We've all had those pivotal moments in our lives when we're provided with a contrast so opposite to the situation we've found ourselves in, that we can't help but question why we're still there.
They remind us not everyone will treat us the way we've become so used to. They give us hope.
And they provide us with something to look back on when we try to make sense of it all.
One of those moments for me was at a hockey game with my boyfriend at the time, this guy I felt so beaten down by (he was the one who also made me literally sick at the end.)
Yeah. That one.
It was during one of the intermissions where I went to the concessions by myself and to have someone smile at me - another man smile at me, say something nice to me, be kind to me - it felt like such a rare thing.
I felt so grateful, overly grateful, and as proof of how beaten down I’d become, I was thinking, you’re so kind.
You’re so nice to me.
The internal dialogue I was having with myself was saying, I so obviously don’t deserve someone being kind and nice to me because of how I’ve been treated before in the past, I don’t know what to do when someone treats me otherwise.
Like this basic cornerstone of humanity, being kind or nice or compassionate or understanding of someone, had become just that foreign to me.
Oh girl, can you see this? It’s only when we’ve come soooo far from ourselves that we see someone’s basic human kindness towards us as being some unique and precious thing that we can’t stop thanking them and appreciating them for it!
See, it’s like this. This is that rare positive thing we get out of something like this where our very core essence, our value can’t be appreciated by someone else because they don’t have the capacity to appreciate these qualities in themselves.
They’ve made those things wrong and weak and bad, and because we're so enmeshed with them, we've also come to look at these qualities as wrong and bad or at least something we need to change about ourselves simply because this person or these people (who were never our people) have said so.
So when someone says over time that you’re too sensitive, too soft, too much or whatever, I say let's hold up a sign next time that says, "Warning: I’m sensitive, I’m soft, I’m too much", so that only those who actually want those qualities will proceed.
Because those are the only ones you want!
You don’t want the ones who can’t handle you, or attack you for the very essence that caused them to be attracted to you (or even fell in love with you) in the first place, only to discover they didn’t have the capacity to accept these parts of you when those same parts mirrored back to them revealed just how lacking these same qualities were in THEM!
You held a mirror up to them. You shone a light on who they weren’t, and instead of acknowledging THAT and looking within, they instead projected it onto you!
So as for you, Beautiful, hold your head up high. Advertise that too sensitive, too soft, too much, or whatever your too much happens to be.
Go ahead.
You were never looking for the ones who could ever be repelled by those beautiful qualities so as to tear you down for having them at all. You were never looking for them!
And you know what? Ask any of our alumni too-muchers club members - this is exactly how we finally got rid of the ones that were never actually ours, so that we could find that one that was!
Love,
Jane
How about you, Gorgeous? Does this resonate with you at all? If so, share your thoughts, feelings or stories below in the comments.
I had taken so much from someone I loved so much, he would say things like, your stupid, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, I was too sensitive, I needed only to b loved and needed, instead he beat me down daily for my goodness,
Thankyou Jane this totally resonates with me. I soooo needed to hear this today because I am a sensitive soul who has been rejected for this many times often extremely cruelly and end up blaming myself. So Thankyou for making me accept myself and feel better about my true self and not be frustrated at how I can’t change myself enough to be loved by these types of men or indeed people when I have already “bent over backwards” a million times already only to be discarded exhausted. So Thankyou so much today your words mean so much . Xxxxxx
This very much so resonates with me. I’ve been giving of myself for too long only to be told that I’m too sensitive and that I think too much, that my thoughts don’t really matter and that because of that I’m too insecure. I have the kindest heart this person will ever know and it was my heart he fell in love with in the first place. I’m saddened to see what he’s become over the years and how he doesn’t see my kind heart anymore. He has changed and it’s made me change too. My heart hasn’t changed despite the hurts, but my mindset has. I know either some day he will realize and see what he had with me, but it might be too late because perhaps some day someone will come into my life and appreciate me for who I am and will genuinely love me and will never want to lose me.
He's already too late, Marisa. The irony is he's already lost you but he doesn't realize it. But you do.
I don’t think he even cares. In his mind I’m the one that hurt him. I’ve always been a follower so I react when he would be indifferent towards me and that’s when he would say it was my fault for expecting too much or demanding too much from him. All I wanted was him to show me a little more love and affection. I felt so unloved and I would walk away like a dog with its tail between its legs. I look back at all the times he made me feel unwanted and unloved and wonder why I allowed him to treat me that way. Why I didn’t walk away sooner even though I love him. I have to love myself more right?!
Hi,
I just ready your story about the one who made you sick. 🙁 Do you think you would have noticed much earlier on, perhaps at the beginning, who he was and what he was capable of if you hadn't had on blinders? Certainly it's important to walk away and have a healthy mindset but I also wonder if your intuition would have guided you away from you to begin with.
Thanks so much for sharing your stories!
Always, D. But we don't want to see it when we're in the early midst of our perfect fantasy! And especially when we meet by what we're convinced is fate. And yet the wrong ones can be found in those grandiose beginnings, too!