Like so many of us, I grew up with an idea of God that was handed to me from my parents. And, like most of us, when I was young I believed what they believed and took everything as truth that they taught me about God.
But somewhere along the way, I realized that I didn't really know what I believed. I didn't know what was true for me.
So, after believing so long in something that wasn't really my own in the first place, I started to search for my own answers. I found myself questioning who I was, where I had come from, and what I believed.
Then something amazing happened.
I found the answers I was searching for not outside of myself, but deep within me, in being open to seeing what showed up in my life. It was in the simple, ordinary things such as a passage in a book or a line in a song, or a word from a friend that would appear right in front of me exactly when I needed it most.
To someone else, these might have been written off as mere coincidences. To someone else the might not have meant anything. But to me, all of these little things were obviously anything but coincidences. They were very big, very clear indications that someone was looking out for me. That someone or something really cared.
And often that very thought gave me reason to hold on.
To hope.
To believe.
To trust.
And more importantly, to believe in myself and trust that I would always be taken care of. That someone or something held me in their hand, and that all I had to do was watch and listen and do the best I could with what I knew and everything would be exactly the way it was meant to be.
And I would be safe.
But of course it's never that easy. In the worst of those moments when I felt so alone, so lost, so void of any hope, the last thing I was confident of was that there was any kind of greater plan. That anyone was looking out for me. That there would be some sort of silver lining that would emerge out of the devastation that I was feeling.
But each and every time I felt that way, sooner or later (sometimes painfully later), I would recognize why I had to go through what I went through. As long as I remained open to seeing it, the next steps in the path would become clear and I would know once again that things really were just as they're meant to be.
If this is you, if you find yourself doubting yourself, questioning yourself, questioning that there could be more to life than the way it is right now, and doubting whether there will ever be something more, know that you’re not alone.
This is what we do so well. We look all around us and see that everyone seems to get this except us, that no one seems to need that reassurance over and over again quite like we do. And then we fall into that downward spiral of doubting ourselves, of questioning who we are to think we have anything of real value to offer, and we go back to that place we know so well.
But you never go there alone. Whatever you believe in, it goes there with you. It meets you where you are. Whether it be God, or the Universe, or the Infinite Consciousness - or whatever you choose to call it, it's there for you. And it will always be there for you, right where you are, and it will show you.
All you have to be is open to seeing it.
You see, you’re worth that extra time and attention you need to show you what you can’t yet see for yourself. You’re worth that extra investment in you to remind you of all that you are and all that you have to offer the ones who are meant to be in your life.
Don’t beat yourself up for needing that reassurance. For needing those repeated reminders that there’s more – so much more! – still to come for you. That life hasn't passed you by. That you haven’t been forgotten. That you didn't do anything so bad that would negate any love and happiness for you. That there’s no judgement in love, only compassion for the beautiful human you are.
We all make mistakes, we all lose our way. We all question whether that master plan, that life that we were made for really exists for us. There’s no one who understands what that feels like in real time as much as I do.
Won’t God/ the Universe get sick and tired of me always needing to be reassured?
Shouldn't I know by now?
No, not with where you've been and what you've been through. Instead, look at who shows up. Look at the people who cross your path. Look at the places you find yourself. Look at the little coincidences that are anything but and how they keep turning up in your life when you choose to see them. They’re always there, they’re always happening, if we’re open to seeing them appear.
You’re always met right where you are. You’re not too much trouble for the universe to go out of its way to spend some extra time and attention making sure you see what you need to.
Don’t you see? It’s what makes you you! All those beautiful qualities you forget you have, they’re the other side of this. You might need a little more, but you give that much more!
And just like you were made exactly the way you are for a reason, so too is there that kind of grace for you to give you those little reminders along the way, to make that next step just a little more clear, to give you that little stitch of hope to believe if only just for today. You don’t need to know what tomorrow will bring, all you need to remember is that your answers will come along the way right when you need them.
It’s only our impatience that gets in the way. We want to know now. We want it to be so clear. We want that gift of hindsight where this all makes sense right now.
You’ll know more when you need to, and as I say to myself as much as I say this to you, it’s OK to not know. Look for it. Be open to it. Be open to it looking different from what our programming and all our cultural influences says it has to look like.
All you need to remember is that when it matters, it will be clear.
I loved what you put into the universe! When I was reading your words, I knew it was for a reason! The Most High, Jehovah and myself have a great relationship! But as you said you need to be reassured that you are okay sometimes. And you have reminded me that love is everywhere I look! In your words I can see the confirmation of the promise I pray for! To live, laugh, love and dream my reality into my future moments! God, spoke to me through you and I give thanks for you as a vessel! I am searching for love and in love, God is love and in every element that is me! The wind, a child's laughter, an embrace or warm smile. Thank you for reminding me, us, to live...let go...let God and live! All paths lead back to God, and God lead me to you.....Peace and Blessing's eternally!
So glad this resonated so beautifully with you, Iriel. Thank you!
Thank you so much, Jane. I'm silent reader and always read your beautiful and inspire stories. I subscribe my email address so I always up to date ^^
I'd like to give one or two lines of my story. But I'm so sorry if there'll be some mistakes coz English isn't language of my country.
I raised Protestant but I am now find my way in Catholic. Well, I'm from patrilineal family with super disclipine and strict mother. Sure, you can get my point 🙂
Often blame myself, carry everything away, I'm so much fit with "Mature woman in little girl". So many responsibilities at very young age, and face so much bitter experiences. I used to ask why to Him, but now I know. Since I was 17, I got my reward. It's not about fame or wealth, but it's all about grace, forgiveness, maturity, and everything I can't get from this world. I know He will fulfill His promise, I just need to ask, to knock, and find it. I know He's with me. Even when I got an accident, I was sooo depressed coz my GPA was stuck and I did it again, blame myself and burdened. But He taught me that my life is sooooo priceless, I'm His precious. It's not about I think GPA isn't important. Yes it is, but high GPA will not be important anymore if something bad happen to me 🙂
I'm still learning to forgive myself, to love my life, and to give all my life to Him so He can hold me. So I have peaceful heart and don't worry something too much. I will not stumble even I'm in dark, He holds me.
Recently, I'm so anxious about one to one relationship. I'm so single for 2,7 years lol. This is longest record in my life. I was anxious if I never get married. I'm starting to guess if he's the one, he's my soulmate, and it makes my head spinning. But I remember a story in Bible when He helped a woman find her soulmate. And I know He cares of me. It's not about when or how I'll get into relationship, but it's about His plans and grace for my life.
Really, God is so good. I can tell Him my stories, my sadness, my happiness, my anxiety, and all my feelings. Even when I feel there's no hope anymore, He always with me 🙂
Thank's for allowing me share my story, Miss Jane. Bless and love for you 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story, Sera. I understand exactly what you're talking about here and am so glad you've found this peace within your heart. 🙂
Hi Jane,
Just want to say that I feel close to what you are saying. after years of being in domestic violent relationships. By going from one, straight into another, I am willing now to find out who I am and in doing so, I realise my self worth. I now see this in myself, as I am giving myself a chance to heal. It has been good as I have time to be with my children, my friends and their children as well as my family.
Shannon
So glad you're seeing this, Shannon. Don't rush yourself; we all get where we need to be in our own time, and you've been through so much. Much love to you.
Hi Jane,
I didn't understand this post at all?????
You will, Dawn! It's the essence of knowing that you're not alone, that there's something or someone bigger than you looking out for you, and that nothing you can do or say can change the fact that you're loved, that you're ok right where you are, and that everything is going to be ok. No matter how much we doubt, no matter how much we regress, no matter how unlovable and significant we may feel. It's that reminder that all we have to do is look around us and see in all kinds of ways once we're open to seeing them, proof of this. It's not something anyone can make you see, it's simply in our own time and way, the truth of this slowly becomes more real. Wherever you are today.
Wow! Thanks Jane for another interesting article about your own eperiences with God 🙂
I grew up with a punishing God from the age of 5 to 11/12. My parents chose the nearest school to where we lived and it was a Catholic school, it was convenient. But I learned that, or my young mind at the time heard that if I'm bad I'll burn in the fires of hell or when I die I will go to a place called Purgatory which is pretty frightening to hear almost every day! I tried to be so good and learned to berate myself a lot over the years if I made mistakes or was "bad".
Then, as I became a teenager and started to grow up a bit, God wasn't consciously in my mind or life anymore. (Little did I know he was with me all along!) I did hear some wonderful things about God when I was younger, it wasn't all bad. I used to feel a glow inside when I sung Christmas Carols and hymns and when my class at school went to the convent next to my school for an afternoon retreat. We just sat quietly and I think we each had a candle to hold and the silence just felt wondrous to me, like a huge cosy fleece blanket being wrapped around me and feeling safe and protected. Or when the thunder and lightning was outside my school window and how excited I felt and unconsciously KNEW that this was something magnificent and much more powerful than my mind could comprehend.
Then, huge struggles in my 20's where I was involved in crazy situations with crazy people and how I went so downhill that I honestly believed everyone would be so much happier if I wasn't on this earth, and I almost took my own life, but Thank God, I was saved and started getting the help I needed. I slowly learned about my own personal God of pure love, regardless if I done some silly things over and over and he still loved me?! Wow! That was and still is so simple and comforting to know and everything I've experienced so far is the way it's meant to be, and I now see much clearer, why I'm still alive and continuing, with the help of God and wonderful people, to build Humpty Dumpty Donna back together again! I still have a lot to learn and always will be learning, and the main thing for me to remember is that all outcomes are in God's hands and I'll be fine, no matter what I need to deal with next, good or not so good.
Love
Donna xxx
Glad you enjoyed this one, Donna. I so hear where you're coming from, and especially when you've had the fear as a theme to relate with God at such a young age. It is just that simple when we discover the truth - and so comforting to our hearts and souls. Thank you so much for sharing! 🙂
I believe in God, miss Jane all I relay to him to God .,I just wanted to share the story of my best friend to have your opinion Jane,she with a boyfriend for 6yrs until now ,she feel the love caring from her boyfriend but the problem is she all-time in negative thoughts ,she started to be like that ,that time she found out that the boyfriend hiding his phone while they are together and she saw the other number ,she ask her self to take this no.or not?suddenly she decided stealing this another no.of his boyfriend.,one day she call him in his no no answer like almost halfday so she decided to call to the another no.then the bf get angry that causes for how many day to see and to talk with her my friend she crying and crying she love him but she feel that the bf did not respect her.,she feel like nothing to her bf.,
Please just correct my words Jane ., hoping to hear from your opinion reply Jane ., thanks a lot .
If you don't have trust, you have nothing, Jezz. It's never love when we feel like nothing to someone. She deserves so much more than this.
Your message just came right on time..I have these same things happening lately. God is good.. He always show me what I thought I asked for and it's a matter of how I looked at it and used it. I searched for it and still am.. people in my life come and go...but I know there's always family and friends you have preferred to be around with. Been in relationships for longer periods and still friends with them but when I think about how it turned out...it's what God has planned for us and maybe in the future meet someone who's really meant for you. Sometimes it hit me that I'm alone and feeling lonely but at the end of the day I just feel like I'm just lucky and blessed where I'm at and one of these days it will come and just show up just like the rest!!:)
Exactly, Elle. How we look at something and what we do with it makes all the difference in the world. It absolutely will happen just like the rest! 🙂
I do believe there is a GOd, because that's what gives me the strength to keep going on and living the life I'm suppose to be living, I do love how you simplify everything Jane and thanks for the awesome inspiration.
So glad this inspired you, Merissa. Thank you.
Dear Jane,
I was reading and inside of me was a ''i understand'' feeling. I can not explain it.
I have met a few people who speak like you did in the article. They do not have to explain a lot,
i understand and feel this inside.
I have Always felt it, since i was little. Only indeed there were few people who felt like this.
It is something personal. I do believe that a human should not get to obsessed with God/Universe.
I also call this God/Universe power...love. It is a kind, a sure feeling. Some call this power
the power of ''I''.
I also have had many moments, like whispers from an angel. The direction i took every time I listened to it,
is amazing, Every time I waste in worry or doubt, i get disconnected with this power/God/Universe...
That's why I find it important to keep my heart & soul clean. I was looking 3 years ago on the internet. And found
on Oprah....she was also talking about this power/God.. I saw all these people on Soul search and I read books like Marianne Williamson... It was
a moment I will not forget. I thought... I am not crazy! There a millions of people who feel like I feel. Only I have
not met them in real life... some i have...
Some people have called me over reacting or little coo coo... But I am 28 now, and I can read and look what I think
is inspiring...
So dear Jane, although I do not know you in real life. I have Always sensed that you also a human with a lot
of love & goodness. Like a angels whisper once send me to your website...
Thank you for this article! Really amazed me!
Bless you!
oh thank you for your beautiful words, Maris, and for sharing your own experience with seeing what isn't always so obvious to see. I'm so glad this - and the meaning you sense behind it - resonated so much with you! I have always sensed this as well with you 🙂
Beautiful and sensitive article. I think many women from my generation up to and including yours are modern and traditional together and at times that is conflicting.
Thank you for expressing so eloquently what many of us feel.
Thank you, Felice. I think you're onto something here.
Wow. Did I need this today. Tears streaming down my face. Recent breakup. Loved this man deeply. Thought he felt strongly for me. But he's not ready for a more serious relationship. That's not his priority right now. I'm in my 50s. Been in two long term relationships. Haven't dated hundreds of men. And only get involved with those I deeply care about. I'm learning things about men I was naive about. Just read Why Men Love Bitches and see all the places I failed. I hate reading these books and playing games, but maybe that's what I have to do? I'm into authenticity. Yes, I did wear my heart on my sleeve (book says that's a doormat). I guess I want what's real. I am blaming myself a lot for causing this when I know inside it was as much or more about him. But life feels really sad and empty right now. I am going to try to hold onto Jane's words and stop beating myself up. I pray that God will see me through this awful time. And I have to let go of the fantasy that he's going to turn around and see he made a mistake. It wasn't a mistake if it's what he needed to do. I just wanted more than he did. I have to detach and let go. But I'm not there yet after three weeks. I still love this man. Our time together was so special for me. Thank you Jane for being here.
How I hear you, K. It hurts so much to long for a different outcome than the reality of the one that so undeniably is. You didn't fail. You can't fail by being yourself - your authentic, beautiful, genuine you with someone who's truly right for you. " It wasn't a mistake if it's what he needed to do. I just wanted more than he did." - Hold onto that thought; it's the practical reality of what's happened here. It's not the romantic love story fairytale we've bought into where love conquers all even when someone doesn't want to be conquered. It's the reality of two people not on the same page.
You can't make this happen if you're the only one who wants it to. Be loving to yourself, compassionate with where you are and don't ever believe you have to resort to playing games and being inauthentic to convince someone to be with you. Not with the right person, not with someone who's on your page. Love doesn't work that way. Be hard to get because you know your worth and have a genuine life that's all yours; don't play hard to get. You don't have to be or do anything other than who you are for someone who's right for you. Always, always here for you!
Thanks, Jane. "Hard to get" is a term that confuses me. As I said, I am very very selective in who I get involved with so I generally do see myself as hard to get. In this case I did get involved more quickly than normal for me because it was long distance but for some reason I trusted him and it felt right. But what I know about me is that once sex is involved my heart is involved. I don't have sex for the sake of sex. I have sex only when I have deep feelings. Not everyone is that way. I could not have sex with anyone else while with him because my heart was with him. I had no desire to sleep with another man. That was tormenting because we would go for several months before seeing each other. But he was not in the place. I did not define things up front; that's one place I went wrong for me in retrospect. I should have set clear boundaries. But in my past two long term relationships (one 20 years ending in divorce and one 10 years ending when he dropped dead with no warnings or symptoms) nothing needed to be spoken-- it was obvious. But, I realize now it isn't always that way. Some men (and women) have no problem sleeping with more than one person at a time (and I'm sure long distance makes that more likely). It's just not me. And not everyone takes sex so seriously-- for me it's a big deal. For someone who considers herself a strong feminist, I guess I'm old fashioned in this area. When I look back I see there are things I should have done to take better care of myself. And, I've learned the painful truth that I cannot assume anyone is looking out for me. Again, thanks for being here! You help a lot.
"Hard to get" as in the sense of a mindset where you know your own worth, where you know unmistakably who you are and what you have to offer and you know that regardless of what anyone may present themselves as, you need the proof that only time will tell that they are truly worthy of you. Don't be so hard on yourself about what you feel you did "wrong" here, K. Sex is a big deal! I don't know of any woman who can truly carry it off and not become attached to someone who she gives her body to no matter how much she says she can. It always shows up in some shape or form, no matter how much we may think we can do this; we're not wired for it - we can't. We fool ourselves every single time we try!
You look out for you. You be with you. Put yourself and your own needs first and love yourself for the beautiful loving, caring, giving woman that you are. When you focus on yourself and create a life that you love for yourself, everything else becomes in balance. There's nothing as attractive - and attracting! - as a woman who lives like this, who radiates her true light to attract someone who's looking for exactly who she is - because now he can see her. Boundaries is something so many of us struggle with. When you set your own terms and decide what you can and can't live with, your boundaries will become a natural extension of you.
You're not alone. We all live and learn and learn some more - every single one of us! (And beware the long-distance relationships - they make a great hiding place for someone who has commitment issues.)
Jane, the sad truth is that when I go thru a break up like this all of a sudden I feel I have no life. It's depressing to feel that way and I hate the thought of needing a man to make my life feel complete, but the truth is deep down I feel that way. Intellectually I know they can't do it for me, but life doesn't feel fun or joyful for me when I'm alone. Despite a successful and rewarding career, that's not enough. Having someone to share the success with and be there for each other every day is what I value. I can have an incredibly successful day in my work and my clients be thrilled with me and feel so thrilled with what I've accomplished, but at the end of the day when I get in bed alone and have no special person to share the success with, whether in person or on the phone, it diminishes in meaning and importance to me because relationships with people and especially someone special gives everything in my life a level of joy and excitement I don't reach when I'm alone. Does that make sense? I know this is where my work lies--for once in my life feeling I can be full without a man who loves me or I believe loves me, but I admit I've not gotten there. And it does get old showing up at everything alone--I feel like the odd woman out. I know I'm in a down place right now and hopefully I won't be in it too long, but I always find it hard to get over these losses. There's no way around them, only through them. And the people that say "snap out of it" don't help any. Again, thank you. You're good at what you do!
It makes perfect sense, K. I understand exactly what you're saying all too well because you're speaking directly to my own personal MO. I've written about this in the past in my post You're already her!, because the truth is, so many of us feel differently when we have someone special to share our lives with, we act different, we see things differently, we feel different. And this gets reflected in so many areas of our lives. How we change this is we act that way now, we "pretend" we're loved and adored by someone who's our match because the fact is, if it wasn't for this need that controls so much of how we live our lives and how we feel about ourselves, we wouldn't need someone for us to feel this way on our own. We do this backwards to get it forwards, if that makes sense. So we think of him, out there, searching for us the way we're searching for him, and we feel that feeling, we feel his love, we feel his excitement to share everything with us after his day too. You're oh so right that "there's no way around them, only through them, but that's exactly where our journey's going to take you through. You're so not alone, and it does get so much better from here!
Jane,
I am a new member of your group. Today's message was beautiful. I really need stuff /thoughts like this. I am looking forward to what else I am going to read. Positive, helpful and inspiring! Thank yoyx
Welcome, Carol! So glad you're finding what you're looking for here. Thank you!
Hello, just wanted to say I loved the article.
Thank you, Nicole!
There was a time Jane when my marriage broke down despite my best efforts of trying to hold things together that i was depressed and in that state of fear i got into another toxic relationship. When the guy left, he took with him my self esteem and peace of mind. This was two years ago. I was on my knees in pain for many months and just couldnt be there for my kids who needed at least one sane parent, after being abandoned by their father. Recovery was a gradual process, but today i recognise the gift in the experience because i am not so naive and can look after myself. I became strong and independent and that was because my daily morning affirmation is that God is in control of my life he loves me and as his word says he is working out everything for my good. I finally have the peace i craved for and i know that God Will provide a companion in his time.
Beautiful to hear your story like this, Ann. Celebrating this moment in time with you! 🙂
Wow....when I read this it felt like I was writing it. Everything in it is soooo true. Its nice to know I'm not alone. Thank you. ~D~
So glad this resonated with you, Dorothy. Never, ever alone!
Thanks Jane, your post is spot on for me as I've been struggling with a recent breakup, loads of self-confidence and other issues, feeling like I'm falling apart... But what I really need to do is go back to the drawing board, as Jackie Morrison says, because that's where it all starts...
And you're seeing your way clearly here, Ana. You know what you need to do. Be so proud of yourself for seeing it for yourself like this! It's always that first step that leads to so much more than the life you've been living, when you're open to see it like this.
It took a long time to agree with this piece of wisdom I often heard: you attract what you are. Now, when I attract someone in my life and it doesn't work out, I tell myself to go back to the drawing board and identify where I was a match for that person. It's a refinement response now. Like job interviews. Eventually with the right guidance one can become a much better person in interviews.
So true, Jackie. Thanks for sharing!