It’s opening night.
All eyes are on the curtain as it slowly begins to rise.
There you are.
He’s looking at you like he’s never seen you before. And with good reason. He hasn’t.
Not like this.
You step out into the spotlight and he sees the woman he’s been waiting for his entire life.
You.
He can’t look anywhere else. You mesmerize him like no one else has ever done before.
The way you move. The way you talk. The way you laugh. Those little things like the way your smile lights up the room.
Like the way you lift your hand to brush a stray strand of hair out of your eyes. Like the way your eyes meet his as you catch him looking at you from across the room.
He smiles at you.
You feel unlike anything you’ve ever felt before.
"Let it be real. Please, let it be real!", you say to yourself, to the Universe, to anyone except him.
Then he’s walking across the room.
Hi, he says. You take a deep breath.
"Hi."
Doesn’t he know it’s me, you wonder?
No, he doesn’t recognize you. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen you before. You’ve been working towards this day for a long, long time. You barely recognize yourself.
You see, you used to look at him that way. So caught up in everything he was, everything he did, everything he said, you lost yourself in him.
Oh it didn’t happen all at once, but slowly, over time, you forgot what attracted him to you in the first place, you forgot your worth, you forgot that there was anything so captivating about you and you began to defer to him.
You began to notice his every word, you started analyzing every little thing he said and did trying to figure out what you meant to him. You lost yourself in him.
Until there came a time when all he saw when he looked at you was a reflection of himself. You sensed the shift, the change in him even if you didn’t know what it was or what had happened.
You – the strong, confident, beautiful woman you once were – was gone.
In her place was a woman who doubted herself, who took her cues from him, who responded with what she thought he wanted her to say and be rather than who she was herself.
You couldn’t have predicted it, no matter how much you tried. But somewhere along the way, something changed. He triggered something deep within you that had nothing to do with him but everything to do with who he represented.
You sensed a change, a shift in him. You went back to the only thing you knew to do when someone pulls back. You love them more! You try harder to give them more of what you think will make them love you more.
You become more of everything you think they want you to be. You become so finely tuned into them, you leave only a shell of you.
Until one day, a little wake up call comes your way.
What are you doing? It asks you.
Why are you choosing to live like this? Who are you living for? Or the more simple … are you happy?
And all of a sudden you realize that you might have a choice. That there just might be another role for you to play here.
Your own.
It calls to you. Gives you just that tiniest glimmer of hope that there might be something more here for you.
You grab on and hold on tight for the ride of your life. The ride back to you.
Past the "shoulds", right into the midst of the “going through”, until you get to you.
That’s where everything lands. Right in your hands.
It begins with finding your own beautiful power again deep within you. It's still there, Beautiful! It's always been there! It carries right on through as you take those little steps to find yourself again. In the doing, in the living, in the letting go of everything that isn’t honoring to your beautiful self and the finding of the things that bring you back to life again.
Where’d you go? Everyone asks when you get here.
It’s opening night. They’ve all been waiting for you. And so has he. He doesn’t recognize you, but you do.
She’s back. You’re back!
You smile to yourself as you let the significance of all of this sink in. You thought it had to come from him. You thought it was all about something outside of yourself.
Now you have your own little secret; it didn’t come from him, it didn’t come from any place outside of you.
It came from the only place it ever comes from; that beautiful place within you!
So many of you provided the inspiration for this post without even realizing your role. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your journey. I'm honored to be a part of it. And I'd love to hear from you in the comments if this resonated with you.
nice article! thank you so much.
I've faced with something i can't fix it out, i met someone 4 months ago and we started dating. everything was great until recently he changed a lot. He told me he has some family problems and in his work that is why he doesn't call or texting me as much as before. Suddenly, i discovered that he is a close friend of my boyfriend. I told him about and now he says that he doesn't want to continue this relationship anymore (it is kind of shame for him and he thinks that he betrays his friend).
I really don't know what to do and how make him to change his mind.
Would you please guide me?
thanks
Parisa
I loved it!
But it's so hard not to forget ourselves in the process...
I had a boyfriend of 3 years some time ago. We were in love, and then he started to change, to be distant.. what did I do? I lost myself trying to "win him over".
Until one day he looked at me and said: "What happened to you? Where is that strong womand I met 3 years ago?"
Such a slap in the face...
After 3 years he didn't love me anymore, no reason. Just because.
I tried to do something, it only made it worse and I didn't recognize myself in the end.
Eventually I had to let go.
But it's so hard to accept that someone you love simply doesn't want to be with you anymore.
I wonder... Where is the one that will be THE one?
I'm so tired...
I felt like you were telling my story! I hate how in loving him, I have lost myself. I obsess over him, like the only reason I'm alive, is to please him! I also feel like the more I try to please him, the less interest he has in pleasing me. I have realized that I have lost myself, and I hate it, and I'm not happy! I want him to long to be with me like he used to. I want to put me first and love myself again, but I don't know how. I want to be the woman he fell in love with before I lose him. It's a pattern with me. Every time I put my all into a relationship, I just get taken for granted, and cheated on!! I feel like if I don't do everything they want, try to please them in everyway, they will leave me or cheat! I want to be confident and strong again!!
Oh how I hear you, Donna! But it's just the opposite. It's only the message we received and made our own that it's selfish not to, that we don't know what to do with ourselves if we're not deferring to them. Just a little outside your comfort zone is where you begin to find yourself again. Start slow - a little less doing everything they want, a little more suggesting something on your own and then doing it yourself even if he doesn't want to. A little less pleasing him, a little more pleasing you. A little more of you, a little less of him. And a new mantra to replace the old - Every time I put only what is mine to put into a relationship, I am loved, respected and adored. It's in the little things, Donna, that the bigger shifts come. You can do these! You're here! One baby step at a time!
Jane,
I am so happy to have found you. I am beginning my journey back to beautiful radiant extraordinary me! Thank you for holding my hand! You are a special woman. Thank you for doing what you do! Your words touch my very soul.
And so are you, Sadhna! Thank you for your beautiful words. I am absolutely thrilled that this is all resonating with you! This is all you!
that sounds just like me. in HS i never told the boys as they would bully me in HS (11 years ago). today i look at the profiles of the boys who went to the same HS as me. Today they look different & i've been keeping in touch with them on FB, there was no 10 year reunion last year. so i decided to talk to them on FB.
1 of them is going through r-ship issues n is busy with work. half of them are married. i talked to another 1 with simple msg asking "how are u, long time no see" n added him as a friend.
also today another guy from HS works in a nightclub in fremantle, Western Australia and works all night shifts n tries to talk to me when he gets free time, he tells me what he's doing. he would reply at random times. i told him what i'm doing etc & i've given him compliments on his profile pics n he thanked me for it and he said to me "i like getting messages from you & your grammar is amazing" i was like omg i've never had a guy who would compliment on me on my grammar. i told him i like getting messages from him as well.
it seems all the boys from HS are really nice to me after not seeing them for 11 years on FB. my goal is to talk n catch up with friends from HS & Primary school n see them n get to know them a little better.
idk what to say to a guy if he compliments me again as i like getting compliments
A simple "thank you" is all you need to say to anyone, Courtney. Remember that you already are everything you are whether or not someone recognizes it or compliments you! And while compliments are always nice to receive, you deserve more than just surface words, but actions that show you more about who someone is and what kind of values they hold.
That's why love is scary. You become so focused on it, you kind of obsess on where the relationship is going instead of having fun and enjoying the process. It's easy to be so caught up in trying to please the man pouring all the energy into that.
Exactly, Diane. For most of us, it's our default. Coming from a place of confidence in who we are and what we have to offer reminds us that we don't have to be or do anything but be true to ourselves to attract the ones who are right for us. Easier said than done, of course, but this is the kind of mindset that has such a positive ripple affect in every area of our lives!
This just recently happened to me ...met someone after 55 years who had been my first love. But, after the happiest month of my life, he got back together with his ex - finance who left him and went to Arizona! She has money but treats him like crap! I feel he just used me to make jealous! I'm so totally broken-hearted ...am totally devastated!!!
Oh I'm so sorry, Shirley. How devastating! I know it's hard, but he obviously has his own issues if he chooses to be with someone who would treat him this way. Don't take on what isn't yours. You deserve someone who chooses you, and only you!
This really resonated with me today as I began to reclaim my power not in a romantic relationship but in a professional setting (however I have often said how we are in one domain is how we are in all domains) asserting boundaries with my boss, taking better care of myself by squeezing in a 40 minute walk, and leaving early for a change. I feel like I have a spring in my step for the first time in ages. I feel like I am coming alive again ... 🙂
Awesome, Paula! 🙂 That's exactly it - reclaiming our power touches every area of our lives - it's the ripple effect that changes everything!