Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
I've got a simple one for you today.
Prove it.
Prove it to yourself.
The one thing you're holding onto as your reason for not doing what it is you actually want to do. The one thing you don't believe you can be. The one thing you don't believe you can have.
Prove yourself right.
Because this is a theme that comes up time and time again in my emails and calls with you.
It's woven all throughout your stories.Continue Reading
I have one question for you today.
Do you have people in your life who actually see you? Who embrace you, who celebrate you? The real you - not the image you put out there because that's who you've been told you are, but the actual you?
Since you're here, I'm assuming you've only known relationships with men who were never the right ones for you, who had no place in your life.
I want to change that for you.
We need to create some semblance of what it feels like to be loved and accepted and adored for you. If you've never experienced anything like this before, we're going to start fresh as if today is the first day of the new you.
The you who loves to dance, who loves to move, who hears the music all around you and believes in a different world from the one you've been through.Continue Reading
If it feels like you've been on this search for what seems like forever, you're not alone.
Everyone has their own version of what you're doing wrong, or what you need to be doing instead. Just ask anyone, and the number of different answers you get is enough to make anyone completely confused.
In all my years of coaching women of all ages, from all walks of life, in every corner of the world there's one common denominator that stands out.
What you believe.
The women who find love, who find what they're looking for in life, believe it's possible to find something good.
It may not seem like anything significant, because after all, how does something as intangible as what you believe translate into something as practical as meeting someone? For those of you who live and breathe the practical, the logical and the measurable, it seems almost laughable.
It's one of the most seemingly benign things that I teach my coaching clients early, but it's a consequential one.
Learning to say "no" in your own voice, in your own way.
Gently, but firmly.
The most important part is that it's in your own voice in a way that reflects your own personality, in a way that you feel comfortable owning it.
If it's only what someone else tells you to say, it won't have the same effect. You have to practice this until it comes naturally from you!
Don't explain, don't defend. Say it again clearly if you need to.
See, when you've been told your whole life you're not allowed to have boundaries, when you've been conditioned to make everyone else feel good regardless of how you feel, one of the hardest things you'll ever do is risk disappointing someone by saying the words they least want to hear - you saying "no".
But if you're going to find the right ones for you, you've got to make sure you can say no to the wrong ones first!
One small step in the right direction. Yes, it does start with something this simple.
And if you need help with this, just let me know.
Love,
Jane
How about you, Beautiful? Do you have a hard time saying "no"? Share your feelings, experiences and struggles with us below in the comments!
It's usually after you've tried everything else that you find your way here.
When everyone else has made you feel so much worse for not being able to figure this whole life/love/relationships thing out on your own, and you can now add shame to everything else you feel.
Did they think you didn't want to be able to figure this out on your own?
Of course you did! It's no wonder you have to build up the courage to finally try again.
Maybe this time will be different, but do this enough times and it makes perfect sense why you've resorted to humor or sarcasm or just about any other coping mechanism to hide your pain.
Don't play this game anymore.
This going back to the same people you couldn't count on before to try to get some love and grace, only to feel once more that there's something wrong with you that you can't do the scariest thing; something (anything) different.Continue Reading
Did you feel that one?
I know I did.
It starts as a memory. A memory we feel down to the very core of our being. “I’m so disappointed in you.”
And then it carries over into every part of our lives for a long, long time.
It’s a cycle. A pattern that’s easily predictable.
You disappoint someone – because you will, you know. And it all comes back.
But why is this all your responsibility? Isn’t it equally shared by the person who has such unrealistic standards of perfection for you that they can even dare to stand there from a position of “I’m disappointed in you”?
Why is this not on them? Why is it all on you?Continue Reading
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