Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
"I'm ready to do the work" she said. "I'm ready to fix this."
"I sabotaged it - I was so insecure and anxious. I did this. Now I only have myself to blame. Can you help me get him back?"
It wasn't her fault. And no, it didn't require any more "working on herself".
Because it wasn't hers to fix.
She hadn't sabotaged it. She was insecure and anxious BECAUSE he gave her reason to be. NOT because she was this way for no reason.
She didn't do this. She wasn't to blame.Continue Reading
If you're ready to give up, I'll give up with you.
I'll stand beside you, I'll be right there with you. You won't be alone. We'll do this together.
You don't have to try so hard anymore. You don't have to keep the struggle alive.
The fact that it's so much of a struggle at all is telling you something.
Let go. Let it all go.
Turn it over to God or the Universe or some higher power that's always partnering WITH you for what's best FOR you.
Stop trying so hard. Start over.
A roof over your head. Food & water. Heat and cooling. It's Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. You start with the basics. Physical/physiological needs.
Safety. Security. Within yourself. From you, not anyone else. You can't have the rest without making sure you have those.
Now you're ready to make a plan to get all your other needs met. You're here, now. Stay with me.Continue Reading
Give up trying to be that girl who has everything you want.
Give up trying to be that girl who does what you've never been able to do.
Give up trying to be that girl who doesn't have to take life seriously, who never seems to feels the pain, who lives her life for having fun.
Give up trying to be her!
You know who I'm talking about. The one you're comparing yourself to, the one you wish you were, the one you try so hard to be.
"Why can't I be more like her?!" Because you're not her. You're you.
Your journey is your own.
What you've been through is yours.
What you can't unsee is a part of that journey.
How it's changed you, how it's molded you, is all of you.Continue Reading
I have one question for you today.
Do you have people in your life who actually see you? Who embrace you, who celebrate you? The real you - not the image you put out there because that's who you've been told you are, but the actual you?
Since you're here, I'm assuming you've only known relationships with men who were never the right ones for you, who had no place in your life.
I want to change that for you.
We need to create some semblance of what it feels like to be loved and accepted and adored for you. If you've never experienced anything like this before, we're going to start fresh as if today is the first day of the new you.
The you who loves to dance, who loves to move, who hears the music all around you and believes in a different world from the one you've been through.Continue Reading
She said she can’t let go. She needs him to let her go instead because she’s not strong enough to do it.
Okay, so I hear her and I hear all of her echoing where you are and what you feel. The pull you feel is too strong. The good stuff you get from this guy is too good and the bad stuff, while it breaks your heart, well, you can justify it as long as you keep focusing on the good parts.
So here’s what you need to hear today if you’re going to change this. Because no, he's not going to change this. He's not going to be the one to let you go if he hasn't already.
Why would he? Girl, he's got it soooo good with you!
Do this instead.Continue Reading
It's one of the most seemingly benign things that I teach my coaching clients early, but it's a consequential one.
Learning to say "no" in your own voice, in your own way.
Gently, but firmly.
The most important part is that it's in your own voice in a way that reflects your own personality, in a way that you feel comfortable owning it.
If it's only what someone else tells you to say, it won't have the same effect. You have to practice this until it comes naturally from you!
Don't explain, don't defend. Say it again clearly if you need to.
See, when you've been told your whole life you're not allowed to have boundaries, when you've been conditioned to make everyone else feel good regardless of how you feel, one of the hardest things you'll ever do is risk disappointing someone by saying the words they least want to hear - you saying "no".
But if you're going to find the right ones for you, you've got to make sure you can say no to the wrong ones first!
One small step in the right direction. Yes, it does start with something this simple.
And if you need help with this, just let me know.
Love,
Jane
How about you, Beautiful? Do you have a hard time saying "no"? Share your feelings, experiences and struggles with us below in the comments!
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