You’ve tried them all.
You go from place to place, looking, searching for the one thing that will be your magic answer. You search the world over for the one thing, the one person, the one magical formula that will finally make everything right in your world.
You may not know exactly what it is you need, but you think you might.
You think it’s found in the idea of the perfect man for you, or the idea of the perfect job or career for you, or the perfect location, or the perfect body, or the perfect house, or the perfect family, or whatever your particular perfect thing may be.
Except that you’ve tried so many things already, and nothing lasted for long. The feeling of everything finally being right in the world was temporary – fleeting – until it was no more.
It wasn’t only that feeling you lost, it was the confidence in you being so sure you knew what you needed, the confidence that you knew yourself as well as you thought you did that you knew what was best for you.
But this isn’t the way it is, Beautiful. This isn’t the truth of what happened.
What happened was that you were sold a story, a thread, of what you needed to make you happy, of what you were told would make you happy. We were all told the same story and sold the same bill of goods.
That we had to look outside of ourselves for happiness.
That our happiness, our fulfillment would be found in finding, in getting, in possessing the right address, the right career, the right family, the right status symbol, the right man.
Many of us are still on this path and are waking up slowly but surely to the reality that having what is supposed to make us happy falls short when we actually get it, or thought we had it all only to discover it fell apart around us and now we have nothing left.
The man wasn’t what he was supposed to be, nor the job, nor the status, nor everything else. It all fell flat. It all felt so shallow. It all wasn’t what we expected it to be.
We feel like we’ve been short-changed, and yet really what we were was told what they were told too.
Do this and get that. Do this even better and get that better still.
We did but it sure didn’t turn out the way it was supposed to.
You know why?
Because it doesn’t come from anywhere outside. Miracles don’t just happen. Chance meetings don’t just happen. We – you – make them happen!
All my programs, every step we walk through together with my coaching, it’s all about seeing through to our programming. The more we can’t see that there’s a way out, the more stuck we become.
Of course you’ve grown cynical!
It’s no wonder you can’t believe it could happen for you, that all the good men aren’t already taken, that there’s someone perfect for you still out there!
We’re stuck in our programming.
That’s all it is. When you can see that, it becomes possible.
So how do you see the miracle worker in you? How do you see yourself with all the power in the world right there inside you?
You start by climbing out of the status quo that you’ve been accepting as just the way it is for so long. By breaking the cycle of doing things just because it’s the only way you know.
How?
You create new ways of doing things, and you keep doing them until they become new habits that replace your old ones that you've been programmed with.
You reach out to new places, new people, new experiences, new anything that allows you to get out of the programming that’s held you down and kept you small for so long. That's how you claim your birthright.
Love, happiness, uncomplicated "no drama" living.
You do whatever it takes to see a view of life – of this world – that doesn’t keep selling you on the same story you’ve bought into.
It’s not your fault. It’s what we were all sold on. But that doesn’t mean it’s true or that it’s the way it has to be for you.
Whatever you can do, wherever you can go to see just how much bigger the world is than the version that you see that only supports your programmed version, do that. Go there. Take a walk somewhere you haven’t been before.
When you reach the limit of where your legs can take you, take a bus, a subway, a skytrain, or even a bike – anything that will take you where you can see more than you can see where you are right now.
We all get stuck in this thinking. I know I certainly did. We all start to feel like nothing will ever change.
It doesn’t mean we’re right. It just means we need to do something different. To get out of our stuck place and see that we’re actually a part of something so much bigger than the familiar place we’ve dug ourselves into.
Don’t sabotage yourself before you even try. I know those equally as strongly programmed voices will tell you nothing will change so why even try. But you can’t know until you try.
You can’t see it until you look someplace different than you’ve been looking before. And you won’t believe that any of this can be different for you with all that you’ve already been through before until you’re far enough out of your programming.
If you need support, I’m here for you. I’d be honored to walk this path with you. It’s a familiar one, to me, in more ways than you could know. I still get stuck, I still have doubts, the fear sets in, and I have to be reminded of everything I’ve told you here.
Come be human with me. There’s room for you. And there’s room for all your dreams, all your goals, all your plans, and everything that’s going to come true for you!
Hasn’t it been long enough?
Where ever you’re feeling the most stuck, whatever belief is sounding the strongest, is the one that’s calling you to look there.
You can do this. That you’re here at all is telling you you’re already doing this! Don’t let anyone tell you different or keep you staying where you are. There is so much more to life and love than where you are and where you’ve been!
I want to hear from you! What's holding you back and keeping you stuck? Share your story with us in the comments below so we can help!
What's holding me back is the fact that I'm scared, I have a fear of failure, I find it difficult to believe in myself, I'm scared that people will always leave me just like my mother did when I was only 2 years old and my father passing away when I was 9 . I'm 33 now and still no sign of her. I don't know her reasons for leaving but growing up I somehow I believed that I was not good enough that's why she left....so everything that doesn't go well in my life or every guy that walks away it triggers what happened in my childhood..
The childhood trauma that I went through growing up is slowly catching up with me, being constantly told that I will never be anything in life has somehow made me believe that "maybe I will never be anything"
I know deep down I am capable of succeeding, I am capable of being a loving partner (I've seen this in my previous relationship) I was the supportive, nurturing and attentive woman, but I just can't understand why they keep on walking away from me if I'm that good?.
I can't seem to make decisions and stick to them. Sometimes I feel like I have it all figured out and my confidence will be sky rocket and the other times I feel like shutting the world out and just be on my own, what keeps me going are my two boys, I live because I want to be a good mother to them.
I hate the fact that I always have to look for validation from other people, I want and need to start believing in myself, I have so many hopes and dreams, I want to live a great life, I want to be happy, I want to be successful. I want to be strong, I want to be able to stand my ground and not be a pushover....I just don't know how to do all of that..I'm a wreck. I feel like my life can be rewritten.
Sorry for venting.
And thank you for this amazing piece it gives me so much hope that all is possible.
Never be sorry for venting on here, Lolly. We understand your words more than you know! I'm so glad this made the possible seem just a little bit closer. We're all trying to change the programming, trying not to need that outside validation, but over and over again we confront our reality that we do - still, yes, still - need some of that validation. Don't be afraid to admit that, to embrace it, to love yourself even more because of it. It will endear you to someone who understands this path, who understands humanity, who's walking through it himself. In fact, this is how you'll know. For right now, be around those people who understand, who get you, and limit your time around those who don't. We need each other when we walk this path, not to judge, but to love, to hold, to understand why we can't just be like the ones who never experience this, who live in a different world than we do. Be so proud of yourself for how far you've come already just to be able to pinpoint this like you have here. I'm cheering you on, Lolly!
I've always felt I was meant for something greater but for the life of me I cannot figure out what it is. I've tried so many things only to fail or find that It's not my purpose after all. It's so frustrating and not only a life of purpose but also the perfect man for me has always been a dream but never a reality. I'm starting to wonder if people are perfect for us in a moment but then something changes and then they leave which indicates they are not perfect for us any longer. Quite honestly I'm tired of trying and failing. I keep thinking I should have all this together by now. I just don't know how to discover my purpose.
That's it right there, Elly - "I keep thinking I should have all this together by now". No, you absolutely shouldn't have this all together by now! Not with where you've been. Not with what you've been through. Turn that around. Be who you are right now, and don't let any voice or person tell you differently. We all come to find our purpose in our own way and time. You weren't ready before now, or you would have discovered it by now. It just means there's something bigger, someone better, than who or what you would have been ready for before!
Jane,
I have read so many of your articles and have used some of your programs but even still I am not able to be content with myself. If I am not with this man that I have a FWB I feel like I have nothing, that I am lost. I don't want to hold someone else responsible for my happiness. I want to find my own happiness within me. Why can't I do this for myself? I know I am needing some counseling to help me heal inside. There is something that is holding me back from my full potential. I just wish I knew where to start at in helping me love myself before any man/person. Any advice?
Start with just one assumption you hold about what love feels like, Sonia, one belief, and turn it on its head. What if love actually is the opposite of that? Could you allow yourself to get curious about what real love might feel like instead for you? What do you feel you need to heal from? Be as specific as you can and then imagine that you are already healed in that place. What would you do differently then? Do that, be that, allow yourself that freedom now!
Lately, I've been thinking that there is no purpose in life. We can be happy doing one thing, but it's a momentary thing. That happiness is just a feeling like every other feeling, and therefore it's no destination. It's just a fleeting thing. Feelings are all inside ourselves and they change based on whatever it is we're going through at that moment. I cannot control anything other than my actions. That's all. Any meaning I give to anything is just that, one meaning. It doesn't make it true or false. It's just a mental mechanism. It is disillusionment for me to realize this. I feel a bit jaded these days. Like I don't want to be around people at all. I'm not exactly depressed like other times, but somehow angry, resentful, confused, lost. I've been here before though and I don't think this is something that disappears for good. It just comes and goes for periods of time. I guess right now the only thing that makes sense to me is to just accept this is where I am at and just let it be. Take it day by day and look at no more than what I see right now.
Boy this is so true I feel if I make me happy there is something wrong I try to please everyone but me and I'm tiererd drained and just don't care anymore been hurt so many times screwed out of thousands if dollars by family member so.etimed I just want to give up
I'm so sorry for what you've been through, Kelly. Don't give up! Just stop trying to please everyone and focus instead on you and what you need and what speaks to your soul for a change. It can't NOT be draining to focus so much of your time and energy on everyone else to the detriment of you!
I think you've figured it out for yourself here, Angel. Always such an honor to provide the context to your open, beautiful heart!
My negative thinking and not feeling deserving
But that's not really you, is it Shirley? Aren't you actually so exquisitely full of positivity deep down inside? Who are they that they get to decide what you deserve - and what you don't? You do, not them. Listen to what you know to be true about you, about life, about love. I have a feeling you know so much more than you believe you do! Go shine, Shirley, it's all in you!