Finding your YOU that leads to TWO
We hear it all the time: be your best self! But what does that really mean? How do we be our best selves? We may spend a small fortune on a new wardrobe of all of the latest trendy styles, buy a membership to the best fitness club, or get a sporty new car. But we still feel the same. We might have changed some things but we don’t feel any different. We’re still our same old selves. So why don’t we feel any different? Because that’s not what it’s about.Continue Reading
We all have inherent belief systems, as a result of our early programming, that greatly affect us throughout our lives into adulthood. For a variety of reasons, one of the most prevalent is that we don’t deserve to be loved, and it's this particular one that has the most negative effect on the quality of the relationships that we have.
It’s the belief system that you might not even realize is playing in the back of your mind, in your subconscious, as it subtly reminds you day after day that you are bad, there's something wrong with you, don’t deserve to be happy, and, worst of all, you don’t deserve to be loved!Continue Reading
I made this mistake throughout most of my dating life, as did most of my friends – in fact I think nearly all of us have.
You see, I looked at dating as serving one purpose, and one purpose only: To start a relationship with a guy that I thought could be Mr. Right.
You're probably thinking right now "But that is the purpose of dating, right?" Well, yes and no.
Let me explain.Continue Reading
All too often we overlook the three most important essentials of a real relationship.
Looking back, these seem so obvious to me, but it wasn’t so clear back when I was dating.
Of all the qualities I was looking for in a guy, of all my “must haves” on my quest for finding my own Mr. Right, I didn’t pay nearly enough attention to the three things that I now realize are what actually really matter.
We all have our own lists of “must haves”, but these three should be at the top of everyone’s list.Continue Reading
We've all been there – you've gone on a couple of dates, had a great time, then suddenly, as quickly as it started…silence. Nothing but crickets.
So why did it happen? Why did he just vanish from your life? Well, the truth is, it's because he wasn’t the guy for you. You may have felt it, but it wasn’t there for him.
Maybe he got scared, maybe he found someone else, or maybe he got back with an ex. The truth is it just doesn’t matter. For whatever reason, he decided he’s not the one for you. And that’s good news. Because if he stuck around and you built a foundation around him, and then it crumbled, it would be much, much worse.
I know you want to know the reason why, but what good would it do? Do you really want to hear the truth? That he didn’t find you attractive enough, smart enough, or secure enough? Just think through all of the possibilities, including that he found someone else or got back with an ex, and just go with the one that hurts the least.
It’s actually a gift that he didn’t tell you why – because now you’re in control. You can decide why it ended. It’s him, not you (it really is). And then you can truly move on, and on your own terms. And moving on is the best thing you can do.
If it’s been 4 or 5 days and he hasn’t called, and before that he was calling you every other day or even every day, then the reality is that you don’t want him to call. Because it’s been too long. If he calls now and you’re OK with it, then you’re going backwards. You’re becoming a doormat.
If he calls now and you ream him out for it, and tell him you’ll never accept that kind of behavior again, he might change and start calling you more often. But do you really want a guy who calls you because he doesn’t want to get yelled at? No. You want a guy who calls you because he loves you, and he really likes talking to you. And that guy is out there. Tell Mr. didn’t call for 4 or 5 days that it’s been too long and you’ve moved on. Then move on with your respect and self-esteem intact.
And then go out and find a guy that actually likes to talk to you.
Sometimes the perfect guy for you has been right there all along, you just didn't notice.
Buried in between all the unhealthy relationships that never turned out the way I wanted them to; in between all those heartbreaking dramatic episodes with guys that could never give me what I was so looking for, there were a few men who were what I now recognize as really healthy, relationship material kind of guys.
But at the time I was just not open to seeing them that way; instead I continued to chase the unhealthy romantic fantasies about love that I had in my head.
These were genuinely good guys who were looking for an exclusive relationship, weren't afraid of commitment, were honest, were real and didn't play games.
Guys who would talk about real life everyday topics, would call when they said they were going to call, show up and plan ahead for when we would see each other so I felt confident that I was a priority, and basically treated me the way I actually wanted to be treated.
But because they weren't igniting my own unhealthy chemistry indicator, or maybe because they weren't going full tilt on the romantic pursuit that made me feel so desirable and worthy, they never stood a chance.Continue Reading
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