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He Ghosted Me. What happened?

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her.
I haven't heard back in more than a week.

What do you do when the guy you've been seeing for three months ghosts you and just disappears?

Poof. Nothing. He ghosted you!

That's what happened to Anna who wrote me last week with two words in her subject line.

What happened?

I know exactly what happened and I'm going to tell her and you below.

But first, here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I've been in contact with this guy who showed all signs of interest and said such sweet things to me. Things said at a start of a relationship.

Though we talked on the phone it would be at long intervals and I noticed I was the one initiating each conversation but he was always happy to talk to me. We did not meet in person a lot, about 4 times in 3 months.Continue Reading

How does he fall out of love so easily?

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Woman sad over breakup looking at mobile phone on the city bus wondering why he doesn't love her
What I really want is closure

Have you ever wondered why this happens? You're not the only one. Read on to find out what I have to say about this!

Her email:

Hi Jane,

I am writing this to let out some steam as I don't have many friends and really have no one to talk to.

March 2020, in the first week of lockdown, I was suggested to use dating apps by my parent's to get to know more people and see if anything develops. As I am extremely introverted and like to spend majority of my time alone.

On the first week of using a dating app, I met him.

We added each other's contact information and had on and off short conversations into July when he had added my Instagram. I never initiated any of the conversations and gave short replies as I was still very skeptical of online dating and because of my shy nature, I didn't know how to start the conversations.Continue Reading

Friends to lovers to I don't know

4 Comments

Worried woman talking with boyfriend
Was I wrong to tell him how I feel?

Our letter this week comes from Kayla, who doesn't know what to make of the friendship/relationship she's been in with a guy for the past 4 years, and is looking for some help to understand what happened and what she can do to get him back.

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

I've been stuck in a never ending spiral that's worsened these past few months and feel completely out of control of my life and my feelings.

To give some background information, I have been friends with this guy for 4 years, from the end of high school to now, in college. Our relationship has always been flirtatious and full of banter and making jabs at each other.

Through him, I became best friends with his friends.

Recently, we've taken a couple steps forward from our initial friendship. Sure we've had moments in the past where it was this back and forth 'will they, won't they' situation, but nothing ever solid came from anything (and to be quite honest, because he would always pull back).Continue Reading

What No One Ever Told You About Attraction and Compatibility

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Silhouette of a woman and a man about to kiss, symbolizing love.
Yes, attraction is very important, but...

I work with a lot of divorced women who are doing this the second time around. And there's a pattern I've noticed.

The guy they chose their first time around isn't the one they're choosing this time. What they learned about their first choice is influencing their second choice.

Whether this is your own first search or you're like them, doing this the second time around, I've got something invaluable to tell you to help you in your own search.

If you're a deep and sensitive person and choose the macho guys-guy kind of men, unless you've changed who you are, your next guy needs to be a deep and sensitive guy, too. These women have found that just because their original guy lit them up because he was so different from them and they were like, "Hey, what's it like to be you?!" doesn't mean they're actually compatible with this type of guy.Continue Reading

Should I Take Him Back?

21 Comments

A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her.
Is there a chance he means it this time?

Beautiful Tania is wondering if she should take back her boyfriend of almost 9 years, or if he's just going to keep on doing the same things that have left her heartbroken in the past.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane

For the past 8 to 9 years I have been in a toxic relationship, yet I stay, as I can see the good in him.

Most women would've left and I myself would've left if I was a younger version of myself. I am unsure of what keeps me in it, it could be that after me leaving all of my previous relationships that I have now developed a belief that I need to try harder, combined with a fantasy of this guy while he was with his previous partner.

I saw him be so attentive to her and wanted that kind of relationship for myself.

He has 3 children, 2 girls and 1 boy, to his previous relationship and I have 2 girls to my previous relationship. It all started good, as relationships usually do, and then he decided to over rule me and my decisions about whether my eldest was allowed to sit in the front seat of the car or not.Continue Reading

I Feel Like He's Pulling Away

8 Comments

A beautiful woman leans her head against a tree, looking unsure.
My gut tells me there's also someone else.

The subject line was clear: Am I a seat filler? I knew exactly what she meant.  Ever had to wonder about that yourself? Well, Rose is wondering that now.

Here's what she told me:

Hi Jane,

I really need your perspective on this one.

So I met this guy about a month ago at a wedding, the first minute we met our eyes locked for a moment, the way he looked and smiled at me felt like I was the only woman in the room.

He later asked for my number which I gave it to him, it was my cousin's wedding so I was very busy making sure everything was going smoothly and as a result I never got a chance to talk to the guy up until the wedding was over.Continue Reading

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