I'm speaking to every one of you today who's ever been left by some guy who was NEVER good enough for you.
Stop with the "I wasn't good enough", "He's thrown me away", and everything else we say.
No, you haven't been discarded, girl. Don't accept that as your verdict!
You were saved from being with someone who would NEVER have been the one for you unless you were someone else. So choose to either change to be that someone else - or embrace who you already are and accept that you can't make someone want to be with you who isn't looking for you!
This isn't a "prove your worth" game with all the wrong ones; it's a "find someone who's actually compatible with you because he's looking for someone just like you" reality.
Not a game, not a challenge, not a distraction from doing your own work. It's a beautiful life if you choose to stop looking at it in these old no-longer-serving-you ways!
Okay?
Love,
Jane
Tell me you got this message loud and clear in the comments, girl. I see you. I've felt your pain. And no, he still doesn't get to discard you. You were saved for something far better than him!
Thank you! So true! Loud and clear!
I can't get there. I miss him so much. I don't understand why I wasn't what he wanted and I don't believe I'll ever meet anyone else. I loved him with my entire being.
He really did throw me away. I didn't matter at all.
Don't buy into that lie we tell ourselves, MEM. He didn't throw you away. It's not that personal! He only chose differently and his choice reveals he would never EVER have been someone for you!
There's no way he's the only guy in the world left for you, MEM. Don't buy into those lies we're so programmed to believe because they keep us feeling less than and proving our worth and putting up with so much over and over again in the name of what is never real love. I know you loved him. I know you can't see any other clear path through this right now, but it's there, even if you can't see it now. If you weren't what he wanted, there's no way he would have been what you wanted either. It's not personal! It's only the wrong guy for you!
Wow thank you. Really needed this tonight. My heart has gotten so heavy lately and it’s like I’m going through a grieving because I’m tired of going on the same road over and over again. Every relationship just seems to be like the last one just with a different flavor to it. And in the end, I am left asking myself what did I do wrong.
I just wish sometimes that I didn’t love so deeply but maybe it’s that I’ve loved the wrong ones too deeply.
I’m not going to lie, this hurts like hell. But will try with all my might to just remember that someday love is going to feel so right and so good and not this pain that comes with it.
That's how it's going to feel, Diana, even if you can't see it now. And to be clear, the only wrong thing we do is believing someone is capable of changing as if that's solely up to you. Don't change a thing about the way you love - just who you love!
Thanks Jane, I’ve written this over so many times now.
So true, not up to me to bring about any change plus if I had to change him, then it wouldn’t be the real him, just as someone changing me wouldn’t be bringing out the real me.
So yes, I will keep on loving as deeply as I do.
Maybe the adjustment needs to be made where what I accept as ok, even when the guy changes the rules somewhere along our path (which is terribly unfair when a woman is all in due to his reassurances, attention and advances), and while my gut is screaming something is off, and to just let go of the past elusive plan. Tough and heart wrenching to do! but at the same time, I still have and always have had my beautiful life to give attention to. I guess when a guy starts to drift or ghosts, he’s just showing his true colors and really wasn’t who/what he was portraying earlier and so couldn’t keep that up. Must have been exhausting! lol
So, baby steps for me stepping away because it does hurt but that kind of craziness doesn’t have to be my circus.
Omg!!! It’s like you just read my mind!!
I always try. 🙂
I read it but doesnt register...
Your message did help a bit towards getting my fuckn act together.
Sorry for the big word but it felt good to write it.😬
It will, Chantal! We start where we are - and it sounds like you've got some anger in there to listen to. Sadness doesn't change anything the way anger does. Get angry enough to never allow yourself to be treated this way again!
You could be speaking directly to me. I'm proud of myself because a man I care deeply for left, and I know without a doubt it's about his unreadiness and not my worth. I deserve a man who wants to stay by my side and love and adore me. Thanks for the reminder!
Anytime, Barbara! Proud of you, too. ❤
Thank you for your love and support. I finally left my toxic relationship. And started seeing someone new, we dated in the past. Only had 2 dates but I stopped seeing him cause I had insecurities about myself, nothing he did. It was something I needed to work thru, anyways we've only had 2 dates and I finally feel happy around him. We talk and laugh, we have a connection in the emotional sense, its comfortable, easy being with him. Problem I don't know what he thinks of me, am I just a friend to him, or is he interested in me?? Can you please help me with this question, his name is randy, he's a gemini. Thank you
You can't know the answer to this after only two dates. Take your time to get to know him as a human being first before anything else. Think of everything you observe as neutral information to help you decide if he's even someone you want to move forward with. You're doing the choosing, Cheri, not just jumping in with anyone who picks you!
I got lot out of the important information
To help me see red flags and there action
I thank u I receive this message in my mind and heart
Thank I
So glad, Gwendolyn! ❤
This is the Best message yet and it’s true every word of it Thanks Jane!!
You're so welcome, Shirley. Anytime! ❤
Ok
Hearing you, Roberta. Glad it's resonating with you!
Thank you I got this message. It was so on point this morning. I am learning to love myself again while trying to protect my kids. We were together for 13 years and he's been with her for 10 years. My son is 12 and he knows details I don't because his dad hid nothing from him. In fact used him as a way to spend time with her. My daughter is 2 and knows we have separate addresses. I was told he said she was a mistake, now he claims she was not. This is hard for me because I don't trust her around my kids. I have moved to another state so I can find myself and adjust to the break up. My kids are so happy now since I got us a new place to stay but, my heart is heavy and my mind keeps drifting to why me. I know I deserve better but am too scared to allow anyone around my kids. Thanks for the message cause truly it was never me at all.
Never you at all, Mahogany. So glad you're seeing that. You're a good mom, looking out for your kids like this. My heart breaks for all of you. Let your kids be your litmus test for anyone who comes close to you. They're so much closer to their intuition than we've allowed ourselves to be. I have so many happy ending stories of women in situactions like yours who've found good men who loved them and their children. Don't give up hope!❤
So true! This isn't a "prove your worth" game, it’s not an “audition”, and if you think it is because you’re triggered as if it was, that is a sign to stop. Just stop. If you’re lucky you’ll find someone like Jane to go through all this to the other side, to that place where you come form being a whole, worthy person, with the same worthiness as whoever. I wish I had found her wisdom before, like 10 years ago… It would have helped me so much along the process. Because once you realise this is not right and it has to stop, you’re left with a different problem… How to create new, healthy, boundaries when you’ve never had them before, when you’re idea of normal is not only accepting crumbs, but pleading for crumbs… It’s a long, winding journey… And those lifechanging journeys are made to travelled with people who support you.
Aw, thank you, Solange. It is a long, winding journey. And I wish I'd known you, too. ❤
Thank you so much for this post particularly today! It’s early in the morning and I’m walking my dog trying to understand things that happened. He would have never been enough. The drinking, lying, and other things would have eventually been sources of resentment and sadness about time wasted. Thank you very much
That's all they would have been, de elle. Glad you're seeing this. My dogs say "woof" to your dog. Love those early morning walks to start the day!
Awesome! Too true!
That's all they would have been, de elle. Glad you're seeing this. My dogs say "woof" to your dog. Love those early morning walks to start the day!
I totally LOVEEEE ❣️ This message and if US as women embrace our inner self PLUS how darn Amazing We Are... A lot of us can save ourselves from unnecessary people and, pain ‼️
Thanks
Exactly, Erika. So glad this is resonating with you!
Yes, I got this!
Thank you!
You're so welcome, Sandy. So glad you do! ❤
Thanks
You're welcome, Mary. Much love to you!
I got your message.
Loud and clear. .
Thank you for being .
.Awesome
I'm glad, Maylin. Go easy on yourself. We're learning a whole new language here.