Getting to TRUE Love

Finding your YOU that leads to TWO

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Is this you?

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sad woman walking on the city street at sunset
You mean I have a voice?

If you've never had someone model boundaries for you, if you've never learned how to find your own voice - and use it, there's something you need to know about finding it.

It's not easy. It won't feel natural. And you'll wonder if it's okay to have discovered this at all.

See, no one ever tells you how uncomfortable, how completely out of your comfort zone it’s going to be for you to learn a new language that includes the “I” statements you’ve never learned.

“I feel”.

“I need”.

“I want”.

“I hear”.

“I know”.

“I am”.

“I’m not”.

The list goes on and on.Continue Reading

What's your why?

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The words what's your why written on white paper.
It's the most important question you can answer.

That's it.

That's the most important question you can answer that's going to bring you the results you're looking for.

Every day, you tell me your stories of why you do the things you do, why you can't stop doing those things, why what you believe is just the way it is and why you've given up on hoping it's ever going to be any different for you.

I listen. And then I ask you that most important question you NEED to answer before ANYTHING is going to be different for you.

Why?

Why are you too old?

Why are you so unique that you're going to be the one person that never finds anyone while everyone else does?Continue Reading

Your One Thing

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A woman is looking up at question marks above her head.
What's yours?

I started a coaching session with a woman yesterday with the same question I've got for you.

Like most of us who've been here, she's got a guy she's hearing less and less from and is struggling to get over him once and for all.

I knew this was going to be a long session and I wanted to get to the heart of the matter to get her some relief right away, so I narrowed it down to one single question whose answer stood out as soon as she told me her story. I needed her to make this connection so she could see the significance of it, too.

What is the one skill you feel you're lacking? Or, put another way, what is the one thing you wish you could do that would make you feel so much better right now?Continue Reading

Am I Blocking Love?

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A beautfiul woman is feeling anxiety over asking for what she needs.
I think I may be sabotaging my own love life.

Our letter this week comes from Maya, who's wondering if she may be blocking love from her life.

Here's what she had to say and my response:

Hello Jane,

Thank you for all the great emails and answers I have read till now. They are really helpful to get more and more insight.

I would really like to know your idea about this since I feel I need an outer perspective.

In short, a bit of my background.

Growing up I became a people-pleaser to avoid violence. And I got scared and always looked outside myself for love, running after men. Of course with the wrong results.

Went from abusive men to boring men.Continue Reading

HELP!!! My narcissist ex bought the house next to mine!

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A woman is holding her head, exasperated, wondering why he wants to slow things down.
Avoiding him will be almost impossible!

Whenever I see a letter with capital letters and exclamation marks, I know this is a woman who desperately needs our help. Not just my help, but our whole community here. And that's exactly what I found in the email that landed in my inbox from Stacey.

Here's what she wrote:

HELP!!!

How am I supposed to deal with the emotions that I'm feeling now that I've finally ended my relationship of 6 years with a narcissist and he's bought the house right next door to mine?

NO contact is almost impossible.

I'm desperate for advice.

- StaceyContinue Reading

Wondering why this seems so hard? Here's your reason.

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slender long-haired woman wearing white summer dress while walking on a green meadow towards a bright and sunny horizon.
This is how you right this wrong.

If this all seems so difficult to you, there's a reason.

It's because what we're essentially doing here is creating what we're looking for. We don't have a model for it. We haven't seen it before. We don't know what it looks like - at least not for ourselves.

We only have what we've been told it's like and what people describe to us it's going to look like when we find it.

The rest comes from us.

We have to get clear enough ourselves on what it is we're looking for so that we'll even be able to recognize it when it's in front of us.

We have to believe it's possible, by believing what we know was possible within ourselves and within people we've only heard stories about how it happened for them.

Continue Reading

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