Yes, it's scary.
Uncertainty. Fear. The Unknown.
There's been an overwhelming theme to all my calls with so many of you this week, and it's a reminder that we're all connected, feeling similar things regardless of where we find ourselves in this world of ours.
Thing have changed with the reality of Covid, the US elections that have brought up so many more feelings for all of us, and yet in the midst of all of what we're feeling and experiencing, life still must somehow go on.
But how?
That's been the question of the day this week. What do I do about all this that's coming up? What do I do about what I'm feeling, what I'm seeing, what I'm going through?
So today, as I searched for just the right letter to answer to share with you, I decided to, instead, send you these words which I hope will be reassuring for you.
Yes, it's too much.
Being single is too much.
Being alone is too much.
Trying to find normalcy in the middle of a pandemic is too much.
Trying to find someone to take away the loneliness is too much.
Dealing with people don't understand you is too much.
And most of all, trying to get by with all the pressures of work and family and friends and all the voices in your head that make you feel your worst, are all too much.
If this is where you are, the first thing you need to know today is you're not alone.
I'm hearing some version of these thoughts from all of you, regardless of how different you may be from each other. There's a collective consciousness here that, however differently it processes what's going on in the world around us, collectively feels the same lack of security, the same difficulty in finding solid ground, the same anxiousness.
And most of all, the same underlying fear of the unknown.
You're human. You're a beautiful sensitive being. You're going to feel everything. And that's on a normal day. This is a thousand times that normal day!
Acknowledge this part. What no one else says or feels, you do. You're the canary in the coal mine. (If you haven't heard that phrase before, click here. I've explained it to more than a few of you this week.)
Yes, this is why everything feels so heavy, so too much for you. Not because there's anything wrong with you. On the contrary. Because there's everything right with you!
This is temporary. No matter what it feels like. No matter how heavy it hangs for you. No matter how much everything that was already wrong with your life has taken on an even more ominous feel like you're never going to get out of this dark place you're finding yourself in.
The night many years ago that Princess Diana was tragically killed, I was working my scheduled shift on the crisis prevention hotlines at the Vancouver Crisis Center. The center broke a record for calls that came into the center that night.
Everyone felt the loss.
Strangers who never knew her, who lived halfway around the world and had never met her except to catch a glimpse of her goodness and the injustice of her loss to the world, grieved her with a need to share in this collective feeling with another human being.
This connection is what we're craving, and lack of it is what we're reeling from right now. There is no one who can reassure you and calm your fears indefinitely. And that's a lonely, scary, anxious place to be.
From someone who knows this feeling far too well, this isn't how it's always going to be. Even if you can't see it, even if you can't imagine how it's going to get better and how your specific situation and the current collective situation is going to change for you, if there's one thing I've learned from hearing the lament that it's never going to change, is that it will.
It always does!
Set your calendar for 3 months from now, because yes, you can do 3 months.
3 months is enough for things to shift a little, to start to see some hope again, even if it's just to see the reminder that a new season will be here to meet you. The naysayer in you says it won't be different then because it wasn't different 3 months ago, but we love that naysayer in you because it's how you've built some protection for that soft, sensitive side of you, so that's okay.
Accept her fears. Accept her worst case scenarios. Accept her just as she is because what she needs more than anything else is to be listened to.
We love her, too.
Something unexplainable shifts when you stop telling yourself you 'should' feel something different than you feel, or you're crazy for feeling the way you do. When you replace that judgement you're not even aware you're putting on yourself with acceptance, things begin to change.
Hope comes in the morning. We might not know when that morning's coming, but it's for sure going to be here. After the night of darkness, after a night that felt like everything was as worse as it could ever get.
I'm feeling you loud and clear, girl. From someone who's been there and never shook that darkness except by putting one foot in front of the other and making a plan, creating a coping mechanism that involved doing something, planning for a new day, a different time when the heaviness leaves and we're finally given some light.
There's room for all of us sensitive souls who feel the same deep emotions but process them differently, even as we see things differently and hold onto our different goals.
Yes, this too shall pass. It all passes at some point.
It's just a matter of time and what you choose to do with that time. And how much you remember the hope of tomorrow, the hope of the unknown, when you accept and allow for the fear, the anxiousness, the reality of everything you have EVERY right in the world to feel today!
Love you, girl.
Love,
Jane
Is there something you want to share? Something you need to say? I'm here in the comments for you today!
Hi Jane, I’m so overwhelmed with emotions Not sure how to get thru it.
Take each one of them one at a time, Teresa. Feel each one fully. The overwhelm is almost always a sign that we need to set a boundary around something but we're stuck in a should of what we're supposed to do - or not do - instead. Does that resonate at all?
It was a really hard week full of a lot of disappointment, which ended in being basically rejected. I thought we had a Really good time together then I see he is now ‘getting back together’ with his ex. It made me feel a lot better reading this, I’m really glad I found this post. Thank you! xx
So glad it helped, Alison. And don't take this "rejection" on you. If he could get back together with his ex just like that, there's a lot you don't know about him and their relationship, with the biggest takeaway being he wasn't ready to be dating you. That's about him - not you!
Thank you! It's been a tough weekend, but I have felt relieved knowing I made the first step to realizing my self worth. It may be a long road ahead still, but I will get through it, and I will move forward with my head held high. Thank you to Kelli and to you Jane, for helping me. Your responses mean more than words can say. God Bless!
Thank you so much for your words and insight!
Thank you..sometimes I feel there is no light at the end of the tunnel..
All what you say moves me to look beyond myself as hard as it has become...love money,loneliness. Most of all trust.
Hearing you, Judy. And sending you love. Trust in the darkness is no small feat.❤
Thanks Jane
Whew
I am not alone
This is hard
NEVER alone, Kelli. So hard. Oh I'm sending you all the feels and so much love tonight! ❤
Thank you. Today I walked away from a job that was toxic to my well being. Yes, amid a pandemic, I walked. I know I did what was right for me, and all I keep telling myself is that everything is going to be alright. Even though I walked away gracefully, because that is who I am, I'm still feeling sad and angry. Angry for the way I was treated, and sad because I can't seem to get it right. I am a dedicated worker and I just want someone to see my value. I still have hope it will be better. So again, thank you for reminding me that I am not walking alone through this difficult time. God Bless you.
You definitely did the right thing !
Yes it was scary
Yes it was hard
But it was the best thing you could do for yourself .
Believe me I stayed way too long in my abusive job thinking it would get better but it didn't .
Instead I left the job exhausted.
Making a move sooner then later is best other wise it can wears you down even more
I worked through my anger too and yes sadness for not being appreciated ..
It turns out I got a different job and my Adminstrator is very good appreciates me and is respectful
A breath of fresh air !
I am still sad about leaving the old job and wish it would have been different.
I know you will get a job where you will be appreciated.
That is actually true love toward yourself.
You are not alone !
Thanks for sharing, Kelli. So glad you're out of there! And no, Lora, you're not alone at all. I can't tell you how many of the women I coach find themselves changing jobs once they've dealt with their man problem. The two are always related and I'm no longer surprised when the guy issue become a a work one. The stories I could tell you of how much happier these women are in their new jobs - even if they were devastated at the time - would comfort and inspire you. I don't talk about this that much on here, but it's real. Wake up to the inherent imbalances of power in your romantic relationships, and you literally won't be able to stomach the inequalities of power in your work relationships anymore!
There's such beautiful power in your anger, Lora. Even as you've been told the opposite. Don't stop walking until you walk right into someone who sees your value. Someone's always looking out for you even when it feels like you're just fledgling along. I have so much hope for all that is still to come of the good and perfect things that are going to exceed the bare minimum expectations you've held for you. Chin up. You haven't seen anything of that shining path ahead yet!
Thank you so much for your beautiful words. It was the first thing I read this morning and exactly what I needed to hear!
Sending many blessings to you! ❤️
Oh I'm so glad, Helen. The same to you! ❤
I have to let you know how perfect this was today. We all need to value ourselves and each other and find our way individually rather you are alone, with a spouse or with your big family. During this time its important to take time to look at ourselves and find deep down who we really are. Take time to appreciate what you have in life and tell your friends and family how much you care about them. Also a great time to talk to God.
Thank you for your voice!
Beautifully said, Martha. So glad it resonated with you!
Your words are always so poignant! Thank you for kindness and goodness..this world needs more Jane Garapick’s ❤️
Aw, thank you, Michele. We need a wellspring of those right now especially. From my heart to yours! ❤
Thank you for that. My boyfriend of 2 years asked me to move out, more like told me to, says it's not a break up but of course it is. Ifound my first apartment and am moving out in 3 weeks. It's so hard leaving when you love a toxic for you person so much. Any advice for those lonely nights in a new place alone?
Oh C, I feel for you, that sounds soooo harsh. No advice really. If on one hand I think it's important to accept how we feel and sit with it, on the other I also think that keeping as busy as possible as a sort of distraction is good too. I just wanted to give you a virtual hug xx
So much love for kindred souls felt here.Thank you, Pat. ❤
Oh C, Im so sorry, but honestly there is no worse kind of lonely than being in a relationship with someone incapable of seeing you and appreciating the very essence of you. Feel the freedom of being given a new beginning even as it hurts, and I know this won't be easy. Ride the waves of all the emotions that will come up for you. Create a beautiful space for yourself as much as you're able to. Seek the support of true friends who love you for you and don't hurry you along to move on. And most of all remember that this too will be temporary until one day soon you will have your absolute confirmation that this happened for you, not to you because we can't be with people in the ling term who can't see us, who don't appreciate us, can't handle us or dontreally wsnt us. NEVER a reflection on you and your worth or your goodness. ALWAYS a reflection of who someone reveals himself to be. Holding you through those coming nights, just look to the stars shining bright, remembering how you will always shine right where you are! ❤
You are so spot on Jane. Thank you for you message. It feels good to hear that I am not alone feeling lost and lonely lately.
Never EVER alone, Hayatte! Feeling you here. Glad these words reached you and you've found your way here. ❤