"The biggest regret I have is letting people stay in my life longer than they deserve" (author unknown).
I read this quote the other day and it hit home with me on a whole new level. Whether it's men who clearly weren't on the same page as me or friends who were no longer behaving like friends, if there was one single thing I would have done differently, it was this.
And yet, if you're anything like me, how do you know when it's been enough time? How do you really know when it's been too long? Because you have such a beautiful, loving, giving, understanding heart, you know all too well just how good it could be because it shows so much potential. And so you have such a hard time knowing when it's time to move on let someone out of your life. After all, what if, you wonder?
You've already invested so much.
It comes down to you, again. That theme is always there, isn't it? Because that's the beauty of this. Yes, it's you allowing this again. Allowing yourself to go there, to believe it can still be different this time with him. Allowing yourself to believe his excuses, to forgive him yet again, to see past the obvious to what only you seem to be able to see. To be so understanding. But because you're the one allowing this, you are also the one who can set your boundaries and draw that line in the sand on what you are no longer willing to allow. You are in control here.
You are no longer the victim.
When he won't commit, when he doesn't call, when he all but disappears, when he treats you that way, when you put him on that pedestal and put yourself so far beneath him that you can't see the truth anymore.
This is you choosing him. This is you not choosing you.
But it doesn't have to be this way.
If he won't commit, and you want a commitment, what about this works for you?
If he doesn't call – or text, or communicate with you in whatever way he said he would – could it be you have your answer from the silence?
If he all but disappears, why do you have to make this about you? He's the one who disappeared.
If he's treating you in a way that doesn't honor or respect or show you he loves you, why are you choosing to allow yourself to be treated like this?
No one deserves to be put on a pedestal. We are equals regardless of what gender we are, how intelligent we are, how beautiful or handsome we are, how "together" we are, what we do for a living, how much money we make, what kind of car we drive, how educated we are … I could go on and on.
When you're ready, in your own time, let him know it's your time. It's not his time anymore. You can always keep living like this, it's always your choice, my beautiful friend, but if there's one common thread that unites this entire community, it's the one that says it's your turn. Your choice. Your life. Your turn. Find that strong voice within you. See what she's capable of. See what she can do. She's there, just waiting her turn. Don't disappoint her.
Show her the life she was born to live!