've settled for the things that we do. Share yours here in the comments so we can make her more than just a memory again. I want to bring you back to the woman you used to be who stands in her power and NEVER allows herself to be treated this way!

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