It's one of the most seemingly benign things that I teach my coaching clients early, but it's a consequential one.
Learning to say "no" in your own voice, in your own way.
Gently, but firmly.
The most important part is that it's in your own voice in a way that reflects your own personality, in a way that you feel comfortable owning it.
If it's only what someone else tells you to say, it won't have the same effect. You have to practice this until it comes naturally from you!
Don't explain, don't defend. Say it again clearly if you need to.
See, when you've been told your whole life you're not allowed to have boundaries, when you've been conditioned to make everyone else feel good regardless of how you feel, one of the hardest things you'll ever do is risk disappointing someone by saying the words they least want to hear - you saying "no".
But if you're going to find the right ones for you, you've got to make sure you can say no to the wrong ones first!
One small step in the right direction. Yes, it does start with something this simple.
And if you need help with this, just let me know.
Love,
Jane
How about you, Beautiful? Do you have a hard time saying "no"? Share your feelings, experiences and struggles with us below in the comments!
I have never been able to say no because I'm always afraid of hurting someone else or letting them down, so what do I do- compromise myself. It's so hard for me to change this even though I know I'm doing it. I seem to be the one settling for what I really don't want just to try and make someone else happy.
I wish I’d learned this 2 years ago when it may have helped develop a solid relationship instead of my being a people pleaser to my own heart detriment. It feels too late to change current relationship that is fizzling but I feel I will be more prepared and solid next time around for a more equitable give and receive relationship : )
Yes! I have never been able to say no. The mere thought of it gave me such anxiety because I did not want to hurt anyone’s feelings. My hurting myself did not even count. I am learning how to set boundaries and I notice that people do not accept the new me very readily as they are so used to the old me. I have to keep encouraging myself to keep going and it does feel good after a while.
The absolutely hardest thing for me to do!! I have settled in one bad relationship after another my adult life for this reason!! I just took a huge step and I had to let someone toxic go for my own good and I feel so relieved I had no idea how to do it but I took a deep breath and spoke my mind and said I couldn’t put myself through this anymore and I hoped he would do well with everything else he has going on. Then said goodbye.
I have had a very hard time saying no, even when it was detrimental to my well being. In the past 7 months i made major life changing decisions and have finnally felt enough respect for myself to learn that simple word , no.