One of our beautiful readers, Jenny, is wondering if the Law of Attraction really works. Here are my thoughts - what are yours?
Hi Jane,
Doing such a good cause truly truly inspiring me 🙂 You are so beautiful, both in and out.
Reading about you, you mentioned studied in SFU before brought back lots of good memories for me. I lived in Vancouver before and studied in Columbia College almost two decades ago, you know Vancouver Canada is the most beautiful city I ever lived in my life. That ONE year was the best year in my entire life. I love Canada.
Jane, do you believe in applying Law of Attraction to attract the soul mate?
I feel hopeless in finding that one man and one satisfying relationship. I am 39 and still single. I am kind of like giving up. No worry, I am not depressed at all BUT just accepting the reality I am facing now. I do not wish to marry for the sake of marry due to "old age" as I saw too many unsatisfying marriages - this is depressing, tiring and demotivating ! I do not wish to be in that "unsatisfying group" one day.
Love,
Jenny
My Response:
Dear Jenny,
Even though I'm living in the US now, I still love Canada, too, and eventually would love to live back in Vancouver with my family one day - if I can ever convince my husband!
I believe in a combination of things, Jenny. I believe that we attract people into our lives based on where we're at in our own lives and what we're both subconsciously and consciously putting out there.
But it's not just about sitting alone at home trying to attract someone by thinking and picturing and imagining them. It's about action as well. It's about living your life to its fullest, doing all those things you would be doing if you were with someone, emulating that type of confidence and conviction about who you are and what you have to offer.
It's about really getting in touch with the beautiful essence of you so that that essence is what you're putting out there so that someone who's looking for exactly that can see you and be drawn to you.
So yes, while I would picture what your life would be like with your ideal partner, I would feel what that would feel like more than a specific picture of what he looks like or acts like, because it's really that feeling of being in love - the way you feel - that being with someone is all about.
So I would then take that feeling and apply it to your life.
What makes you feel that way? Where would you go to feel like that? What things would you do? What activities, events, hobbies, etc. would you be involved in?
I've been working for a very long time on a video course that I'm finally launching early in the New Year, and I'll be speaking to all of this in much more detail there. But for now, I hope this gives you something more to go on - I truly believe there is someone for everyone - and I do believe there's an energy within us that attracts someone who's right for us when we're truly ready to receive that, when we come to love and accept who we are, and radiate that type of confidence that knows this and knows exactly what we want and just how deserving we are of receiving it.
There's no too late, or not enough within us - no reason to be hard on ourselves or expect anything more of ourselves than exactly where we're at - it's all a process and it's all a part of our own individual journeys, even if we can't understand why.
Don't ever doubt that there's still more to come for you, Jenny; you have so much to offer someone who's looking for exactly who you are!
Find out what more you want to do, where else you want to go, listen to those little nudgings inside yourself and see what shows up - and comes up within - for you!
Hope this helps and resonates on some level...
Love,
Jane
What do you think? Do you believe that the Law of Attraction really works? Do you have any other advice for our friend Jenny? Tell us about it in the comments!
Jenny,
I have feelings for this guy. He's gay and I'm wondering if being attracted to him makes me look like an idiot. There are times when I have these scenarios about looking like i have the chance, but it's taken away. I wonder if it's an unrequited crush. Sometimes, when I look at the tv or see couples waltzing or slow dancing, they seem so happy with relaxed smiles on their faces. I realized I wanted that type of connection so I can feel connected with someone. There are times when I just dislike being alone and realize that maybe I'm lucky to be single. I feel like I'm not so good at love and that I'm hopeless. I often wonder am I delusional with this unrequited crush? I watch a lot of sex and the city and I can't help watching it. It's like it draws me in and I often at times imagine what sex would look and feel like for me, but when I imagine it, I can't see myself and I wonder are things hopeless? I do want to have a loving romantic relationship one day. It's just the waiting for the right man delivered by god makes me impatient. What should I do about my unrequited crush?
Jane,
Thank you again for your perspective. In terms of the Law of Attraction I'm struggling a bit. Recently I'm seeing a pattern in that I've attracted a few alcoholics and i don't know how to figure out what in my subconscious is attracting them.
I dated one guy for much too long who clearly had issues with alcohol. I finally ended that, went into therapy and began to focus so much more on me and healing. And I felt like I had done a lot of really positive, healthy, empowering work.
Just recently, I met a guy who seemed great on paper and we had 2 great dates. The 3rd date is where things crashed and burned. He was so drunk when I met him for date #3, he could barely walk or talk. I walked away, haven't had any interest to communicate or see him again so I feel good about that....but I'm struggling to figure out the lesson.
What am I doing that attracted a guy like him again?
Thank you!
Kim
Look at the qualities that attracted you to these men in the first place. That's usually where you find what you're missing, Kim. Without knowing you personally, my guess is it has something to do with the other qualities about these men that you're finding yourself attracted to that have nothing to do with the alcohol itself. The other way of looking at this though, is that you're finding out sooner and more importantly, seeing it sooner! It may take several dates before you see this side of someone, but be proud of yourself for not staying too long anymore with someone who has issues with alcohol. And ask yourself if these men represent someone from the past for you.
Sometimes it's a different type, but something still similar that draws us in, subconsciously hoping it will be different this time. And most importantly, be as clear as you can with yourself and what you put out there as to what you do want. If you weren't attracting these types of men, who would you be attracting and what would they be like? What qualities would they possess? Focus on that.It's in that clarity that you'll have an easier time recognizing him, and he'll be able to clearly see for himself if he's what you're looking for or not.
I fell into a similar pattern back in my single days and discovered there was a type of attitude these men had of not carrying what anyone else thought about them that I eventually realized I subconsciously I longed to have for myself. When you find what's attracting you in you, you don't need to look for it in anyone else again!
Thank you for recommending this post to me from the one posted today! I just can't get enough of your inspiring words! ☺️
I'm so glad you enjoyed this post as well, Darlene. And thank you for your kind words; I'm the one inspired! 🙂
Jane you gave good advice. "It's not meant to be a struggle. It's not meant to be complicated." That is so hard to get across to people who so desire a relationship. They end up changing who they really are to be "accepted". Women need to step up and be whomever it is they are. There is someone who would love them regardless as to how they act. They have to stop trying to force a relationship with the wrong people. Just because a person is nice to you doesn't mean they want to get involved with you. If we would think about how we would feel if someone was pressuring us to do some of the things we try to pressure a mate to do, we would stop behaving that way. When we feel a need to demand, insist or give an ultimatum, that is a big cue that we are dealing with the wrong person. Love is something that has to come naturally. Sometimes it takes longer than we like. Be good to yourself until it happens. If you can learn to be good to yourself, being good to others will come naturally. The bottom line is we want a good, healthy relationship
Exactly, Carolyn; you offer such beautiful insight here. "When we feel a need to demand, insist or give an ultimatum, that is a big cue that we are dealing with the wrong person. Love is something that has to come naturally." And yes, the bottom line is always that we want more than just any kind of a relationship; "we want a good, healthy relationship." Yes!
I have recently come to this realization and hearing it from someone else confirms it.
I am 38. I have struggled with dating for so long. I lost 70 pounds 7 years ago and kept it off all this time.
I thought it was because of my weight was the reason I wasn't meeting the guy I would be attracted too. Well, losing the weight got me more attention, but not the kind of attention I was looking for. I got so frustrated that I think I've given up. But after reading this post, I realize that maybe it's more about attracting someone who is right for me by feelings instead. I have started focusing more on me and my daughter and I am going back to school to get my masters degree in January 2014. I stopped searching for love though. I guess I figure God will present that person to me when he feels it's the right time.
It's through all these ways that it happens, Beckie; but the absolute best thing you can do is exactly what you've come to at this point in your life as well; focus on you, on your beautiful self, and your beautiful daughter who will learn so much from you, and your dreams, your goals, like going back to school to get your masters degree. You've come to this yourself, Beckie, and now, you're finding how it's being reinforced all around you. See? You are that powerful, you do know what you need to do for you, what your heart of hearts is calling you to do!
You know all this, my beautiful friend. See how you gave up this search for love? You knew. You're figuring this out all on your own. It's your turn now. Know with absolute certainty that when you're ready - and when that special person is ready for you, too - he will absolutely be presented to you - and you to him! - by yourself, by God, by the Universe, by love itself, by everything and anything else that you believe in that is all working together to meet you on this journey with the life you so deserve that will be more than you could ever have imagined it to be in a way that you wouldn't have expected.
That's how real love works, Beckie. It's not meant to be a struggle. It's not meant to be complicated. It starts with simply taking that first step by being open and freeing yourself to enjoy life - your own life, to create what you feel inspired to create for the life that is yours to do whatever you want with, and going out and doing whatever it is that inspires you and brings you closer to your goals. Don't struggle; live; this is what you were made for!