You say “no”.
You say “not me”.
You laugh. You smirk. You dig in.
But what you don’t see is that you’re exactly the one I’m trying to reach.
What you don’t see is that you’re precisely the one I’ve been looking for. It’s your cynicism that speaks volumes to me. Instead of pushing me away, you make me want to run to you even more.
See, I know how this works.
I know you think you do. I know you think you’ve got this all figured out. But what I see behind your words, behind every single one of your well-rehearsed defenses, gives you away.
No, you’re not that hard. You’re not that cynical. You’re not that tough. It’s only because you’ve been hurt so deeply that you’ve learned how to play this game!
That’s why he has to be bad and someone else has to be lucky and someone else has to be deserving and all these people have judgements you’ve put on them because of how harshly you judge yourself. But you don't see that part - and you won't see that part - because it's too painful to look there.
Because deep down inside, you know it to be true.
You have to work at stuffing it down. You have to work at your cynicism. Because when you allow that tiny little part of you to remember what it was like to believe, a crack appears in your hard exterior.
A crack in your armor that you use to push everyone else away.
"I’ll hurt them before they can ever hurt me again", you say. And whether you say it to me, or whether you say it to someone else who wants to show you a different way, who you’re really hurting is yourself.
I know this is so hard to hear. In fact, it’s so hard to hear that you don’t even believe it is. This is uncomfortable because you know in your heart of hearts, in that tiny place of belief before you resolved to never open yourself up to be loved again, there’s you.
You.
Look in the mirror, Beautiful. Who is she?
Who’s that woman looking back at you? Maybe she’s been hurt in more ways than she ever wants to admit to. Because in addition to the hurt, the pain of being hurt, of trusting and then finding out it was again for naught, there’s the shame of that pain.
The shame of trusting. The shame of opening your heart again.
The shame of trying. The shame of thinking it could be different. The shame of loving like you do. And finding out it still doesn't work (whatever your "it" is), that nothing's changed, that all you've done is open up old buried down, long-forgotten hurts all over again.
It's the fear of this that keeps us here!
Surface is safer. Pretending is easier. Doing what we've always done before feels so much safer.
Only in the places where we feel our deepest shame do we defend like we do. Only in those places where we feel that shame do we hurt others before we can be hurt again, too.
I know about miracles, Beautiful. And I know all about how vehemently you’re going to deny that any kind of miracles could ever happen for you.
You’ve seen too much. You’ve been through too much. You’re not that person miracles happen for.
Except you are.
Exactly as you are.
Exactly who you are.
Exactly with what you’ve been through.
Don’t run this time. Stay here just a little while longer. Stick around just a little bit more. What if? What if maybe it could be different this time? What if you just allowed yourself to open up a little more of that crack in your armor? What if there’s something to this opening oneself up with someone safe, to trust that you might be wrong, that it could be different?
I see you. I see through to your heart. It’s been broken before. It doesn’t dare trust again. But what if it could? What if this single step of trusting, of believing, of staying curious about what might possibly be possible for you could be all that’s been missing before?
Because honestly, Beautiful, I believe in a love that transcends the ordinary. I believe that we find it by surrendering, by giving up what we think we’re so sure we know, in exchange for the possibility of what might be. I’ve see it happen more times than I could fill a book with. I’ve seen it happen beginning with the tiniest of cynical hope. But I believe with all my heart in a love like this. And my belief is enough to transcend your disbelief.
We’ll do this together. Me and you. It won’t cost you a thing unless you choose for it to. There’s enough here on the blog for you to show up every day and read everything I provide on here for free. There’s enough on my social media pages for you to get enough of the small snippets of my message for it to come through as daily reminders for you. And if you want more, if you want to go deeper, I offer my other independent-study and coaching programs for you.
It’s breaking my heart to see you keep running like you do. Stay long enough to question something of your beliefs. Pick one. Any one. It doesn’t matter, only that you give yourself a pause to question anything about these beliefs that do anything BUT serve you and only keep you from what your heart longs to feel.
I’m here for you. Every step of the way. You get to decide how deep you go. But in spirit, I’m right there with you, cheering you on.
You’ve got this, Beautiful. If only you believe that you do!
What about you, Beautiful? What have you been through that you're ready to be done going through? Share your story with us in the comments below. You're never alone in what you're going through!
Hi Jane. I have to say that I really miss your posts. I read this article again and this time I really get it. I can relate all the women here saying ''it's like you are directly talking to me!''.
A few days ago I have met one of my friends and I said to her that I am ready to try again, even if there is no specific person I like right now. I didn't plan to say it, it just happened. I feel like my heart has become hardened and every day I become more and more guarded. I need courage and hope. I need to believe that all men are not the same. And I realize that I cannot solve my problems with men without them. I don't know how it's going to happen because I don't get asked out a lot but I am willing to try again if it happens.
New Moon in the 8th house – Transcend your pathology. I am absolutely transcending my pathology with Jupiter in Scorpio touching my Saturn/Moon conjunction in the 4th house and all of these planets in Picses in my eighth house. Spiritually, this has been a very beautiful and opening time for me. I think it"s probably influecing and igniting my Neptune at 0 degrees Capricorn, too. I have had important realizations about faith and fear, prayer, and knowledge versus divine wisdom. Transcending fear with faith is, I can"t even express the value of discovering this on a fundamental level. I think it will take time to completely flower within but wowza!!!
Jane,
When I read "exactly who are you?", I, too, thought you were talking directly to me.
I had to re-read it several times because I had to open up that crack a little wider each time to let it sink in. I am so sad to admit how armored I really have become. The wounds run so deep I barely recognize the source of Love in my heart anymore. You call to it though. It hears you however faintly. You are an angel out there who my heart has called upon to save my flickering light from going out completely. At times it's like you are banging on my castle door to let you in...(or more so to open up and let the beautiful love IN that radiates and reflects the spitting image of the true LOVE that is ME ).
I want you to know that I am giving much thought to who I am on the inside looking out, why I lack such confidence in who I am, and why that door was slammed shut for what I thought was the very last time. It's such a heavy door to open, but there is a crack. A little light shines in and reminds me not to give up. There is hope.
Thank you for reminding me I am not alone in this. And that I am worthy of Love just as I am. Because I AM LOVE. This IS who I am.
It's as though you lead the Band of ANGELS ...and won't ever give up until every one of us broken winged angels out here, mend our wings, and fly high with you... all in the name of healing ourselves, our planet, one Angel at a time.
Through that tiny crack I see an amazing Angel on the other side, beautiful you, beckoning me to open the door, come out, dust off my wings and fly. Thank you for your patience, your perseverance, and for holding up the mirror just right so I can see myself maybe for the first time in my life.
With gratitude,
Eliza
Thank you, Eliza. You've inspired me more than you know. And I'm honored you found your way here, and have heard the very message I knew someone needed to. Many of us. If I could have imagined the response I was hoping for in writing these words, it would have been exactly like this, and exactly from someone like you. Always here for you!
Thank you for all your encouraging words I don't know how you know about my situation I don't know how to talk to you but I seen your words today tears rolling down my face heart being full with pain and joy at the same time it's not fair!!! I don't know why I'm going through this in my life NOW I've always been a giving, positive motivating , a spiritual, praying, Miracle seeing person, standing in the gap for others always since the age of 7 years old for everyone. Living that sacrifice life starting at the age of 7 years old sacrificing my life for the world for my family and being the youngest of 6 siblings. But now I find my world just falling apart, out of control, emotions feelings, hatred, anguish, anxiety, thoughts that has never been able to surface that we're not positive in my life! But how do you know all this? how do you know this about me? I will never speak to you personally? It will always be technology videos? Why! When I need a human being such as yourself that understands. It will just hurt me again and my disappointment of humanity but I respond to you because it really touch me and it brought on hurt pain everything Joy within my heart to the point it felt like it was going to explode
Oh Venessa, how I hear you. Don't be afraid of everything that's coming up for you now. When we've been taught so well how to keep everything together and be there for everyone else except ourselves, there comes a time when we can't keep doing what we've always done and we have to let everything come out that needd to come out in order to have something different than we've had before! Yes, it hurts. Yes, it's hard. No, we don't want to have to go through this. But don't run from it. Hold on tight to your own self. Be there for your own self, not just everyone else as it's been for so long. I do offer various coaching packages if you want to work one-on-one or in my new group coaching offering. There's something beautiful going to come from this going through part for you, Venessa! For when there is so much to be felt, there is so much to be lived!
I’m not sure I understand your post.. if I truly live this man, should I continue to reach out to him! Respond to his texts to see what I’m doing (i.e. do I want to come over)! Do I keep telling him that I love him? Or am I just feeding his narcissistic ego!? I’m so confused right now!
Read Jane's recent posts. I think the fundamentals are the same your the prize, is he worthy because YOUR doing the choosing. Don't be a doormat and men like to do the chasing! It's easy to get in a rut over a silly man and all their baggage but we can't fix them, this is what they are. I like to get out and have fellowship at my church..hang out with friends, don't be down, life is for living..chat someone else up haha. If he can't appreciate you his loss. Peace ? xxx
Exactly, Clear. Thanks for jumping in here! 🙂
Your program helped me SO much 🙂
(and still is!)
Love hearing this from you, Sky11. So glad! 🙂
Im getting ready to go back through it with a focus on my career. I think knowing my worth and being clear about what I want will be amazing in this area as well. Thank you 🙂
I felt you were talking right to me this time. You got me there, Jane ?.
Thank you for believing in us somewhat jaded souls so much and not giving up on us.
Never, Angel! It's the stories you tell when you've long believed you would never have that story to tell that inspire me the most and have taught me to never, EVER give up on souls like you!