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Next time you want to know why you keep finding these guys, read this.

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young attractive couple in relationship problem with internet mobile phone addiction boyfriend ignoring sad neglected and bored girlfriend at home couch feeling depressed and lonely
If you have to live like this now ...

Why do we keep finding these guys?

Because we want to.

We want them. Exactly as they are.

They're our projects. Our goals.

We find the hardest guy to get to commit, the one who shows the least signs of settling down and being the family guy, the faithful guy or whatever else it is we say we want so badly but our actions keep showing us the opposite.

And we decide HE'S the guy we want. Why would we ever do that if we really wanted a real relationship with someone capable of loving us?

You're getting what you ACTUALLY want regardless of what you keep saying you want, Beautiful.

Everything about what you're doing by picking these guys is about proving your worth by getting this ungettable guy. If that's not a word already, it fits here perfectly so we're using it.Continue Reading

He Ghosted Me. What happened?

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Close up of womans hand using mobile phone on a bokeh background, symbolizing that her boyfriend doesn't text her.
I haven't heard back in more than a week.

What do you do when the guy you've been seeing for three months ghosts you and just disappears?

Poof. Nothing. He ghosted you!

That's what happened to Anna who wrote me last week with two words in her subject line.

What happened?

I know exactly what happened and I'm going to tell her and you below.

But first, here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I've been in contact with this guy who showed all signs of interest and said such sweet things to me. Things said at a start of a relationship.

Though we talked on the phone it would be at long intervals and I noticed I was the one initiating each conversation but he was always happy to talk to me. We did not meet in person a lot, about 4 times in 3 months.Continue Reading

He says he just wants to hookup – what should I do?

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A romantic couple having a serious conversation on the beach in winter.
He told me he can't offer me than occasional hookups.

I know today's letter is going to resonate with so many of you who've been here before!  Our beautiful friend, Janine, is trying to decide whether to get out now or to accept the terms of a guy she's fallen for who can only give her occasional once-a-month hookups. I know what I think she should do and I'm sharing it with you so you can know too!

Her Story:

Hi Jane,

Firstly, I must say how I love the pearls of wisdom you impart in your blog & on social media. After a break-up at the end of 2020….& with my current situation….so much of what you write and say really resonates with me.

Jane, I have got myself into a ‘casual’ relationship the last couple of months.

Met a man while I was away on holiday at the end of October, we have caught up twice since, even though we live 3 hours apart. We also text msg or talk on the phone most nights.

Last week I spent 3 nights with him at his place.  On the last night while I was there he told me he can’t offer me more than what we’ve got now - the occasional hook-up, once a month.Continue Reading

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