We make this so much more complicated than it needs to be.
We look for every possible reason why someone won’t commit to us. Why he just doesn't want a committed relationship.
We search high and low within his background, his history to figure this out.
Why won’t he commit? What is it about commitment that makes him so afraid of it?
Why can’t he see the potential that you see so clearly?
And in this search that takes on a life of its own until it becomes our very lives, you linger the longest in the places where you come in.
What is wrong with me? you wonder. And you pick yourself apart.
What do I need to do to get him back to where he was? And you try anything and everything.
What about this is loving?
I ask you.
What about this is love? Nothing.
Unless it’s a distorted version that you've come to believe is love. But it’s not.
And yet you continue to do this to yourself time and time again.
It’s time to free yourself.
With the knowledge that there’s only one reason he’s not making a commitment to you; it’s because he doesn't want to.
He doesn't want to be saved. He doesn't want to be rescued. He doesn't want to be changed. He doesn't want you to make him your project – or your responsibility.
He wants to be free to be who he is.
And right now, this is who he is. And he’s quite happy being this way.
This reality check is what frees you - but only if you allow it to. Because the reality is, it’s not about you. He’s going to do what he’s going to do.
But what you do have everything to say about is where you go from here. It’s not about you, so let yourself be freed. Freed from trying to make it about you. Freed from believing you can do something to bring him around, to change his mind, to help him see the light.
You’re free to be you with your own valid needs and desires. And he’s free to be who he is. It’s not personal; it never is, no matter how much you want to make it be.
When you tell him you’re done and all he says is “OK” ... this is your reality check.
He’s not there.
When you ask him why and he says he doesn't know … this is your reality check. The reason never matters.
When you try every trick in the book to try to turn this around and it doesn't work … this is your reality check. He doesn't want to be turned around.
This is where he’s at, this is what he’s comfortable with, and now it's your move.
No more trying to squeeze water from stones, my beautiful friend. Leave it right there where it wants to be - doing exactly what it wants to be doing - and go live your own beautiful life.
Just watch what shows up when you stop trying to change what doesn't want to be changed!
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