She was the woman everyone noticed as she walked into the room.
"I love your dress", said one of the women at our table. "Something seems different about you", said another.
I couldn't have agreed more.
I vaguely recognized her from somewhere, but it took me a while to remember where I knew her from.
Then I remembered. I had met her a month or so before at a mutual friend's party when she had overheard me talking with another woman about what I do.
When my conversation had ended, she wanted to know more about what we were talking about, the emotionally unavailable man and the reasons we stay so long in places we're never meant to be.
Just an insignificant moment in time was how it seemed to me, but then, are there ever any real coincidences?
Apparently not.
Now here she was, certainly the same person, but there was something so very different about her, which is why I hadn't recognized her.
Was it her striking dress? Her hair? No, while those things were certainly noticeably different, it was so much more than that.
There was an unmistakable confidence about her.
She's not going to remember me, I thought, for she had that essence about her that made her memorable but made everyone else, including myself, pale in comparison. I had been invited to join some friends of a friend, and so she was here as well.
Introductions were made to the ones that didn't know her, and when she came to me, she said, "Oh, I remember you, Jane". And then after she finished some small talk with the rest, I asked her how everything was going with the friend we had talked about that night.
"You have no idea", she said. "Your videos changed my life. I looked back on all my relationships and realized I've been choosing emotionally unavailable men my whole life. I've been deferring to everyone else, concerned about what everyone else thinks of me, taking everything so personally, letting everyone else dictate who and what I was. It was such a wake-up call!"
I stopped her there. Wait. "What videos?" I asked.
Because even when you know this stuff really works, seeing the results firsthand right there in front of me in such an unmistakable way, it shocked even me to see the power of her transformation.
"Yours!" she said emphatically.
"I've got so much to tell you", she said. Then she and some others left to place their orders. When she came back, she had so much more to say.
She told me about the men who had suddenly appeared out of the blue who were calling her, texting her, and pursuing her. And how she was stepping back, looking at what each of them had to offer her, and coming from a place of choice - her choice - instead of need.
They would need to prove their worth to her this time, instead of her jumping at the attention of a man or settling for so much less than she deserved. And so of course, with this new mindset, she had her pick, her choice of men.
They kept calling, kept coming back, keep seeking her out and pursuing her.
She told me about a difficult situation at work where normally she would have been offended and taken the actions of a person with a very strong personality there personally, and once again gone into her fall-back "pleaser" mode.
But instead, this time, she realized she was in control, that she was the one doing the choosing, and without making it personal, she was able to respond to the matter at hand instead of taking on what wasn't hers to own.
In the middle of our conversation, the food arrived. No one had silverware.
No one, that is, except this woman talking to me.
They give it to you downstairs when you place your order, we were told. And as she held up her silverware wrapped in a crisp white napkin – the only one at our table - the rest of the story became clear. This new found confidence she had discovered in herself had set her apart from the rest of us, so of course she had been the only one to be treated differently.
I smiled to myself. I knew why. It was so obvious to me, even if the others didn't realize it.
She finally realized that she could be the one doing the choosing. Now, she knew. And so did everyone else.
Once you have it, it's not something you can hide. It just comes through. It touches everything, every area of your life.
She now discovered it, just like I had discovered it, too.
She's not the only one. I hear her story in different variations every single day in your emails, your comments, and on our phone calls. But to see it live right there in front of me like I did with her on an evening when I hadn't even expected it, made it that much more real.
Yes, it happens.
Yes, it can happen for you.
When you take that first step, even if it's only by hearing something that resonates in some way with where you're at or what you're going through, there's a shift in energy, in momentum that's about to become real.
You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to be anything more than you already are. In fact, all you need to do is to stop suppressing who you really are.
Isn't it time to stop settling for those crumbs you've told yourself are the best you're going to get?
Step out of that story. Step into your new life. The one that begins and ends on your own terms.
Today is a brand new day, and if you're willing and open to seeing it this way, it's the beginning of a whole new you!
I have related to all these stories seems like a lifetime of the same relationships and all I am looking for is Love in its unconditional form, to be inspired and to get my appetite for life back. I find that I am so focused with these relationships that it has stopped me from moving forward and from personal growth.
Jane, I'm sure you felt like a proud mama! That is a powerful testament of the amazing work that you do. I want that for myself, and each and everyone of us should as well.
I am committed to getting those videos it's just taking me a little while longer than I expected. Meanwhile I'm utilizing all of the helpful excerpts that you provide to build my foundation
Thanks Jane, for all that you do.
Oh I am, Hazel. Of every one of you!! Usually I hear these inspiring stories in an email, a comment, or a word on Facebook or Twitter. But this was the first time I've seen it in person right in front of me like this.
Take as long as you need, Hazel; this isn't a race, it's a journey. And thank you for your beautiful words! 🙂
Be true to yourself, keep your eyes on the prize. Don't settle. Don't give up. Be your own best friend.
Jane, you are helping others find their way. Their way to a new day, a second chance, redemption. Forgiveness. And realizing how little those crumbs actually meant.
Yes, it happens.
Wise words, Wayne. Especially these - "And realizing how little those crumbs actually meant." - Exactly!
Yes, it absolutely does happen!
Yes I would really love to be in the drivers seat and just be more confident about myself. I take everything very personal . I constantly fall in love with the wrong guys. I try so hard to forget about this guy yet I keep going back to him even though he has nothing to offer me no stability he never really make time for me. And because he knows how i feel he takes advantage of the fact. I am not even really sure if he loves me yet i keep running back to someone that shows me no love and no attention what so ever I am the one showing all the attention I am the one phoning him all the time. I know in my heart it is a waste of time yet i keep holding on hoping that someday he will love me the way i need to be loved. I am just tired of waiting around i am very confident when I am around people yet when I am alone i feel this way. I need to really decide what I want in life and work very hard to move on maybe then he will realise that i am worth much more that he is giving me. I pray everyday asking God to just take away this love and this pain that i feel for this guy and be able to move on. I so wish that this can happen very soon where i will eventually be able to weigh my options and be able to choose someone that is worthy of me.
And I have a feeling that you might just surprise yourself one day, Cordelia, and discover everything you thought you knew about yourself, everything you thought you couldn't do or had to have someone do for you, proved not to be so true after all. And that somewhere, buried deep down inside you, there's a courage and a power and a resolve that you would never belief if you didn't see it for yourself. And one day, I promise you, you will.
Much like the woman in the story, I think I am ready to embark on a journey towards that driver's seat you speak of, and I believe that once I am taking control where I can, other things will "fall into place" as they say. It's not to say life will magically be struggle-free or that I won't encounter challenging people, situations or ideas. The point would be that I would be able to "not take on what does not belong to or serve me." Also, when I first heard the idea of eagerly eating up crumbs, rather than picking myself up, and realising that I'm worth more than scraps or shards, it hit me on an intellectual level, nevertheless deeply. A recent (very recent, like very early this morning) relationship dissolution has put me into a different zone. I cried, but now I'm not crying, and I'm actually grateful that it is over, and in a way, for the courage I didn't have the end it myself because now I know the answers I was afraid to stand by for myself all along. Thank you, Jane!
"I cried, but now I'm not crying, and I'm actually grateful that it is over, and in a way, for the courage I didn't have the end it myself because now I know the answers I was afraid to stand by for myself all along." - You've said so much here, Rhea. Yes, there's always the disappointment that it couldn't be what we always long for it to be, but your words here are such a testament to the other side of this; that there is a freedom now within yourself that you no longer have to wonder, you no longer have to decide what to do, because it is the reality check you were waiting for to set you both free - even if you didn't realize this before. Thank you, Rhea, for sharing, for being here, for being open to see so much more for yourself than you might otherwise have been willing to see. How you keep on inspiring me! 🙂