I don't know who told you being single is your punishment for something you did in your past but I do know this; they were wrong.
Who you've been and what you've done is about what you thought you had to do to be loved.
Everything you did - no matter how much you know better now - was about getting someone to love you. Even if you didn't know that back then, even if you're beating yourself up now, holding yourself to some standard of perfection you could never have lived up to back then, this still isn't about some punishment you're wearing like an albatross around your neck!
I lived this way for years. Trying so hard to make the hardest cases to crack actually love me.
I measured my worth by them. The irony was, they had no clue how to love, they couldn't even love themselves, let alone someone with as much light and love as me.
And this quest you're on that most of us don't even realize we've made our mission, it's the same for you!
Stop doing this to yourself, sweet soul.
Stop looking in the places most devoid of love to try to extract some kind of love you think's going to change everything for you if you can just get it from there. You can't and you'll lose yourself trying!
I know it seems easier to keep going because you're so invested. It's not.
If it's not him, you'll find someone else and do the same thing all over again. It's the pattern we've got to change.
Not you, not the guy. The pattern.
It was sold to you on a gold platter. You were told this is how you find the love you've been searching for. They said this is how you feel worthy and finally earn your place in this harsh judgemental culture of ours that's all we've ever known.
They sold you lies but you couldn't have known any of this when you were so desperate for love.
Stop doing this to yourself. Stop telling yourself this is just the way it is because it's some punishment for some unpardonable sins someone else determined they were. These words are so deeply ingrained in our culture but they don't have to be in you.
I'll meet you here with every doubt, every question, every disbelief to show you how much of a lie this has been. There's so much more for you on the other side of these things you don't even realize you're believing that are directing your life, Beautiful. You don't have to live this way anymore!
Love,
Jane
So how about you, Gorgeous? Are you living this way, feeling like you're being punished? Share your story with us below in the comments, I'm here to help.
I guess when I really look at it is being single all that bad? I mean I could be married to someone like my neighbor is married to, the guy's an idiot a drunk he screams and yells at his wife all the time, would I want that just to say hey I've got somebody. I have a lot of friends who have been married and are now divorced and they say they would never get married again. Even though I am single, I can take care of myself. I work I have my own house I have money to do things with, do I really need a man around? It might be nice to have a man or a relationship where I can do things with my boyfriend. Go out to dinner, enjoy long conversations, but I'm not sure that's ever going to happen with me. In the meantime I will keep my eyes open and maybe I will meet somebody, but in the meantime I will enjoy my life I will join meetup groups do things on my own and try to have a wonderful life. If want to go do something like go to the zoo, although it would be nice if my boyfriend and I could go together I'll just go myself. I can't waste my life waiting for some guy to make me happy.
Not all that bad at all, Kelly! As any woman who's been here will tell you, sooooo much better being alone than in a relationship where all you are is lonely!